The Next Hundred Pounds

TEA PARTIES AND HOME GYMS

Today is a very special day. I am going to Dallas (about 3.5 hours away by car) with my niece Gracie, her mom Laura, and my mom, Carol Lee, to attend an event at the America Girl doll store. This is Gracie's birthday present, and I am very flattered that she invited her Aunt Cindy to come along.

What it means for Aunt Cindy, besides getting to spend quality time with her brilliant and beautiful niece, is getting up at 5:45 a.m. on a Sunday to get the last P90X workout of the week done. Fortunately, it was Kenpo, which is a lot of fun. You can totally get your aggression out, pretending to kick and punch Those Who Need Their A$$es Kicked.

So, I got my Kenpo done before 8 a.m. One of the advantages of working out first thing is that the last thing you want to do is eat afterwards --- but you do need a recovery drink after working out hard. I made a delicious shake with a scoop of protein powder, a cup of nonfat yogurt, a cup of chocoalte almond milk, and a cup of frozen cherries.

My challege today is to eat right. We are traveling. The plan is to stop off for lunch in Waco, probably at Jason's Deli --- a salad bar, but they also have free soft serve yogurt and lots of dangerous goodies on the salad bar. My plan is to have a huge salad with some lean protein (probably a hard-boiled egg and some chickpeas) and fill up on that. There is party food of some sort being served at the store event, and being that it's for little girls, my guess is it will be completely unhealthy, so I will do my best to skip that. We will probably stop for some sort of meal on the way home and my guess is it will be another chain-type place. Caution, caution Will Robinson! My game plan for the day: eat simply. (Also, I am packing my own snacks, just in case: a Think Thin protein bar and some rice cakes).

Yesterday, Eric and I put together what he has dubbed The Tower of Pain. It looks like this:

It has a pull-up bar, among other goodies, and so during yesterday's workout I attempted my first pull-ups. I used a chair, holding onto the bar, and placed just the tips of my toes on the seat. Then I used my back muscles to pull myself up as far as I could, which wasn't very far --- but they certainly were working. I was able to do 5 or 6 reps each time they came up in the workout (about 5 times). It's a start. I am now fantasizing about having beautiful back muscles, like a ballet dancer. :)

So, this is our "home gym". It's in our bedroom, which I'm not crazy about, but it's the only place in the house where it works. Until we are independently wealthy and can afford a dedicated room, here it stays. We bought some inexpensive but very good mats at Sam's Club --- you can piece them together and they give good padding, which saves both your joints and the carpet. We have some free weights, some push-up handles, a couple of yoga mats, and some resistance bands, along with the Tower of Pain and the (not very good) bike. These, along with our collection of workout DVDs, work pretty well. When I travel, the resistance bands, DVDs, and a yoga mat go with me. (Actually, half the time I end up buying a new, cheap yoga mat at someplace like TJ Max, as I go through them fairly quickly). You can get a lot done with very little!

MINI MOVES TO RECLAIM YOUR MOJO

Sara writes: "I'm trying to ease back into healthy eating (I do pretty well with exercise) and want to focus on one thing for the next week since I usually try to do an overhaul all at once and it backfires. What would you suggest? Smaller portion sizes? Dessert only on the weekend? Eating a certain amount of fruits and veggies a day? Something else? I'll try to add one thing each week after, but where do I start that will make the most difference right away to keep me motivated? "

Sara, you're smart to realize that baby steps are better when it comes to getting your mojo back! Spending a week really concentrating on establishing one good habit is better than overreaching and burning out when all the restrictions become too overwhelming. So where should you start?

Well, you could decide which single item is the most challenging, the one thing that you can pinpoint as your biggest downfall, and then break it down into microgoals, trying to concentrate on achieving one most of the time each week.

I wouldn't set a specific deadline as to how much time you'd take to achieve each goal. You might need  longer than a week. It's not something you want to beat yourself up about.

