The Next Hundred Pounds

WELL, DUH!

What do you think about this report from the New York Times? I find it rather disturbing, myself. Some of the findings really invoke a “well, DUH!” response in me. Others are more thought-provoking. Some vindicate what fat people have known, and said, all along about being fat; on the other hand, plenty of people are going to use these findings as an excuse to continue living an unhealthy lifestyle; and that’s what I find most disturbing about it.

The article begins with a summary of the findings:

“Weight control is not simply a matter of willpower. Genes help determine the body's "set point," which is defended by the brain.”

Well, DUH. Anyone who has been fat has, at some point or another, directly or indirectly, been accused of “just not having any willpower”, being “lazy” or “undisciplined”, or some similar pejorative. It doesn’t matter how many hours a week you work, how active you might be, what accomplishments and knowledge and skill you may possess, or what adversity you may have overcome by sheer determination and hard work; the very fact that you are fat is visible evidence that YOU HAVE NO WILLPOWER.

OK, so it's a bit of a relief to have the Scientists Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval as quotable proof that we aren’t lazy and weak. Not that it’s going to convince anyone stupid enough to believe otherwise.

And the bit about the body having a setpoint is not exactly news either. The problem, of course, is that when we eat poorly and don’t exercise, we confuse our body. We mess up our metabolism. I seriously doubt that anyone’s natural setpoint is 350 pounds. Unless maybe you’re seven feet tall and built like a linebacker.

Dieting alone is rarely successful, and relapse rates are high.

Well, DUH. Again, no news that diets are unsuccessful. How could they be? For the most part, they require Gandhian restraint, Spartan resistance to pleasure and comfort, and mad Fifi the Circus Poodle hoop-jumping skillz. No one can sustain that forever, and as soon as you revert to the junk food, the pounds are going to come piling back on, and bring friends.

Lifestyle change works, but lifestyle change requires a lot of research and a lot of work that many people may be unwilling, or lack the information, to do.

Moderate exercise, too, rarely results in substantive long-term weight loss, which requires intensive exercise.

How do we define moderate exercise, and intensive exercise? I have no doubt that some people would consider my regime intensive, but I consider it quite moderate. I’m so not into pushing myself to the point of pain and exhaustion. I could never jog. I’ve never seen a jogger that doesn’t look like he or she is suffering. Maybe they only do it because it feels so good when they stop.

The article seems to define “moderate exercise” as twenty to thirty minutes of walking a day, and says nothing about pace. I would call that “light”. When I started my program, I walked about half an hour to forty-five minutes a day at a fairly leisurely pace. Right now, constrained to walking by my broken wrist, I walk an hour and twenty to two hours a day, briskly, and without stopping. In both cases, I continued to lose weight.

Many Americans are not going to take the time to do this much exercise, certainly. They may not have two hours a day, which I admit is a lot for most people. I can’t always manage it either; this is summer-schedule exercising for me. That’s why it’s important to have more efficient forms of exercise available.

Scientists are less sanguine. Many of the so-called facts about obesity, they say, amount to speculation or oversimplification of the medical evidence.

Well, DUH. Again, not news to anyone who’s been living the life. We humans like to have things boiled down into nice little nuggets of neatly packaged information, and damn all those pesky details.

But the notion that Americans ever ate well is suspect…“The meals we romanticize in the past somehow leave out the reality of what people were eating,” he (Dr. Barry Glassner, a sociology professor at the University of Southern California) --- C.) said. “The average meal had whole milk and ended with pie.... The typical meal had plenty of fat and calories.”

Yes. But the food was, by and large, produced without the use of poisons; seasonal and natural, rather than forced in industrial farm greenhouses and barns; unprocessed and prepared fresh. It had more nutrients and probably tasted a lot better (in fact, having grown up with a farm in the family, I know it did). And people were much less sedentary. They weren’t exactly hitting the gym all the time, but they were walking more places and working with their hands a lot more. They were on their feet.  Read Real Food by Nina Planck; it’ll open your eyes.

Second, scientists recently have come to understand that the brain exerts astonishing control over body composition and how much individuals eat. “There are physiological mechanisms that keep us from losing weight,” said Dr. Matthew W. Gilman, the director of the obesity prevention program at Harvard Medical School/Pilgrim Health Care.

I’m sure this is true. If people are predisposed to like and be good at, say … math and not subjects that require you to memorize dates; making up stories and not taking apart and rebuilding stuff; or sports and not music … why wouldn’t they be predisposed to eat more or less or be attracted to certain foods over others? And why wouldn’t this, along with environmental factors, predispose certain people to weigh more than others and perhaps have a harder time losing and keeping off weight?

On the other hand, I find it very difficult to believe that, barring special medical conditions, anyone is naturally predisposed to eat so much more food than their bodies need that they become grossly overweight. That, I believe, is learned behavior. I am certain that it is, in my own case.

Americans are bombarded, on a daily and even hourly basis, with confusing messages about having it all --- plenty of money, nice things, good rich food, slender fit bodies, lots and lots of fun. We are surrounded by manipulated media images of good living, which encompass all of the above, and are made to feel “less than” if we don’t fit the images we’re fed. You can’t tell me that trying to live up to these impossible standards doesn’t affect how and what we eat, and how we end up looking.

I believe that advertising, magazines, television and movies hold up impossible ideals as reality, and we buy into it, even on a subconscious level. One of my personal goals is to reduce my own consumption of these images, which only serve to make me unhappy and dissatisfied and, yes, fat and unhealthy as I struggle to achieve what is, for me, an unrealistic ideal.

