BIRTHDAY CATCHUP

Temptation dogged me all day Saturday, dogged me hard. It's a problem in a place like this. It's not that I'm not plenty busy, but I'm away from my routine, my husband, my dogs. I'm in a pretty small town that doesn't offer a lot in the way of entertainment (at least not that which would entertain me). When I was here five years ago, I frequently entertained myself with food, and I am constantly battling the urge to do so again. Little bites here and there really add up, and this is one of my greatest dietary sins. But I also get bored with my own cooking, as I did last night, and go out in search of alternatives.

Indianola boasts a plethora of fast food restaurants, value buffets, and a few local greasy spoons, but nothing in the way of healthy fare. When I am in the mood to go out, I bargain with myself: a glass of wine, maybe some non-bread carbs with dinner, but no dessert. Keep it low fat. Or, it's going to be higher in fat, so skip the carb calories.On Saturday, I went out to dinner in Des Moines, and did pretty well except for the onion rings. I ordered some thinking there would be something like 5, and it turned out to be a huge plate full. I stopped eating when I was full and threw the rest away, resisting the temptation to bring that greasy goodness home. Later that evening, after I'd run my errands, the craving for ice cream became ridiculously intense. I found myself bargaining with myself about stopping at a fast food place to get some, even though I know that I do not want to eat crappy, HFCS-filled soft serve. There's a Dairy Queen right where I make the turn to go to my apartment. Up until I hit that intersection, I was ready to pull in and get "just a small" something. But somehow at the light, I made myself turn away.

Monday was my birthday and to be quite honest, I was feeling pretty melancholy. I miss my husband and my dogs, and although I was looking forward to rehearsal and to the Susannah sing-through, I was not looking forward to the day itself. I can't quite stop kicking myself for the almost-two-weeks-off training, which put me behind where I wanted to be by my birthday. This is dumb; I'm back to it, and although I lost a little fitness, it will come back as I continue to work. And the fact is that my goal was to be in the best shape of my life by this birthday, and I certainly am, even if that shape is not yet what I want it to be. I just have to work harder.

I had a late night the night before, so I got up later than usual and didn't have much time before my first rehearsal, so I walked down to the bakery and bought two pastries and a coffee. Immediately, I was mad at myself for buying two. Pastry #1 was delicious but way too sugary. I took one bite of the second and knew I really didn't want it; so I put it aside for later.

Having a sugary pastry with no protein turned out to be a really bad idea, and I didn't feels so great for my morning rehearsal. Not only was I low energy, but I really believe it affected my mood and made me feel low. I couldn't make up my mind what to do with the rest of the afternoon. Strangely, I wasn't hungry and didn't feel like eating, but I was determined not to sit around all day, getting deeper into a funk. Finally, I decided to go out to lunch and get something healthy, but still a treat. And you know ... I felt a lot better after I ate. Turns out I really need some protein and carbs at every meal.

Above is my costume for The Marriage of Figaro. This was taken at the fitting, so I don't have hair or makeup done --- apparently there is going to be an extravagant red wig. The petticoat was too big and had to be taken in, but the dress fit perfectly, which is always nice!

I'd done a big workout on Sunday so that I could have the day off, and in the evening we had a sing-through of Susannah, a modern opera by Carlisle Floyd.When an opera cast comes together to begin rehearsals, usually one of the first things that happens is that we sit down and sing through the entire opera, with piano. At DMMO, it's tradition to do this in front of the entire company. DMMO has a large summer apprenticeship program, and it's educational for the young singers to hear the operas this way and see the process from the ground up, so to speak. The apprentici (as they're called here) sing chorus, and sometimes take some of the smaller roles (known as comprimario roles) as well as cover (understudy) the principals.

So, we had a sing through of this wonderful American opera. It's based on the apocryphal tale of Susanna and the Elders. This version is set in the Appalachia of the 1930's, in New Hope Valley, TN, at revival time. I play the role of Mrs. McLean, the wife of one of the most prominent elders of the church, and the catalyst for much of the action. It is a small but very powerful role --- she is very much the power behind the throne, and this is shown in economical but extremely intense little moments. In other words, there is not a lot of singing, no arias or extended scenes for me, but Mrs. McLean is the queen of pithy one-liners and definitely makes an impression. She also gets the last word in every scene she's in. There's one line in particular that is known and beloved by any singer who has ever heard or done the work, and it always gets a laugh out of context. The title character, Susannah, has brought a dish of field peas to a church social, and she is publicly ostracized and chased away by the disapproving townfolk, who wrongly believe she has sinned. In the ominous silence that follows her departure, Mrs. McLean says contemptuously, "I wouldn't tech them peas 'o' her'n." Everybody waits just for this line, and when I sang it the other night, I got bravos for it ... it was silly and fun.