Here's another idea, and probably what I would try: I would start working on the psychological aspects before I did anything else, because that is what makes the difference in whether you stick to your plan or not. I might start off by not restricting myself at all, but working on awareness. First, I would simply insist that on keeping a food plan every single day. I would write out what I planned to eat the night before, and my goal would be to read the food plan over before I put anything at all in my mouth, and not to deviate from that plan. This serves the purpose of making you aware of what you're eating, and how much. If you eat something that you didn't plan, write it down. Remember, you can have whatever you want, but you have to plan ahead for it.

After the food plan was comfortably established, my next goal would simply to be aware of how much I was eating. In addition to planning what I would eat, I would make it my goal to measure every portion that went in my mouth. Again, still placing no restrictions, but not letting a morsel pass my lips until it had been measured. I would record how much I ate. After that, I would start planning how much I'd eat along with what I was going to eat.

Then, assuming that's going well, next I would start to take a look at what exactly I was eating and how much of it. I would use a calorie calculator to figure out about how many calories I should be consuming in order to lose weight, and then I'd figure out a plan. If you don't want to count calories, count points or educate yourself about appropriate portion sizes. Decide what kind of diet works best for you and plan your food accordingly.

You can ease into that, too. If you need dessert regularly, maybe you can plan to have it a couple of times a week, but also plan a small treat every day. (Mine is a small piece of very good dark chocolate, or half a cup of fruit sorbet). If you have a hard time getting enough veggies in, maybe you can spend the first couple of weeks concentrating on that. Just give yourself time and be patient. Remind yourself frequently why you want to eat this way --- especially whenever you're tempted to give in "just this once".

Here's another way to go, and what's been working for me. Spend a week or so eating very simply. Don't cook fancy recipes or eat out. Eat good, plain food like salads, tuna, cottage cheese and yogurt, fresh veggies, fruit, and whole grains. Limit stuff like bread to once a day. I find this "resets" my palate if I've been having too many indulgences, and helps me come back to the kind of eating I need to do on a day to day basis. Once I'm firmly back on track, I find that I can add in the occasional indulgence.

Oh. And keep up the exercise, Sara. Kick it up a notch if you can. That will help you maximize any efforts you're making with your healthy eating. Good luck!

MANIFESTO

Typepad has this nifty feature which shows where visitors to this blog are coming from. From time to time, I like to follow these links back to check out the sites which are referencing me. It's a great way to get to "meet" some other bloggers and also to find interesting links on their sites.

It never fails to amaze how --- you should pardon the pun --- exercised some people get on the subject of weight loss and food. They are extremely volatile subjects and everyone has an opinion; many of which are strictly black and white. There's also a lot of misinformation floating around out there. Anyway, it got me thinking about my own philosophies, which I spout off fairly often here, but every once in a while, I like to consolidate.

Where food is concerned, I am a firm believer in eating real food with an emphasis on fresh foods simply prepared. Real food to me means food that is close to its natural form. Food without artificial ingredients of any kind; without unnecessary added gunk like HFCS or injected fat; food made with minimal processing (if any at all). Animal products come from animals that have been treated humanely --- allowed to roam freely and fed a diet they are meant to eat; not injected with growth hormones and unnecessary antibiotics. If it's organic and locally grown, so much the better. I recommend reading books like Nina Planck's Real Food: What to Eat and Why, Cindy Burke's To Buy or Not to Buy Organic, Dr. Andrew Weil's writings (which started my husband and me on our quest for our best health), and sites like Mark Bittman's,  Food Renegade, Fat Free Vegan, and The Svelte Gourmet (a new site to which reader Suzanne turned me on! Thanks, Suzanne!). You'll notice that not all these sites share the same philosophies on nutrition, but I find good information and ideas on all of them.

I don't believe in eating junk food, fast food or chain restaurant food unless it is absolutely unavoidable. It is low-quality, usually assembled from pre-cooked, fat-injected frozen stuff sent from the factory rather than prepared fresh on site, nutritionally nightmarish, and to me, tastes awful. I remember a couple of years ago at a party with some opera colleagues --- we were all staying in the same apartment building and often had potlucks. Someone brought some Hot Pockets. They smelled pretty good, and I thought I'd taste just a bite. I had to spit it out, it was so foul! Everyone else was scarfing them down as if they were gourmet, but to me it just tasted like grease and nastiness. Give me a piece of fresh-baked bread and some real Gruyere or Brie, please!