The question here is, what is an unrealistic ideal? I do not believe that being slender, or at the very least, less fat, is in fact unrealistic. I also don’t think I know yet what is realistic for me. I think that’s something you have to figure out once you find yourself not losing any more, and you settle into maintenance. Check back with me on that next year; I hope to have more personal observations to report at that time.

The article concludes with this statement:

The research is just beginning, true, but already it has upended some hoary myths about dieting. The body establishes its optimal weight early on, perhaps even before birth, and defends it vigorously through adulthood. As a result, weight control is difficult for most of us. And obesity, the terrible new epidemic of the developed world, is almost impossible to cure.

This conclusion is going to make a lot of fat acceptance activists happy, but I simply can’t buy into it. As someone who has been obese most of her adult life, but was an active, healthy child who merely thought she was fat, it’s my unscientific, unstudied belief that obesity is difficult to overcome (let’s not say “cure”; it is not a disease!) not because some of us are simply hardwired to be fat, but for a combination of reasons, including:

• Yes, being genetically predisposed to be heavier than some

• Being predisposed to enjoy eating  and/or acquiring a taste for certain kinds of foods

• Perhaps being less disposed to naturally enjoy exercise (however, I believe you can learn to enjoy it!)

• Psychological factors, including protective reactions to shaming; low self-esteem; and the need for constant defense against attack or embarrassment

The conclusion I do draw from this study is that no one does a fat person any favors by attempting to shame, mock, tease, nag, or harass them into losing weight, no matter how benign their motives may be. These tactics clearly do not work and are intensely damaging. The way we look should never determine whether we are “good enough”, and weight loss should always be primarily motivated by HEALTH and not simply the desire to look better in a bathing suit. (That’s a wonderful bonus).  

Well, DUH!

 

INTO THE GREEN

Our favorite neighbor lives down at the end of the street.  Every day, on the way home from our evening walk, we stop and pay our respects, even though he doesn’t acknowledge our existence. We just like to see him doing his thing --- big, fat, happy Mr. Toad. He’s dug himself a nice burrow right under the sidewalk in the flower garden bordering the illuminated sign which marks our neighborhood.  Mr. Toad lives directly in front of a froggy smorgasbord. He can literally sit on his front porch and zap dinner into his mouth. Now that’s the life.

Last week, on the trail, we saw a tiny fawn. She stood very close to the trail, but down the hill a little, and not far from the safety of brush where her mother most likely lurked. She stared at us, gawky and beautiful, curious but not afraid, and she didn’t move. The world was so new to her! Not a hundred feet around the bend, there were two more little fawns, and this time we could see mom back in the trees.

We almost always see a deer or ten; this is a residential area with no hunting so they don’t have much to fear except the cars when they’re crossing the street. Less frequently, but still regularly, we encounter bright green grass snakes, great blue herons, snowy egrets, turtles, a doobie-smoking teenager who is always unpleasantly surprised to see us, and last month, a troupe of four little armadillos who waddled out of the tall grass, looking for grubs. Once, at dusk, I glimpsed a gray fox as it crossed the trail and vanished into the bushes on the other side. And there’s the beautiful night heron who guards the same little pond; I always look for him.

There are several ponds, a lake, and of course, the creek, which meanders along the trail and attracts so many critters.  We start out at slightly different times each night, depending on what the daily schedule has been; but if we time it just right, we reach the big meadow just as the sky has turned a rosy gold, infusing the open space with a remarkable soft light. I love to see the meadow in that light. It makes me wish I could paint; but you could never capture the true essence of that light with mere tinctures and canvas. That light is really special. I am always calmed and enervated when I see it.

I’m a big believer that human beings need to spend time outdoors every day, preferably in green spaces, or next to a large body of water. I also believe that walking, especially in natural areas, is good not only for the body, but the soul. Our daily walks on the greenbelt do wonders for my mental health as well as my physical well-being, and I’m very grateful to live so near a good place to walk.

Urban walking isn’t as much fun for me, but it’s still great exercise. On my regular trips to New York, I challenge myself to walk anyplace that’s less than thirty blocks away (assuming I have the time) and often wander through Central Park.  Boston is a great walking town; not only can you go for miles along the Charles River, but the downtown area is stuffed with cool historical sites and there are even trails marked on the sidewalks. In Chicago, you have the Lake Michigan waterfront. San Francisco is a wonderful place to wander. I try to get guidebooks and discover walking tours wherever I find myself spending time. It’s a great way to get to know a town, and it’s a great way to burn off the calories from all the delicious local food you’re also discovering! Think how good it would be for us, and the environment, if we all just walked a little more and drove a little less.

Of course, like a lot of people,  I live in the suburbs of a city where every family owns a car or three (us included) and public transportation is a joke. One of the reasons I bought my bike was to get in a little more exercise while not using the car; from my house I can ride to the post office, a grocery store, the drug store, and of course, the gym.  Unfortunately, I failed to take into account how many roads aren’t really bike-friendly; so I have to carefully plot routes using safer neighborhood streets and, whenever I can, the trails. It’s a good way to work exercise into daily errands.

