HIGHWAY TO THE DANGER ZONE

I am in the danger zone.

For whatever reason (Holidays? Being extra busy? Laziness? Boredom?) it’s much more difficult to resist temptations right now. I got careless in New York this time, and had a day of really off-plan eating. It’s not what or how much I ate that worries me --- in the scheme of things, it wasn’t so much --- but the carelessness with which I did it. The ease with which I fell back into old patterns, as if the last 15 months had never happened, as if I were somehow magically “cured” of my desire to eat too much good food.

I feel as if I’ve betrayed myself.

Now, before anybody starts thinking I’m wallowing in some dark night of the soul over this, beating myself up, just haul up on the reins. That’s not in my nature, and besides, I do realize that this path sometimes gets rocky and requires careful going. I am, however, concerned about this backsliding becoming a pattern, so it’s time to go back and consult the road map again and try to get myself strictly back on track.

There are some real challenges coming up. My schedule does not ease up for the rest of December. I will probably make at least two more trips to New York this month, and then of course there’s Christmas, which means a lot of family coming in, and a lot of eating out and treats lying around and so on. The out-of-towners are going to want Tex-Mex at least once. Perhaps because time is so short this year, I feel more pressured and anxious about safely navigating the holidays than I have in some time.

So, there is nothing to do but really buckle down and try to be as strict as possible between now and Christmas.  Write new response cards and reading the old ones before every meal, like I did in the beginning. Write a new list of why I want to keep the weight off. I plan to go through some old photos of myself and make a collage to remind myself that I do not want to go back to looking like that! And of course, stick to the food plan.

Most importantly, I have to take it one bite at a time. Oh, and let’s not forget giving oneself credit. Today, I had an audition. I was dolled up, big hair, makeup, my cute brown audition dress. My accompanist, who I coach with regularly and in fact saw just the day before yesterday, walked past me repeatedly without recognizing me! He laughingly confessed that he wasn’t quite used to the new me, especially when I was all glammed up for an audition. I confess, I was very naughty and said, “Now Joe, are you telling me that I look schlumpy when I come for coachings?”. He was a little flustered, poor man, but gallantly hastened to insist that rather it was a case of my looking extra glamorous and beautiful for auditions. Yes, it was mean of me to tease him. But it’s pretty funny that he didn’t recognize me out of context! Next week I am auditioning for a company I sang a role with last season, so it will be interesting to see what their reaction is.

Comments

[Annette]

Apparently the thought below was so important to me I had to post it twice. (Although I didn't -- must be some Typepad glitch.) Which reminds me: the RSS feed has been messed up since your headshot post (There is something about a "non-declared namespace prefix in line 180, character 79" -- does this makes any sense to you?! No, not to me, either.)

[Annette]

Re wearing "your tightest pants": this gets me thinking how clothes from stretchy materials aren't such a great idea, weight-wise. You just don't get that "cease and desist" feedback.
So -- how are things? Miss your posts...

[Theresa K.]

Hang in there! I'm glad you posted your recent lapse. One more tip to try: wear your very tightest pants; the ones that force you to stand very tall and suck it in. It's good ab exercise and a good reminder of your continued battle.

[H. Skippety]

Sounds like you've got a good plan in place to deal with December! Keep us posted on how it goes . . . if you don't feel that it's too personal to share, it would be neat to see what some of your new response cards say, especially since you're in such a different place than when you started. I'd be curious to know how your response cards have changed over time. In a way, it's kind of like a journal, isn't it?

But that might be too personal to post . . .

[Karen]

I would imagine you could expect to hear a loud *THUD* as their jaws hit the floor. ; )

When you mentioned making a new list of reasons for losing weight, I've realized my own list has lost its oomph. I think I need to revamp my own list and perhaps toss in a few new response cards besides. Time to decorate more than the tree for the holidays. : D

[Liz Turtle]

I know that your Beck note cards (solution cards? I forget the exact term)have been very helpful to you in the past. Are you keeping them close at hand during this challenging time of year? I'm finding the holiday season tough too, but trying to plan ahead the best I can ;).

[Beach Bum]

toi toi