I don't believe that all calories are equal, either. Eating a 1200 calorie a day diet of popcorn and frozen yogurt (which my roommate and I did for the better part of our senior year of college) is not healthy. You may lose weight (we did) but as soon as you start eating normally, you'll put it back on and then some (yes, we did).

I do believe that no foods should be off limits. If you really like your fast food, a Big Mac now and then is not going to kill you. It's better to have one as a treat once in a while than to deny yourself and be unhappy. I eat all kinds of naughty things. Twice a week, I have a pastry chock full of fat and sugar for breakfast, along with migas. I've only recently (and very reluctantly) given up half-and-half in my coffee when I buy it away from home. I'll cop to the occasional salt-and-vinegar potato chip and I'll give up my gelato when you pry it from my cold, sticky hands. But treats are just that --- treats. They aren't for every day, at least not big treats. I do believe in small every day treats, like a square of really really really good chocolate or half a cup of fruit sorbet, or a nice, big glass of wine.

Regarding a philosophy of eating, what to eat aside, I believe in taking ownership. I believe in informing yourself about nutrition --- not fads and politics and politically correct stuff, but real facts --- and being honest with yourself about what you are eating and how much of it. Most of us, myself included, vastly underestimate how much we're eating unless we measure it. Try it for a couple of days --- you'll be surprised.

You've got to take charge. Forget about fad diets, crash diets, and quick fixes. They don't work, they are expensive, and they can be harmful. Instead, educate yourself. Read labels and eliminate anything with more than five or six ingredients from your diet, and especially anything with the words "transfat" or "hydrogenated", or with long chemical names. Understand portion sizes. You don't have to count calories or points or what have you, but you do have to know what constitutes a serving and stick to it. Base your daily intake on a good food pyramid, like Dr. Walter Willett's Healthy Eating Pyramid or Dr. Andrew Weill's Anti-Inflammatory Food Pyramid. If you're vegan or vegetarian, here's one for you.

I believe that there is a significant psychological aspect to losing weight and keeping it off, that most diets don't pay enough attention to this, and that until you confront and learn to manage your individual issues, you're unlikely to have longterm success. Anyone who insists that all you need to do is "put down the Twinkie and move your fat ass" is an ignorant, rude moron (I call them the "Nyah Nyah Fatty" types) and has no idea what he's talking about. While it's true that burning more calories than you take in and working out will help you lose weight, the truth that anyone who struggles understands is that losing weight is easy. Establishing the mindset that allows you to remake your life and your relationships with food and exercise is what is required for longterm success, and it is an incredibly difficult and arduous undertaking. And it is a journey that is never over.

Cognitive therapy worked really well for me, but I also had to make the decision to take charge. It is not merely a matter of personal discipline, though a good deal of that is required. I had to figure out what I was willing to do and then learn how to stick with it. That is a daily exercise for me. Over time, what I am and am not willing to do has changed; some of the initial tools that helped me get over my initial hurdles have lost efficacy due to familiarity and personal growth. I am always on the lookout for new tools and ways keeping it fresh. It's also been very important to me to acknowledge that there will be moments and days and even periods when I don't do as well as I'd like to; that these are natural, and the important thing is to just do the best I can until I have the ability to buckle down again.

As for exercise, I am a big believer in finding something you like --- or can at least tolerate --- and finding some way to do it regularly. If you can establish an exercise habit, not only will it help you lose weight, become healthier and more fit, and look and feel better, but you may be very surprised in what it will lead you to do. A dear friend of mine once asked me to help her get inspired to do some sort of exercise; she just hated it. We tried all sorts of things but what she finally settled on was doing some daily stretching. It wasn't much in the way of exercise, but it was better than nothing, and she would stick to it. Imagine my surprise a couple of years later when she told me she had started running with her teenaged daughter --- they did Couch to 5K together! I started off by doing nothing more than walking twenty minutes or half an hour a day. Now I can hike 16 miles of rough territory in one day, I can run 10K, I can do a tough fitness program. More importantly, I like it. Working out has become its own reward and something I enjoy. (Hey, some days I enjoy it more than others, but I do enjoy it). And I believe it is absolutely vital to a healthy, happy life.