A friend of mine climbs stairs for exercise. She’s found an office building or a tower or something close to her house, and she goes there several times a week, armed with IPod and water bottle, and climbs. It’s free, and it’s awesome toning plus cardio. When she hits the stairwells, she does crunches.  I haven’t tried this yet --- not sure how the knees would handle it, although maybe they’d be cool with it now that I’ve lost so much weight --- but it seems like great exercise for travelers staying in one of those high rise hotels, or office workers, or anybody who lives in a lousy climate.

Unless you’re doing some sort of heavy-duty training for a marathon or triathalon or climbing Mount Everest, it doesn’t really MATTER what kind of exercise you do. The thing is to get out there and move. Park further away from the store entrance (we do this now, and I must say, it’s remarkably liberating to just take the first spot you see and not bother with all the maneuvering to get as close as possible to the door. By the time you’ve won that coveted spot, you could’ve walked, anyway). Get off a stop early on the subway, or two stops on the bus. Take the stairs. Get up from your desk now and then and perambulate the building --- it will refresh your mind as well as your body, and you’ll do better work. Just stand up and stretch. Feels good. Every little bit really does count.

THREE KEYS

There are lots of reasons to decide to begin a journey like the one I’ve chosen to undertake. Everyone’s are different, and when I write about my choices and my actions, they are just that --- mine. They are what work for me, right now, in this place and time. There is no guarantee that just because they work now, they will work forever. Life is not static. It’s a river that sometimes gurgles, sometimes rushes, sometimes falls, sometimes disappears underground for long periods of time, resurfacing in unexpected places.  It’s unbearably wild and beautiful, and sometimes it’s unbearably ugly. Or really, really boring for long stretches. The only thing you can count on is its unpredictability. And if you’re navigating this river, you’d better have a few tricks up your sleeve for whatever lies around the bend.

I’m getting a good laugh (and, well, okay … a few spikes of anger which have fueled my exercise routine nicely for the past couple of days) over a few folks over at the Times blog who are trying desperately to cast me as some sort of elitist, wealthy lady of leisure who is holding up herself and the rest of the world to some sort of unrealistic expectation of thinness, all while neglecting her family, moralizing to the poor oppressed masses who couldn’t possibly hope to duplicate what she has done, and enlisting the aid of major news organizations to trumpet her achievement-that-isn’t-an-achievement in a most unbecoming way. Oh, yes, and the resounding chorus of opera singers and other friends who have posted to correct some of these astounding impressions is viewed as some sort of evil machination on my part, as well.

And it’s okay. When you put yourself in the public eye, not everyone is going to like what they see --- I suspect it’s often because they often don’t like what they see in the mirror, but that’s just my opinion --- and ultimately, I am fine with that. I am not here to convert the whole world to my way of thinking or doing things. This is what works for me. If we’re both lucky, you might find something here that works for you, too, or better yet, gives you some ideas. And if you like yourself just the way you are, that’s fine too. I’m genuinely happy for you.

I like myself quite a lot, thank you, but a year ago, I was not happy with my health or with my look. I was a Type II diabetic with borderline high blood pressure and cholesterol that was creeping up --- a nice triple whammy with the grand prize of a dramatically increased risk for all sorts of fun health complications down the road. I’d injured my knees (ironically, while working out with a personal trainer during an opera gig) and the extra weight was putting added pressure on them. My back hurt in the mornings when I woke up or when I went for an extended walk, and my feet frequently hurt, too. I’ve been a big, comfortable woman for most of my life, but at this point, I felt that I could no longer move gracefully. I didn’t like the way clothes fit or how I looked in my then-current wardrobe.

No one was telling me I needed to change. I was not under any special career pressure --- heck, I have been a fat singer for my entire career, and I have still managed to get hired, if not always for the roles I’d like to do. My husband never said, “Honey, you’ve got to lose a few pounds.” (Quite the contrary; my husband is one of those rare gems who thinks I’m hot no matter what; and even now when he tells me how good I’m looking, he adds, “But I always thought you looked good.” God bless the man)!

So I decided to make some changes, and this time, I wanted to make them for good. I didn’t know if I could. I still don’t know that --- how could I? But I do know what I can do today, and I do know what has been working well for me for the past nine months. These are three things that that I have found to be key:

Sustainability. In choosing how to remake my eating and activity, choosing things I knew I could and would do on an ongoing basis was absolutely vital. For example, when I’m on the elliptical machine, I read the newspaper. This is clearly not the best way to use the elliptical. Any trainer would be appalled. And yet, I still lose weight doing it. The only way you’re going to keep me on any cardio machine for an hour is to entertain me thoroughly and make me forget what my legs are doing. Here’s another example: I refuse to count calories or points. Life is too short. I do know approximately the caloric value of a serving of many basic foods; I do educate myself about the overall nutrition of things I eat; and I do sometimes measure some foods that are easy to go overboard on.  I also adamantly refuse to label any food as off limits. If I want it, I’m a-gonna eat it. I’m simply going to plan for it.

Things that are sustainable for one person might make other people crazy. My older brother has lost, and kept off, a great deal of weight by eating whatever he wants during the day, and nothing after 5 p.m. He spends the dinner hour riding his stationary bike (NEGLECTING HIS FAMILY, the selfish pig!!!). I could not do this, but it really works for him. The point is, you have to figure out what works for you. And it’s okay if other people think it’s weird or not the right way to do things.

