GOOD FOR THE SOUL

You know what they say about confession being good for the soul? Well, I've been doing some mental housekeeping lately and it's time to come clean.

It's not exactly a secret that I've been struggling for several months now to lose the last thirty pounds, or that my weight's been going up and down a few pounds like kids playing on the escalator at the mall. But I have been reticent about specifics, partly due to embarrassment, partly due to trying to stay positive, and largely due to hiding the truth from myself. I'm very good at that last part!

When I was in Minnesota back in February, I got down to the lowest low yet: 134.5 pounds down from my original weight. It was a rarified environment: no one but myself to cook for, no food in the house but what I brought in, upwards of two hours of exercise a day. But once back home, I couldn't maintain that, and my weight started creeping up. I stopped keeping my weight loss chart, stopped exercising so much, and lost track of how much I was gaining back. It's not until I got back from my most recent trip to LA, struggling with overcoming that "vacation mentality", that I got out the ol' chart again.

And then I realized that I had not weighed my current weight (which, BTW, is down over 6 pounds from the beginning of this month) since December 2008. That's right, I gained back almost twenty pounds.

As you can imagine, this scares the hell out of me. This has happened so many times before, and it was the same situation: I got busy with my singing career and let the health issues slide. Before I knew it, the pounds were back, with friends.

What makes the difference this time? This time, I caught it. This time, I haven't panicked. I know what to do,  I'm doing it, and I will continue to repeat the process as many times as necessary. I fully expect that there will come another time when I will get on the scale and say, "Whoa! It's salad week!" I believe this is a normal part of life for a person who must work to manage her weight. So, moving forward, I refuse to let it freak me out, even a little.

I'm coming clean now for several reasons. One (so shoot me) is that I feel I have it under control, and feeling stronger, I can open up about it. Second, I feel slightly guilty for not sharing this glitch with my readers before now. Third, I know there are others out there who are struggling with this very issue themselves, and my experience may help them.

I have renewed enthusiasm for the whole process, and feel more hopeful than every that I can see this through to goal. It's exciting to me (in retrospect) to go through these ups and downs. When you jump a hurdle, however clumsily, you get to see what you can do better next time you face it.

To end on a positive note, I've been eating the E2 way for about a week now and I love it (so does my husband). I'm not 100% faithful to the veganism, but I'm about 99%. One of the recipes is for French toast, which my French husband loves. You know me, I can never make a recipe as written. I souped it up a little bit and I leave you with CINDY'S SUPER SOUPED-UP FRENCH TOAST.

Serves 2.

2 ripe bananas, mashed.
1 cup milk substitute (I use unsweetened almond milk, or soy)
1 scoop soy or whey protein powder
2 tsp vanilla or orange extract
2 tsp cinnamon
4 slices whole grain bread
1/4 cup rolled oats
1/4 cup chopped pecans

Mix the protein powder with the milk substitute, extract, and cinnamon. Add the mashed banana. In separate bowl, place the oats and chopped pecans. Soak the bread first in the wet mixture, then roll in the dry.

Heat a frying pan and when hot, spray with just enough canola oil so the bread won't stick. Cook on both sides until firm.

Serve topped with a lot of fresh fruit and a little bit of maple syrup. MMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Comments

[Anonymous]

Hi there!

Just wanted to follow up on my earlier post. Here is the Amazon link to the Refuse to Regain book. http://www.amazon.com/Refuse-Regain-Tough-Maintain-Earned/dp/1884956939/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246283473&sr=8-1

I don't agree with everything in the book, but it definitely has some useful tools that I have been following (and also see the pitfalls that I've fallen into myself in the past). I actually have found the guidance about unrefined carbs/sugar extremely helpful.

Please also check out refusetoregain.com. It is a website that a lot of "maintainers" find very helpful -- just good to here what other folks who struggle on this journey have learned.

Best of luck!

[Cindy]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for your good wishes and support!

Theresa, it's not that I didn't realize I was gaining or was trying to hide it, but I certainly wasn't shining the spotlight on it that I should have. Scale Amnesty can be a useful tool when you find yourself getting obsessed, but clearly it can also be a crutch. I'm retiring it for the time being and going back to my daily weight log!

Kelly, it is remarkably easy to gain a ridiculous amount in just a couple of weeks, but the good news is that when it goes on quickly, it usually comes off quickly, too.

Chris, thanks for reading and for the kind words. Community is really important for ALL of us faced with this challenge! I'm glad my story helps you.

Anon, thanks for writing! I've never heard of the book you mention, but it sounds like it has some similar ideas to Beck. I'll check for it next time I'm in the bookstore.

[Anonymous]

Hi there:

I love your blog! Just wanted to offer a thought. I've noticed that you have mentioned "Scale Amnesty" a few times. For me, I think that the times I gained weight were times when I didn't get on the scale often enough and basically ignored what was happening. I am sure you have read the Refuse to Regain book (also the website refusetoregain.com)? I have found many of the tools in the book very helpful for maintenance. One thing that it recommends (and I think that the Beck Diet Solution approach also does) is weighing yourself daily. The idea is to keep yourself accountable and catch yourself in slip ups before you climb up the scales significantly (also, if you reach a "scream" weight, the idea is that you take immediate action). While I know that there's a danger of investing too much of how you feel about yourself on a number on the scale, that downside seems to me to be outweighed by careful monitoring. It's so hard to lose 20 lbs, but it is so very easy to regain it. Good luck!

[Chris Lopez]

Thank you for your honesty. It really helps those of us also on this challenging road take solace that we have terrific and honest companions along the way who share our struggles.

[kelleyramee@gmail.com]

We ALL go up and down in weight, so if anything, this post is inspirational. Your weight loss was much quicker than mine ( I am currently losing 1 pound a week for 4 months now), and when I went on vacation last week, I gained 9 pounds. In one week! So I know how easy it is to gain 20, and I know you'll lose it. Way to go for catching it early.

[Theresa]

Oh,
BTW.... sometimes it takes a bit of a kick in the pants to get back at it. This is yours! Mine was when I started researching gastric banding surgery. That's when I knew I certainly needed to do SOMETHING more than what I was doing.
Cheers. :)

[Theresa]

This might come as a surprise to you Cindy, but you might be the last one to know about the gain!!! It was quite obvious to me.... mainly because it has happened to me too. Daily tracking when the news is NOT good is very mentally draining. I always knew you were teetering on the edge. I fully believed that you would overcome this and I certainly think that you are inspirational, a person to be admired and a wonderful example to us all. You don't have to be perfect Cindy! You are a success just as you are.
:)