These are my thoughts, based on my experiences. I'm not trying to tell anyone else what they should do. I would like for people to get informed (from quality sources) and form their own opinions. I hope this blog can be one source of quality information, and hopefully inspiration, for others. But no one is the end-all be-all. Think and decide for yourself! :)

SKINNY JEANS!

There is no joy quite like the joy of sliding on a pair of jeans that, a couple of weeks ago, you had to wriggle into. After my first week of P90X, I've lost over six pounds and my jeans are definitely fitting better. I've noticed that it usually takes about 20 pounds before I see an actual change in clothing size, and a lot more than that before people notice you lost weight (I remember that around the 80 pound mark, people really started making comments about it --- but I was also quite large and had a long way to go. Your mileage may vary).

But as happy as I am to be losing weight again --- it was time --- it's not the main reason I'm doing this workout program. It's first and foremost about re-establishing discipline; it's about my long-cherished desire to get into the best shape of my life (whatever that turns out to be); to be become truly athletic and fit; and last but not least, to better deal with my on-going struggle against my natural inclination to stuff my piehole with whatever looks good and beach myself on the couch like a confused whale. I don't think I'll ever get over feeling like I have to be on guard against the slippery slope.

True to what has worked for me in the past, however, I'm not staying strictly on the nutrition plan. It allows for a few goodies like fruit sorbet and frozen yogurt, even the occasional pancake for breakfast; but we cherish our breakfasts out once or twice a week, and after my loooooooong Monday, I think I'm entitled to a fairly sizable glass of wine. My feeling is that if this keeps me eating cottage cheese, tuna, and carrot sticks the rest of the week --- all of which, btw, I quite enjoy but would get bored with if I ate nothing else --- it's all good. My new discovery and favorite sweet snack are Mother's Rice Cakes. I like the caramel flavor. 45 calories each, 10g carbs, 3g sugar, and they are both crunchy and sweet. They also come in savory flavors like white cheddar and butter, which I have yet to try.

I also really enjoy my post-workout recovery drink --- 8 oz of unsweetened chocolate almond milk, a scoop of soy protein powder, a tablespoon of maple syrup, and some vanilla extract. I blend it with a little ice for a nice shake.

I don't plan to eat like this forever, by the way --- it's a very specific high protein, low-carb diet designed to maximize what you get from the workouts. But for now, it works on any number of levels and I am enjoying it. That in itself is a big change from a few years ago --- that I enjoy challenging myself by eating a training diet and training hard.

That doesn't mean it's always easy to make myself put that DVD in and push play. It's an hour or more of my time every day, and some days I'd really just like to come home and flop in front of the TV. But I want to be superfit more than I want the down time.

I can have down time when I'm dead. ;)

CELEBRATING A FITNESS MILESTONE

In fall of 2007, when I first decided that it was time to change my life, lose weight and keep it off, and take back my health and fitness, I had heard of this extreme fitness program that you had to be pretty darn fit already to even attempt. Something about it really appealed to me, and the seed of a goal was planted right then and there. It was a motivator throughout that first big push to lose weight, the idea that maybe in time I too could be fit enough to do something like this.

I started working out with a personal trainer and realized I really, really liked it. I loved her boot camps, working out in a group with other people and just encouraging each other, goading each other to work a little harder, sweat a little more. It was positive and it was fun, even if it was hard work.

I discovered in one of these boot camps that hey! I actually could run! And I liked it! Big revelation. So I started running, until I got hurt last summer. At the same time, I needed a workout program to take on the road with me, and started doing Power 90 (which is great; I highly recommend it).

Well, folks, I just finished my first week of P90X, that extreme fitness program that I could only dream of doing a couple of years ago. I can't claim to have made it through Week 1 with flying colors, but I made it through. Chest, Back, & Abs; Plyometrics; Shoulders, Arms, & Abs; Yoga X; Legs, Back & Abs; and Kenpo X. Tomorrow is a day off, and on Tuesday, I start all over again.