Perseverance. Yanno … it gets tiring, having to be vigilant about my relationship with food. Sometimes I’d rather curl up with a good book than hit the trail. Sometimes I really long to forget about the food plan and grab a hot dog or a big bowl of ice cream. Most of the time, when that happens, I use the techniques I’ve learned in the Beck program and end up thinking about it how I’ll feel five minutes after I give in … how giving in this time will make it so much easier to give in next time … how much more I like the way my body looks and feels now and how it won’t keep looking and feeling that way if I let myself slide down the slippery slope. Ten minutes later, I’m busy translating a score or teaching a voice lesson, and I’ve forgotten about my craving altogether.

And sometimes I give in anyway. I enjoy the food, I don’t enjoy the setback, and I don’t beat myself up about it. I’m not a bad person because I grabbed an unscheduled handful of macadamia nuts or went out to eat with the cast after the symphony concert. My accomplishments are not ruined, I don’t have to start over from square one, and in the highly unlikely event that the scale shows a horrific five pound gain tomorrow, it will all come off again.

There are gonna be pitfalls, speedbumps, and detours in the road. You just have to keep going. As my wise friend Kim says, “Perseverance, not perfection, leads to success.”

Absolute honesty.  One of the reasons I started this blog was to keep myself honest and accountable. There is something about keeping a public, written record that forces me to really look at what I am doing and compare it to what I say I’m doing and what I think I’m doing. (Not to mention that, more than once, a kind friend has gently pointed out where I might be harboring some self-deceiving thoughts). The act of writing is a powerful tool for self-examination. I am learning to demand honesty from myself without being cruel. In the wise words of my friend Karen --- “Compassion does not equal leniency.” Part of this journey for me is to stop making excuses for why I have spent years eating a certain way, and facing the real reasons. I am learning to face my decisions about food and about health. And these skills, not coincidentally, find their ways into other areas of my life.

The best thing is, these keys don’t need to be implemented all at once. They work just as well if you use just one of them, just a little bit at a time. You get better and stronger each time you try. And you can try as many times as it takes.

If, as some people have insisted, I do not keep this weight off after five years’ time, or even after one, this will not have been a wasted effort. It will have been a healthier, happier year for me than it would have been otherwise. It will have been a year during which I learned a lot about myself. And it will have been a year when I proved to myself that I could take on a very challenging task, one that has eluded me for most of my life, and see it through further than ever before. To me, it’s completely worth it.

A TIME TO DREAM

Today was supposed to be a day to write more about my process, the things I’ve found key to sustaining major longterm weight loss and my steps to doing it; but instead I find myself pulled in another direction.

I subscribe to GoogleAlerts, a free service that will send you emails with links to subjects you’ve indicated interest in. I use it mainly to catch any reviews that might have gotten past me, but since the Times article came out, something very cool has happened … the alerts contain mentions of me that show up in other people’s blogs. This, of course, leads me to visit those blogs, and “meet” all sorts of amazing people who otherwise might never have crossed my path. And two of the sites I’ve been led to contained wisdom that I really needed to hear, right now.

The first is Magpie Girl, and how does one describe her? She describes herself as an Urban Abbess. Her blog is filled with musings on spirituality, wisdom, love, humor, creativity, excellent advice and recipes … I really feel I was led there, because one of the first things I found was this post about dreaming big. Magpie Girl credited a certain Jen with sharing this with her, so naturally I had to click on the link, and that is where I was bowled over by these words:

Can you dare to believe that it’s never too late? That everything your heart desires is a seed waiting to blossom? A dream determined to tell you the truth that will set your heart free?

I think I’ve found my summer reading. And my fall and winter reading, too.

Here’s the big confession: I’ve been struggling a bit since my accident, and since hitting the big 100-pound milestone. I am by nature a pretty sunny person, and tend to bounce back and make gourmet lemonade for the whole neighborhood out of the lemons life sometimes pelts at me. But this time it’s been a little harder than usual. Strangely, I am not straying from my food plan (proof, perhaps, that my lifestyle changes really are working), I am still losing weight, and very much enjoying my daily walks; but rather it’s hard to move ahead with making and getting to work on alternative plans to the one I had for the summer which was sideswiped by the wrist break. Furthermore, I keep getting blindsided by weird little attacks of the blues, usually over very silly things or things I can’t do anything about.  It’s not unusual to have some depression after a trauma; or to be a bit down after some big event has ended (singers know this phenomenon well as the Post-Production Blues). It’s the intensity and seeming lack of ability to move on that is So Not Me.

One of these blues which keeps reoccurring involves an (apparently) very strong desire to be somewhere else; specifically at an isolated lake house in the mountains Somewhere Not In Texas.  Rather than fading over time, this longing is growing stronger, and it clearly is one of my Mondo Beyondo dreams. Simply acknowledging that makes me feel better (and less likely to console myself with ice cream).

At other times in my life, I’ve noted that periods of extreme restlessness usually signal a need for change. The past nine months have been a great period of transition and transformation both physically and mentally; and I suspect that more change is coming, not only in my body and habits, but in my life in general. I don’t yet know what that change may be, so I am simply trying to be open to it and alert to the possibilities.

In terms of my health and fitness journey, I strongly feel that now is not the time to try to make another big push; not right away. What this means in practical terms is that I am taking an hour and twenty minutes to two hour nonstop walk every day; I’d like to add another, shorter walk in the early morning, perhaps alternating with morning sets of squats and crunches.  It means continuing to write and adhere to my food plan (another confession: I’ve gotten a little lax on that in recent days, making a few substitutions here and there or failing to actually write it down; time to tighten the reins before that gets away from me entirely). Happily, it is so very hot here right now that it is not at all tempting to eat much at any sitting. I’m very content with a dinner of homemade yogurt topped with fresh organic berries and nuts, or some cold edamame-black bean-corn salad.