It was a very emotional evening for me, however. First of all, the music is gorgeous, there is nothing like hearing opera in your own language, and we have an amazing cast that sang so sensitively and beautifully. I found myself weeping through a lot of it. Susannah has two arias of transcendent beauty, the ravishing "Ain't It a Pretty Night", and the heart-breaking "The Trees on the Mountain". Her brother, Sam, also has a heart-wrenching aria, "It Must Make the Good Lord Sad". After a while, I realized that it wasn't just hearing this music that was moving me so much. The last time I attended a performance of this opera was the day I found out my father had pancreatic cancer. In fact, I found out at intermission. I had not thought about this in years, but music digs deep into our memories and emotions, and unearths layers of feeling.

On top of that, I was remembering Jerry Hadley, the star tenor who committed suicide a couple of years ago. The last time I heard him live was as Sam, in the same production during which I discovered my dad was dying. I did not know Mr. Hadley well, but he was singing Nemorino in a production of L'elisir d'amore when I was an apprentice in Chicago, and I will never forget his particular kindness to me. He gave me a private voice lesson and a pep talk during a time when I really needed to hear it. He was as famous for his kindness to young singers as he was for his beautiful singing. His death was a great tragedy and it made me very sad.

It wasn't all tears, though! There is nothing like having an entire company of opera singers (we're talking over 100 people!) sing "Happy Birthday" to you. They gave me some beautiful balloons and a card that had been signed by all --- so thoughtful!

Susannah is a short opera, and afterwards I invited the cast over to my apartment for some snacks and birthday cake. We were pretty packed in, but it was a lot of fun. We went around the room introducing ourselves (we haven't gotten to see each other much outside of rehearsals, when we are working) and everybody had to tell one thing that most people don't know about them. Turns out we had a former professional bowler, Miss Maine, a professional sommelier, someone wrongly arrested for car theft, someone who got a DUI for Nyquil (which, as it turns out,will put you over the limit!), someone who had traveled to Mongolia, and many other interesting stories. My "secret" was that I had taken a Bollywood dance class, and of course everyone wants me to teach them the dance, so now I have to remember it! I made guacamole, salsa, and two cakes, and the day after I took all the leftovers to the theater where they were devoured by the end of the day! I cannot live in the same house as frosting of any kind. I will eat it right off the top of the cake.

Birthday spread

My workout plans for Tuesday and now today have been thrown awry by the onset of a migraine, which I'm pretty sure was brought on by the weather.  It came on last night and was still with me when I woke up this morning. I had intended to get up and run this morning, and that clearly did not happen. I feel better now, though, and I did get up and put on my workout togs just in case. So I'm going to do my Power 90 DVD and then later this evening, I'll run.  I am determined to work hard this summer. I've been struggling to maintain and I really, really want to lose again. There will have to be some changes for that to happen.

Comments

[Sara]

Happy birthday! Hang in there-- being away from home for a long time (and a birthday!) is tough but it sounds like you're already reaching out to the great group around you. When you feel better, the exercise will help, too. You're doing great!

[Dalila Valentine]

Dear Cindy,

Belated Happy Birthday!

You have accomplished so much this year, meeting so many of your fitness goals, even if you wish you'd met more (isn't that always the case, though?)

And I really know what you mean about eating sugary foods with no protein. If I have something like that I feel disoriented, tired, and cranky, and then an hour later I'm really hungry again. I've decided that the reason "sweets" make people fat isn't so much that they contain a lot of calories in and of themselves, but that they don't satisfy biological hunger, so after you've eaten something like that you need real food too. I know I have made an effort to stop eating things like that and have noticed a huge improvement in my stamina when I sing, which is something I've worked very hard to build up, and at 60 I have more than I did at 30 when I was living on a totally non-nutritious diet.

P.S. Your dress is gorgeous.

[diana]

First, happy belated birthday! Second, I want to thank you for sharing your love and knowledge of opera with us. It's all new to me and so interesting to read your stories. Keep 'em coming!