Determination and motivation are high. First, I'm the kind of person who needs a sort of no-brainer workout. I need someone to tell me what to do and when and how to do it. This is perfect for that. All I have to do is keep putting in the DVD and pushing play, and follow along. When I travel, I will be able to do the work with my resistance bands and a yoga mat. There's a lot of variety, so you don't get bored. And it's plenty challenging, so you have a long way to go from the beginning.

But it's really exciting to me that I could improve my body so much in just a few months. I have no illusions that I am going to look all cut like the people in the video; I've got jiggly bits and extra skin and cellulite and those don't just go away. But I've already lost 6.6 pounds and I could be wrong, but I think my arms are already looking firmer. My belly feels tighter from all that ab work. And every single time I attempt something, I get the tiniest little bit better at it.

This is very encouraging! It's exciting! I'm happy to have my day off but I am also totally psyched to hit it again next week. And I encourage everyone who is out there battling for better fitness to find an activity or program that motivates them just as much. Set a goal. Goals are magnificent for motivating you to work. It might be something like walking  or running your first 5K, or going on an all-day hike with your friends; it might be doing your cardio DVD three times a week or improving your laps in the pool. It doesn't really matter what you choose as long as you choose something that interests you and will get you to engage in a Moving of the Butts. :)

PROCESS THAT MEAT! RAW! RAW! RAW!

A couple of days ago, my Facebook status reflected details of my latest P90X workout, and one of my friends responded, "You sound like you're processing meat in a factory!" LOVE IT! That is exactly what I'm doing --- processing meat! And a new favorite term for working out is born. Thanks, Mark Erck! ;)

The meat is quite sore today. It's feeling more than a little tenderized. My Day 4 DVD, YogaX, helped some but not enough! It's as challenging as the rest of the DVDs, and I have my first criticism of the system: there are some poses in the yoga DVD that should not be attempted unless you are an experienced yogi or have an instructor in the room to show you how to do it properly. Tony Horton is a great trainer but he is not, from what I can tell, a yoga instructor, and he doesn't show you how to get into the more challenging asanas as carefully as he should, or offer alternatives. Proceed with caution!

Today's workout was legs, back, and another round of Abs Ripper X which is no joke, my friends. I just struggle through, but today is the third time I've done it, and you know what? I did a tiny, little bit better today. And I feel great about that. I just can't say it enough --- there is nothing wrong with baby steps. There is nothing wrong with messing up or taking a day off as long as you get back to it at the very next opportunity.

Ultimately, none of us are superheroes, and we're not meant to be! That is what the media holds up to us, however, and it's no wonder we feel  bad about our failures. Think about what's on TV. Martha Stewart and the other lifestyle gurus, in their perfect homes with their perfectly manicured lawns and all the time in the world to handcraft their own paper and make their own ink for their hand-calligraphied invitations to a homemade gourmet sit-down dinner for fifteen ... folks, it takes STAFF and MONEY to make that kind of thing happen on a regular basis. Oprah, who I happen to admire, has all the money in the world at her disposal and a team of experts working for her. All those reality TV shows are faker than fake, filled with shallow people obsessed with their looks and spending ridiculous amounts of money on their hair, nails, clothes, and parties; and even sitcoms show families living in houses and wearing clothes which are much nicer than their incomes would ever support in real life. Magazines are full of extremely young creatures who are airbrushed into unreality. It's all meant to make us feel inferior because then we will spend money to try to attain this unrealistic lifestyle.

Well, we don't have to buy into it. Recognize the fantasy for what it is, and come to terms with your own reality. Maybe you can't work out six times a week or wean your family 100% off junk food, but you can figure out a routine that does work for you and stick to it.

One of the biggest problems with holding ourselves to unrealistic standards is the emotional baggage that comes with it. We beat ourselves up over our mistakes, and nowhere more viciously than on the scale. We demonize that thing.