It’s hard for me to sit back. I’m the kind of person who usually has fourteen different plates in the air, all spinning at once. It’s not that I’m not doing a lot and don’t have plenty of work I could be doing, but I am doing less than I had planned.

But maybe this is what is meant to be at the moment. I’m going to ride the wave for a while longer, and see where it takes me. It’s summer, after all, and summer is a time to dream.

TOOLS OF THE TRADE

     Since the Times article has brought me a lot of new readers (thanks, NYT!) I thought I’d write about a few of the tools that continue to be essential to me in my campaign to reassign fat molecules.

     1. Certain books

The Beck Diet Solution; Eat Drink and Be Healthy, and the other books mentioned in the sidebar have been invaluable in educating me about nutrition, good food, and how to change my lifestyle and thinking so that longterm major weight loss works.

     BTW, the New Cassel's French Dictionary is very useful indeed in my singing career, but don't run out and buy one to encourage your weight loss.

     2. List of the reasons why I want to lose weight and be healthier

     One of the first things Beck asks you to do is make a list of all the reasons why you want to lose weight. For the first several months of my program, I read this list three or more times daily. Now, I am happy to say that I have crossed 90% of those items off the list and it feels truly excellent!

     3. Response cards

The day I started reading Beck, I bought a little notebook and started working on my cards right away. Like my list of reasons to lose, I read those response cards before every meal. My rule was that I had to read them before I put anything, anything at all, in my mouth.  They lived in my purse. After several months, though, the cards started to lose their pizzazz. They needed sprucing up. So, I bought a snazzy new notebook and some fancy printed paper, and  I redid them all. I don’t read them every day any more, but I do haul them out and read them periodically, and especially when I need extra help.

Above are some of the original response cards ...

And then my shiny new ones.

     Someone else I know makes funny little cartoons in lieu of the cards, and posts them on his computer desktop. You have to find the thing that resonates with you personally!

4. Reminder bracelets

     The notebook can be a little cumbersome, and I wanted a reminder that was closer at hand … literally. I came up with the idea of making a bracelet embossed with key phrases, so that all I would have to do is glance down at my wrist and be reminded of why I am doing what I’m doing. I know nothing about jewelry making, so I got some inexpensive letter beads and elastic at the local crafts store and made my first set. They didn’t look very nice, but they did the trick. Pretty soon, however, they began to look shabby. I ordered some sterling silver beads and memory wire from Auntie’s Beads, and was able to make a better-looking model which I can wear as everyday jewelry. Eventually I’d love to have a beautiful custom piece made.

      The one on the left is the new one.
    

     5. Food plan

     When I started this program, there were several things I was determined not to mess with. I’d done them in the past, I hated them, and ultimately, they didn’t work. This list of hated items included weighing and measuring food, counting calories, and keeping a food diary. Beck has a different take on the food diary, however, and as it turns out, not only do I really like it, but it’s probably the most valuable tool in her extensive toolkit: the food plan. Every night, I plan what I’m going to eat the next day. If cravings harass me, I look at that food plan and tell myself firmly, “Nope! Not on the plan for today. If I really want that, I can plan it tomorrow, or later in the week.” It works very well for me, because I am in control. I am not depriving myself --- I can have it if I want it, but it must be in the plan. 

6. Diet coach

     Probably one of the most difficult --- but ultimately rewarding --- requests Dr. Beck makes is that you find a diet coach, a friend or even a professional therapist who can be your sounding board and support. There was really only one person in my life I could imagine asking to do this, and luckily for me, she said yes. We have a weekly standing appointment to talk on the phone, during which we discuss any special challenges, triumphs, and failures.  Kim is one of my angels, that’s for sure.
 

     7. Support group

Way before I started a Beck support group, I was part of a very supportive online group. Some of us know each other in real life; some of us have been chatting for years via various bulletin boards and LJ. We often campaign together --- someone will call for a “Boot Camp”, everybody posts about their goals, and we proceed to encourage, admonish, tease, humor, sympathize, and generally work through those goals. It’s a great group of people and they have been an integral part of my success. I strongly encourage anyone who wants to start a similar journey to seek out a group of friends, in real time or online. If you’re not sure where to start, try an established community like SparkPeople or Three Fat Chicks, or perhaps even a special interest bulletin board that’s not necessarily about fitness or weight loss --- if you already have online buddies, some of them are bound to be interested in a fitness effort.

 
8. Weight chart and tickers

Beck suggests keeping a chart of your weight loss so you can see the ups and downs over time. Weight loss is never going to happen in a straight line down. There are always going to be spikes and plateaus. Keeping a chart (I do mine in Excel) really helps you see that a “rocky” profile is absolutely normal, and helps you not to be discouraged.

Before I started Beck, I discovered these fun little tickers at The Ticker Factory. They’re like gold stars for grownups. I love making my ticker move and getting to post a new one in my journal! This is my newest one. It doesn't reflect the weight I've lost so far; it just represents my next big goal.

 
9. The scale

Whew, a scary one… at least until you learn to treat it as a tool, and not a punishing tyrant that rules your life. I choose to weigh every day, most of the time; but when I find myself getting obsessive or upset about what I’m seeing, I declare Scale Amnesty (thanks to Twyla for that excellent term!) for a while. I like to weigh every day as a general rule, to stay accountable and be able to make necessary adjustments.

