WHERE MAH SCALE CANDY?

I’m having one of those weeks when I want to eat everything in sight.

Actually, scratch that. It’s not the food that’s in sight that I want to eat. I want to eat out. I want to have a big luxurious breakfast with a cheese-stuffed omelette and pancakes and all the butter and maple syrup my little heart desires, I want a cheeseburger with onion rings and a thick chocolate shake, I want a decadent ice cream concoction for dinner. I want to bake cookies and eat the dough.

I want to eat good stuff without worrying about the scale.

The problem is, I don’t want to stop losing weight and I certainly don’t want to gain any! It was no joke, saying that this is a lifestyle change and it’s forever. I have no intention of ever going back to eating with total abandon, even for a short time. It can’t be done. The tiger’s tail is firmly in hand.

Sometimes staying on a healthy eating program weighs on you. (Pun intended). It can be, how you say … discouraging. Not discouraging as in “I’m about ready to give up, give in, and spend the morning working my way through the gelato stand in Central Market”, but discouraging as in “Where da hell mah Scale Candy? I’m wanting some Scale Candy, pronto!”

Ah. You are not familiar with the term? Not surprising; I just made it up. Scale Candy, aka Dieter’s Crack, is the pleasurable jolt of a reward you get when you see the number on that scale go down. It’s what makes the suffering and sacrifices worthwhile. And when it’s been a while since you’ve gotten sufficient Scale Candy, well … visions of sugarplums, they do dance in your head. That’s where I am right now. July and August have both been yo-yo months. Ultimately I showed a tiny loss in July and I’m duking it out for August. I had hoped, back in June, to see another significant chunk of weight off by now.

Clearly, I am suffering from sabotaging thoughts, and response cards are warranted.

Sabotaging thought: I’m tired of working so hard to stick to a healthy food plan when it’s so hard to make the weight come off right now. I’d really just like to be able to throw caution to the wind and eat whatever I want to.

Response: You’ve lost 112 pounds – that’s significant. You knew that as you got closer to goal, it was going to get harder. You’ve made a trade of eating too much unhealthy food too often, being uncomfortable in your body, and starting to have some really unpleasant health problems for eating well most of the time while still being able to enjoy some “fun” food, having a fit body that you really enjoy, and reversing those health problems. But if you go back to the old way of eating, the old problems will come back, too. You literally cannot have your cake and eat it, too. You’ve made the right choice. Stick with it.

Comments

[Ms .45]

Thank you for the term "Scale Candy"! I've really been feeling it - I stepped on the scale this morning and weighed "only" 161 pounds! (I'm 5'1", it's awesome but only in consideration of where I've come from.)

I have been having a slightly off week. I have an OK but very sedentary office job, and I got into good habits of bringing a sandwich to work, which I could toast in a sandwich press in our kitchen. Last week I wasn't organised, and although I did bring lunch, it was a bean curry which a) wasn't as filling as the sandwiches and b) it's a bean curry, I'm sure you can work out the next bit. So because the lunch wasn't so satisfying, I'd buy a snack to compensate...

So last night I was too tired to cook and I bought a fried calamari with a side salad and a glass of wine. It wasn't even all that good - I really must learn to cook squid at home. I didn't go over my calorie allowance, but it did leave me a tad peckish.

Rachel - what was different about Italy? Were you on a hiking tour or somesuch?

[chorus girl]

this reminds me of an "ah-ha" moment I had many years ago...I was mourning that I could never eat normally again, until I realized that my eating habits (eating an entire pint of ice cream followed by an entire bag of chips) was NOT normal. My NEW habits were normal. It was freeing, somehow. I still have that screw loose about food, but every day brings new hope that I will feed my body in a healthy, positive way. Its a struggle, and I am not always up to it, but one foot in front of the other.

[Rachel]

When I was in Italia, I had the luxury of being able to eat pretty much whatever I wanted without consequence on the scale. I was grateful for that, and I took advantage of it because I knew it would be short lived. I've been home ten days, more or less on plan, and I've gained two and a half pounds. Six weeks of pasta, pizza, and gelato and didn't gain an ounce. Ten days of salad and protein power and I'm up almost three pounds. That's fucked up. So I can hear the frustration about the lack of scale candy because I'm experiencing it too, although probably to a lesser degree since I've only been on plan for two weeks.

Regarding "cake," I think it's different for everybody and that we all feel that way about SOMETHING. For me, it's about singing and people with natural voices. Seeing somebody who doesn't give two shits open her mouth and make sounds that I would kill for drives me bananas because they have NO IDEA how lucky they are and because it will never be as easy for me as it is for them because my instrument just doesn't work like that. It's not natural and it's not easy and it's a hell of a lot of work for what feels like a very modest gain a lot of the time. A different kind of "Scale Candy."

We push on though, right? I think that's what defines strength in some senses, continuing the struggle when it's hardest and when you most feel like throwing in the towel. And for that reason alone, the development of strength and fortitude, I think the struggle is worth it. For me, anyway. *shrug*

[kelley]

Can I tell you how good it feels to know someone else feels this way this week??

I know I've just started Beck and I've slowly lost 5 pounds, but all I want to do this week is get the double, double burger with bacon and cheese and fries and a malt. Now that I stepped on the scale this morning for my Thursday weigh in, and found I've lost nothing this week, I want it even more.

It isn't fair. I see my friends eating small portions of incredible fattening, tasty food and they are able to stop. And they wear bikinis. Arghh. I do think that love is abundant in my life and for some reason I got the best boyfriend on earth who most women would give their thinness for, but this week is hard. And I'm glad for your post cause it makes me feel like I don't need that big burger so much.

[100lbs]

Yes, you've hit the nail on the head. For whatever reason, some of us just have screwy wiring when it comes to food. And this gets complicated by the messages we get from society about food and fat and what women are supposed to look like and how we're all supposed to live the good life which includes lots of delicious food but not too much and ... and ... and ...

The struggle gets tiring. That's really the hard part, to just keep going when you know there's not really an end. There are lulls when it will be easier, but no end.

But there is some consolation. There are parts of your life that are cake to you, and to other people, they're the hardest thing in the world. They just can't understand how it can be soooo easy for you when it's soooo hard for them. It's different for everybody.

So part of this process for me is just acceptance --- accepting that this is MY particular struggle. The good news is that I CAN win it. The bad news is that the fight will never be completely, 100% over.

[Twyla]

I'm feelin' ya.

My challenge at the moment is being confronted with those who can indeed have both.

They don't consider it having their cake and eating it too, but in MY world, it's cake. Oh, yes, cake. Troughs and troughs of cake.

They just don't appreciate how lucky they are to have something as banal as "normalcy", which is something I and people like me have to bust our asses for every day.

When I see others take for granted that which I bust my ass for, it really makes me want to throw the whole thing out the window.

A different kind of fatigue than what you're going through, but I think it generates the same feelings....

...and though they suck MIGHTILY, those feelings, they aren't unsurpassable.

I just happen to think the struggle often sux mightily.

Did I mention MIGHTILY?