Weighing is probably one of the scariest things about battling your weight. There they are, cold hard numbers, undeniable proof of your fidelity, your diligence, your success ... or lack thereof. Most of us treat scales like our judges, when really, we should see them as tools. We are not accountable to that hunk of metal on the bathroom floor! It serves us by helping us keep it real.

Annette made a great comment in response to Thursday's post. She suggested that weigh-ins, so often fraught with emotion for so many of us, should be looked upon as general maintenance, like getting your hair done or making sure you have enough gas in the car. This is a wonderful attitude to have about weighing in, whether you do it every day (as I prefer to), once a week, or once a month.

The fact is, whether you are striving to attain or maintain good health, fitness, and weight loss, you need to keep track in order to stay on track. You need that food plan. You need to measure your food and be aware of portion sizes. You need to track your exercise. You need to take measurements and photos regularly and yes, you need to weigh. But you also need to be kind to yourself about the entire process. It's hard. It's okay for it to be hard. Recognize that, give yourself credit for your hard work. Do what you can right this minute, today, and don't worry about what you didn't do. Allow yourself to build.

Now, quit worrying about it, get out there and process your meat. You'll be glad you did. ;)

DOIN' IT MY WAY

Daily weighing and charting has started up again. For months now, I have not done this --- I really needed a break from concentrating on weight loss, and you know, I still do. Moving forward my focus is on getting into amazing shape, and for now that includes more weight loss. Psychologically, it's a very different mindset for me, because weight loss is not the main focus; it's just another part of the puzzle. I am trying to learn to think like an athlete so I can be an athlete, and I want to be an athlete to attain and maintain an amazing fitness level.Whatever that turns out to mean.:)

It's quite motivating now to see the scale inch down every day, and to realize that on a day-to-day basis I require a lot less food than I think. That's why it pays to measure everything. It's just too easy to underestimate how much you're really eating --- or worse, to lie to yourself about it. That's one thing you must not do. Own it.

It's not to say I'm perfect with the nutrition plan --- today, for example, I planned my usual Thursday morning breakfast at the grocery store: migas and a pastry. More carbs, sugar, and fat than the plan allows, but I did use skim in my coffee instead of my usual half-and-half, and will be strictly on plan for the rest of the day. It's not worth it to me to never have a "meal off", as it were. To me, that doesn't mean eating whatever I want, as much as I want --- it means having a little treat, and really enjoying it. I used my carb, fat, protein, and dairy allowances for that breakfast, so it does fit into my daily plan --- it's just foods that aren't on the list. It's more important to me to do what I know works for me than to stick slavishly to someone else's plan, even if it means I won't get the very very very best results.  I'm okay with taking longer to get the results I want, if it means I can do it my way and stick to it in the long term. And my way means eating what I want without guilt, as long as I've planned it.

Today was Day Three of P90X. I sucked slightly less at Abs Ripper today than on day one, and I'm much better at lifting than the plyo/core stuff.I also very much have to modify some of the moves. I cannot do the plyo, period. My feet can't take the high impact right now. I modified for lower impact and still got a good cardio workout. Maybe at some point I'll be able to do it --- I hope so --- but not today. I'm still looking for a viable way to do pull-ups without having to attach something to my doorframe.

But the important thing is that I did it, and as long as I keep at it I will get better. Plus, now I get to go have my nice chocolate almond milk as a recovery drink. :) And I get to go through the rest of my day with a real sense of accomplishment, and the motivation to do it again tomorrow. :) Because I can't wait to see how I'll look and feel three months from now.

PUNISHMENT: WHY DIETS DON'T WORK

My mom and I were talking yesterday. She's a champion dieter. She was slender as a girl, but put on some weight after she had babies, and for all of my childhood and most of my adult life, she struggled with it. As long as I can remember, Mom was always on a diet. TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly). Several bouts with Weight Watchers, and a couple of other commercial programs whose names I've forgotten, and one at a doctor's office where she went weekly for acupuncture, behavior modification lectures, weigh-ins, and doses of L-tryptophan.