 
 10. Professional support: Therapist, Trainer, Nutritionist

Not everyone can afford a lot of professional help. It’s great if you can; it certainly makes things easier; but there are plenty of people who are doing it without. Several years ago I went to a nutritionist to have my diet evaluated and get suggestions. I had two sessions and learned a lot; and it didn’t cost an arm and a leg; a lot of times, your insurance will pay for it. I strongly recommend consulting a nutritionist when you’re starting a weight loss plan. Everybody’s needs are different, and a nutritionist can help you figure out how to best meet yours.

 
As I mentioned in my last post, I didn’t start with my trainer until a good seven months into my program. The reason I wanted to work with a trainer was because my exercise routine had gotten a little stale; I wanted to shake it up a bit. Also, no matter how much reading I do about lifting, I never feel confident that I really know what I’m doing. I wanted specific guidance. The best way to lose is to combine cardio with lifting. Also, I didn’t want to be a “skinny fat person” --- slender but flabby. As my friend Pam used to say, I want to be a toned sex goddess!

 
I decided to supplement my diet coach with occasional visits to a professional therapist who specialized in cognitive therapy and had an interest and/or training in the Beck Diet Solution.  It’s definitely been helpful to have this professional input. Again, not everyone can afford it, but sometimes your insurance will cover it and of course, many therapists charge on a sliding scale. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

 
So there are a few of the things that have been very useful, if not critical, to helping me change my lifestyle and way of thinking. In upcoming posts, I’ll write about some of the steps and keys that I’ve found essential.

RESPONDING TO THE COMMENTS

The comments in the NY Times blog have been overwhelmingly positive, as have the ones here. For that, I am most grateful.  Support from friends and loved ones (and sometimes even complete strangers!) has been one of the important tools that have enabled me to succeed so far in my lifestyle change.

I have to admit a little chuckle, however, reading the remarks of the people who think I must have a lot of money and free time and other special circumstances that allowed me to lose weight.  I am not wealthy by any means, and although I work at home when I am not on the road for a singing engagement, there are never enough hours in the day.

By the time I decided to hire a personal trainer, I had been “relocating fat” for about 7 months and had already lost nearly 80 pounds on my own. I did that mostly through daily walks and work on the elliptical machine at my small, inexpensive neighborhood gym. When I go on the road for singing engagements (as I did several times over the past year),  I use the hotel gym equipment for cardio, I do fitness routines in my  room (downloaded for free from places like Fitness Magazine), I do DVD workouts using my laptop, or I just walk. For weights, I use resistance bands, which are cheap and pack easily.  For the past month, I have been unable to work out with my trainer, bike, or use gym equipment due to a broken wrist, but I walk every day and am still losing weight without it costing me a cent!

As for the time element, who isn't overbooked these days? We make time for the things that are important to us. It takes time out of your day to exercise. It takes time to plan and prepare healthy meals.  It takes time to use the tools and do the work that helps you become healthier. The thing is, once it becomes habit, it takes less time. You get better at organizing your time and making shortcuts. I tend to exercise a lot because it’s become really important to me, but when I started out, I was shooting for half an hour a day, five days a week. I guarantee you that you spend more time than that watching TV. Or playing video games. Or surfing the Internet. Or whatever your favorite downtime activity happens to be.

Although the Times story is billed as one person’s weight loss journey and pushes no agenda, at least one person thought it was “misleading” and offered “false hope”.  He and several others tried to validate the case for refusing to attempt to lose weight, citing various statistics about most people not keeping the weight off after five years, and the dangers of yo-yo dieting.

It’s impossible to predict what’s going to happen five years from now, but I can tell you this: number one, two people in my immediate family have lost weight and kept it off after lifetimes of yo-yo dieting; and number two, I’ve yo-yo dieted for years, so I know all about that. I know what it feels like to be on a dieting high, and I know what it feels like when you start the long slow slide back into the fat jeans. This feels completely different. There is no high. The honeymoon is long since over. This is a little bit of work, every single day, and a little bit of work every single day is not a terrible thing. Can everyone do it? Maybe not, but I’m pretty sure I can. Do you have to have a lot of money and time and special circumstances to make it happen? You can work with what you’ve got. You may not be able to find extra money, but you don’t need it; it just makes things easier. You can make the time, and you can develop any special circumstances you find needful.

I’ve now been working on changing my lifestyle for nearly nine months. This is not temporary. This is not a diet, because diets are temporary. Of course if you go back to your old habits, you’re going to gain weight again.  What’s different about the program I’ve undertaken is that you change the way you think. You learn to defeat old, bad thought patterns. Will I always have to be vigilant? Yes, absolutely.  I’ve accepted that. Will some days be terribly difficult, and will I fall down? Oh, my yes. But I now have the tools to help me get up and keep going. Will I gain some weight back? Most likely.  I don’t have a target weight.  I plan to see where my body wants to settle. My guess is that I will discover a comfort zone, and then I will work to stay within that zone.

My husband and I started our lifestyle change a number of years ago, switching to organics and real food, and educating ourselves about nutrition. I read several of Dr. Andrew Weil's books, including 8 Weeks to Optimum Health. We tossed out all the processed stuff, all the artificial ingredients, all the junk food, and stopped eating out in restaurants so much. We started cooking fresh foods from scratch. Now we find ourselves eating less meat and fewer carbs naturally, because that’s what we enjoy, not because we are restricting ourselves. I do make decisions about having treats and when to have them, but absolutely nothing is off limits.

It is very, very difficult to lose weight and to keep it off.  But I do think what’s missing for most people is the mental aspect. We are defeated not by a Twinkie but by our complicated, often illogical feelings about eating a Twinkie.

This is what I love about cognitive behavioral therapy, specifically Dr. Beck's program, and why it is so very effective. It is very no-nonsense. It’s about the here and now. It’s about defeating negative, illogical thought patterns. It’s about reprogramming the way you look at food. It is practical. And it is work.

For the record, I think it’s perfectly okay for someone to say, “I am not willing to do that work. I prefer to accept myself just as I am, and to defend my choices to a world that often criticizes me for them.” I don’t think you’re lazy or morally lax or a horrible person if you make that choice. I wish you didn’t have to defend yourself against such stupid and unfounded accusations. But please don’t try to tell me that my own work is in vain and please don’t try to discourage other people who might want to attempt the same work.  I believe very strongly in body positivity, and for me, that manifests in making my body strong, healthy, and yes, lighter and more toned. My choice. My preference.  My journey.

I MADE THE NEW YORK TIMES!

Today is a very special day, because finally I can reveal a secret I’ve been holding on to for some time.  A few weeks ago I told you that a major national newspaper was following my story. Well, that newspaper is the New York Times, and as of today they have posted a little story and video about my recent 100 pound weight loss!Several months ago, I was contacted by Tara Parker-Pope, who writes a health column and wellness blog for the New York Times. She found me through this blog,  and expressed an interest in following my story. When I told her that we would be celebrating my weight loss milestone on my birthday, June 7, with an 8-mile hike at a local state park, she told me that she wanted to send a video journalist to interview and film me. Enter David Frank and his assistant Jason Tobias, who followed me around all weekend and shot lots and lots of footage (a lot more than what appears in the video).

They’ve told me there will be some follow-up over the next few months, so stay tuned. And to all who were in on the video, not to mention the celebration --- thank you!

SINGIN' IN THE RAIN

Someone asked me a while back whether I thought my friends would treat me differently once I’d lost weight. I immediately said no; my friends are cool. I don’t expect them to think of me any differently. They liked me fat; why shouldn’t they like me slender? I am the same person; I just look different. One of my voice students who hadn’t had a lesson in months came in the other day. She said casually, “Wow, you look great. Of course, I thought you looked great before, too.” Happily, this is my husband’s attitude as well. The chorus of support has been overwhelming, not to mention very much instrumental in my success.

Perhaps because I’ve made such a public spectacle of my weight loss journey, however, a few folks have felt free to make some odd little comments. I honestly don’t think they mean to be rude; they may even think they 're helpful --- like the ones who have feel compelled to warn me about how haaaaaarrrrrrd it is to keep that weight off (after all, they weren’t successful in doing so, after their diets ended);   someone even remarked on how unbelievably fat I was before (not in so many words, but that was the gist).

I try to take such comments in the spirit in which they seem to be intended, which I honestly don't feel to be malice. There may be a little subconscious envy at work there;  or as my friend H.T. said, people who failed to keep the weight off might feel on some level that my own weight loss somehow invalidates them; but most likely, people just don’t quite know what to say beyond “Congratulations.”

For the record, “congratulations” is quite sufficient. Comments about how fat I used to be, on the other hand, are not welcome, appropriate, or necessary. Honestly, would you go up to a friend who’d had plastic surgery and say, “Thank God you finally got that nose job; it really needed some work!” ?  Would you say to a couple who’s finally been successful in getting pregnant, “Congratulations! I hope you can carry it to term --- statistics are against you.”?  "Wow, you were really huge! You look so much better now!" is exactly the same sort of comment.  If you're the type of person who goes around saying such things, I can promise you that however people respond to your face, they are not saying nice things about you once the doorknob grazes your backside.

If you want to talk to me about diets,  that’s fine --- but just so you know, I am not dieting. I eat what I want to eat, though admittedly in smaller portions than I did before, but believe me, if I want a cheeseburger, I am going to have a cheeseburger. The next day, I will probably eat nothing but yogurt and salads, but I happen to like yogurt and salads, so there is no deprivation. The difference between what I am doing and a diet is that a diet is temporary and involves eating certain prescribed things and banning others. And this does not work. It’s been proven over and over again.

I consider that I have made a lifestyle change. It is not always easy. Sometimes I would like nothing better than to return to my old habits, even just for a couple of hours. Sometimes I get really tired of having to be vigilant. Other days, food and eating are the last things on my mind. I’m much more concerned about getting in an extra workout than a slice of pie. That’s what feels good to me now, most of the time. I acknowledge that I will have to be on guard against my old habits for the rest of my life. I’m okay with that.

Besides, it’s a little early to start raining on my parade. I am far from being done losing weight. Heck, if you believe those BMI charts, I still qualify as “obese”.   One hundred pounds was just a milestone, although it was an important one, and one I am not through celebrating, thank you very much.

I didn’t let a plateau derail me; neither the difficulty of eating well while traveling nor nearly nine months of hard work nor a freaking broken wrist have managed to wrench me off this path I have set for myself. I’ve got my wellies on and my giant industrial strength golf umbrella in hand, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be discouraged by a little rain.