It was the latter we were discussing. Mom has, by the way, successfully reached maintenance status on Weight Watchers, and kept the weight off for several years now. She is in better shape and more active than ever before (I'm so proud of her)! She was telling me how she believed that many of the things she'd learned at the doctor's office were mainstays of her current success. Determination, and writing down every single thing you eat, she said, were the keys to success. "I remember Dr. Heinze telling someone who was upset that she hadn't lost weight that week that she shouldn't look on it as a failure, but an opportunity to do better next week."

I took issue with those things, and it got me thinking. "She shouldn't look on it as a failure because it isn't necessarily a failure," I said. "It's normal and natural that you don't lose weight every week, for a wide variety of reasons. And even if the reason is that you ate too many calories, so what? That's a normal part of the process, too. It doesn't mean you've failed, as long as you get back to eating on plan right away. The only possible way to fail is to give up entirely."

I think one of the reasons so many diets fail is because no one takes into account the psychological aspects. It's swept under the rug, and in doing so, reinforces the crippling shame and guilt that so many overweight people feel about their eating and their lack of ability to lose weight. If you can't do it, it must be because you lack discipline, you're lazy, you're greedy, you don't want it badly enough, you're a failure. It couldn't possibly be because the entire advertising world, society at large, and your own freaking brain chemistry are influencing you. Hamstrung by humiliation and shame, it's ridiculously hard to break the cycle of overeating. If you identify with this statement, please immediately get your hands on a copy of The Beck Diet Solution, cognitive therapy for overeaters. It's what set me on the path to righteousness. ;)

No one takes into account the punitive nature of dieting. At least, I always found it to be punitive. I really, really dislike the notion of keeping a food journal in which you must confess every morsel that passed your lips so you can chastise yourself about your slip-ups. To me, Dr. Beck's idea of writing a daily food plan is a much better idea. It empowers you to choose the foods and amounts you will eat, and it takes the pressure off of having to make a choice on the spot --- which is an opportunity to slide. Every time I look at my food plan, I feel empowered, because it was my decision to eat this way today, and I know that if I want a big bowl of ice cream tomorrow, I can plan for it and it will be part of my plan. It is not a screw-up. The food plan helps me stay focused on my goals and encourages me to make better choices on a daily basis. It takes out the guesswork.

Feeling like I am in control and eliminating the possibility of failure by not placing any foods off-limits have been absolutely key to changing my own eating habits. Seeing periods of less discipline (like the one I am just coming out of) as a natural, normal part of the process is another.

I absolutely refuse to beat myself up or call myself names over indulgences or periods of sloth. Life happens. Stuff interferes. You cannot possibly always be at the top of your game, and it is counterproductive to insist on it. Instead, be mindful of what is going on and why. Be honest about what and how much you're eating, and even if you're on vacation, traveling, or enjoying the holidays, just make the best choices you can even if they aren't perfect. Have the big bowl of ice cream and say no to half-and-half in your coffee for the rest of the week.

And make a plan for getting back to normal good habits. It can be tough to settle back in to a day-to-day healthy plan. You may have several abortive efforts. That's okay --- just keep trying until you get it right. Set a start date. Ease yourself into it. If you've been enjoying a lot of indulgences, don't cook for a week. Buy a rotisserie chicken or some cans of tuna and beans, a big bag of salad, some frozen veggies, some brown rice and whole wheat pasta, some low-sugar sorbet, and have a week of eating very simply. Measure everything and plan everything. Take a walk every day. Put on nice clothes and fix yourself up every day. At the end of the week, you'll be more relaxed, you'll feel clean, and you'll be able to get back on track much easier.

Show up every day and do what you can do that day. Define success for yourself. Start small, and build. That is how you will attain longterm success. :)

IN WHICH I SUCK AT P90X, AND DON'T CARE

So, I did the P90X fitness test yesterday, and passed all but two items fairly easily. One was the pull-up, which I had already known I couldn't do (and they admit that a lot of people can't, at first). Pull-ups are going to be a problem because I have no place to do them at my house. There is equipment you can buy to install temporarily in a door frame, but I don't trust it not to damage the frame. There are also alternative ways to do them, using resistance bands, but you have to have something tall and sturdy from which to suspend them. I work out in our bedroom, and there's just nothing that works, so I will have to find an alternate exercise for the pull-ups. Maybe I can run down to the park and use the monkey bars.