THIS BLOG EARNS ITS NAME TODAY

I'm wearing another very tight t-shirt today, but for a different reason than yesterday. Today I am wearing my tight t because this is the big day I've been working for. That's right, folks. I got on the scale this morning and lo and behold, I've finally joined the Century Club. Five days after my self-imposed deadline, and eight and a half months after I begin following the Beck Diet Solution, I have lost one hundred pounds.

Last September, I came home from an audition trip to New York, got on the scale, and saw the biggest number I'd ever seen. I'd been thinking for several weeks, really since our August trip to Sarasota (see the first pic in my gallery) that I really needed to do something about my weight, but seeing that number on the scale was the last straw. I decided right then and there that I was going to give myself a year to try to lose one hundred pounds. From that initial goal, I'm  three and a half months ahead of schedule.

And, broken wrist aside, I feel great. This is it. There isn't any going back.

I want to make it very clear that I was not an unhappy person at the weight I was. I had plenty of great friends (still do). I traveled all over the country, the world even, singing for a living --- what a great career! (Still do).  I dressed well and took good care of my skin and hair --- people were always complimenting me on how nice I looked. I did what I wanted to do, and even though I disliked exercise for exercise's sake rarely did being big stop me from hiking or doing any other outdoor activity I wanted to do. I met and dated and married a wonderful man who loved me and found me attractive just the way I was (and feels the same way now). Eric's love for me, all of me just as I am, is probably the strongest weapon in my arsenal. I could not have lost this weight without his support but also without knowing that he doesn't care whether I lose it or not --- he just wants me to be happy.

It's important to me to say these things because there is a great deal of irrational fat hatred in the world and I don't want my weight loss to be perceived as part of that. Fat people are regularly judged as moral failures based on nothing else than the way they look. They are currently being blamed for, among other things, the crises in medical care, oil, and global warming. These judgments are based on nothing more than stereotypes and have their foundation in  hatred.  So I want to make it clear that I am losing weight because it is my choice. I didn't like the way I looked or felt at the weight I was, but that didn't stop me from living a full and active life. I do not  look at other fat people with disdain, I do not look at them and see ugliness. But for me, it was time for a change, and I'm happy with my new lifestyle and look.

There are other people I need to thank for their help and support. Kim, my diet coach, who is a wonderfully wise and funny friend and always has good advice or and  a good quip. Jennifer, the therapist I've been working with.  My  online friends at LiveJournal and specifically the Beck Diet Solution Support Group. My  mom,  brothers, sisters-in-law, who love and support me no matter what I look like. All the people who read this blog and comment or email me; and all my terrific friends at home. Your encouragement means the world. Please don't stop.

So. As of today, I've lost my first 100 pounds. Tomorrow, I start on the next 100 pounds, or however much it takes to reach the place where my body is happy. I'm not setting any more deadlines for a while; but the next milestone is to see that scale turn over to the 100's. No rush. After all, this is now my lifestyle. And even when I'm craving ice cream and cookies, I like it.

HIKING WHILE FAT! WHO KNEW?

I am wearing a very tight t-shirt today. I like it quite a lot. My mom got it for me for my birthday, and it’s a REGULAR SIZE, which is a big deal. Also it’s purple with funky silver butterflies and flowers on it, very girly.  And it makes me feel all hot and athletic. But the main reason I’m wearing it today is so that I WON’T EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.

I want ice cream. I want a cookie. I want to be able to eat some ice cream or a cookie and not have to agonize over what that stupid scale is going to say in the morning. It’s summertime, it’s hot, my arm is still all puffy and delicate, and I’m tired of being so vigilant all the time.

I also want a good night’s sleep. Lila, one of our Dachshunds, is unhappy about not getting her walk, and she’s been yipping at night once she’s in the crate and keeping us up.  Dachshund Pot Pie, anyone?

There. Temper tantrum over.

Instead of getting a cookie, I splurged at the coffee shop and got some fancy iced mocha thing made with evil sugarfree chocolate syrup and less evil 2% milk. The blended drink looked better, but when I asked the nice lady what the difference was, she looked over her shoulder to make sure her boss wasn’t listening and said, “About 300 calories! Those things are terrible for you!” So, I got the iced version, brought it home and put it in the blender with a whole lot of ice cubes, and got something approximating the blended version. It ain’t a hot fudge sundae, but it’ll do for now.

While looking through a bunch of old pictures, I had a big revelation. I’ve been pretty darn fat for a long time, but despite not naturally being the type to get out and move on a regular basis, I’m pretty outdoorsy. My late friend Gary once told me that I was athletic (I had a good laugh over that one) but maybe I am, in the sense that if there’s a good reason to, I enjoy moving. And for me, a good reason is a beautiful, interesting place to explore.

An awful lot of photographic evidence exists in support of me Hiking While Fat. There we are at Bastrop State Park and Perdernales State Park in Texas, Cape Disappointment in Washington State, Año Nuevo and Purisima Creek Redwoods Preserve in California, and Kaaterskill Falls in New York State, among others. We haven’t done much of it in a while, but now I am eager to get back to it. It’s funny how I dismissed these experiences when thinking about my athleticism or lack thereof.  Being morbidly obese never stopped me from doing anything I wanted to do.

It’s interesting to note this; but I still prefer being slimmer, and I want to be slimmer yet. How much slimmer, I don’t know. It’s still very very important for me to hit that 100-pound milestone, and I am struggling back towards it, but after that, no more deadlines for a while. For a while, I am just going to let the pounds fall off when they may.