My other "fail" was in the jumping jacks; I was not able to do two full minutes of them without stopping. However, I am going to have to take it easy on the plyo anyway, because of my foot. I just can't do high impact.

So, I started today. With the nutrition plan, in one day I lost 3.2 pounds, but I also think I improperly calculated the number of calories I need --- too low. It is very important, when you're trying to lose weight and when starting an exercise program, to get enough calories. If you set the bar too low to begin with, not only will you be miserable, but your body will adjust and you'll have to cut more and more to keep losing. There's only so low you can go. And for a workout program, especially an intense one, you need to EAT to have energy! So, I used an online calorie calculator to get a better estimate, and sure enough, it was 200-300 calories higher than the original estimation. I'll adjust as needed as I go.

Then, I did the first two workouts --- chest and abs. Um, wow. It's as hard as everybody says. Some of the exercises I do quite easily and others are ridiculously hard for me. There are lots and lots of push-ups --- which I have to do on my knees because 1) I can only do a few on my toes and 2) that's not a good position for my toes to be in right now, given my injuries. There are lots and lots of pull-ups. I'll need to find a substitute exercise for that.

No doubt, this is an extremely challenging program and it's not for beginners. There's a lot I really love about it, and one of those things is this: the trainer, Tony Horton, is extremely positive and very focused on the right things. It's not a lot of macho BS --- it's about doing it right and doing it in such a way that you can keep going, without injury. The company slogan is "Keep pressing 'Play'", and they really emphasize that the most important thing is to just show up.

That strikes me as critical to any lifestyle change, any big goal. Just show up. You're not always going to do it well, especially at first. You might suck at the abs exercises (I sure do). You might slip up one day and have a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Guess what? That's normal. It's part of the process. It's OK, and it does not mean you're a failure ... just show up next time, and keep going.

Ditch the guilt. Ditch the negativity and the nasty little voices that tell you you're a loser because you got fat in the first place. Ditch the judgment. Ditch the rules. Just figure out what you're willing to do, and do it every day. And if you don't do it one day, make sure you do it the next.

That, my friends, is how you succeed. Not by being perfect, but by simply keeping going.

HEAVING MYSELF BACK ONLINE

At last the scheduling gods are smiling on me, and after a very hectic weekend with my opera troupe (who did a fantastic job under some very trying circumstances!), several students canceled today, and we don't have our usual rehearsal tonight. So not only did I get to enjoy a non-rushed morning at home, but I get to go home at a reasonable hour. And this means that I can start P90X today instead of tomorrow as planned.

I have already begun the nutrition program, which is very well done. They offer you three options: a portion plan, a menu plan, and a "quick" plan for people who don't really cook and do most of their eating at fast food places or on the fly. All three are quite useful, practical, and easy. I have chosen to start with the portion plan, because of its simplicity. It doesn't require any cooking, really, and right now I don't have the time and energy to do much cooking; plus, I really feel the best thing is to eat very simple foods. I did more of this when I first started, following Dr. Walter Willett's Eat, Drink, and Be Healthy plan; and it worked very well. Also, I believe this is really the best way to eat on a daily basis. Fancy meals, dinners out, desserts --- these should be occasional treats rather than the standard.

The P90X portion plan is similar to the Weight Watchers' points system, but it's even simpler because there are relatively few food choices. You're told how many portions of each food group to eat each day, and how much of each food is a portion.

There are also three different phases to the P90X plan; the first is called Fat Shredder (I like the sound of that!) and is a very high-protein, low-carb plan of about 1800 calories per day. Again, quite similar to what I was doing early on; but with a significant difference: extremely limited food choices. This makes the program a bit stringent for anyone who is starting out. It wouldn't have worked for me in the beginning because of the critical psychological component. I  needed to take ownership of my eating and that meant not limiting choices --- only when and how much and how often I would have any given item. Now, I am capable and even look forward to choosing foods from a very small range, because the simplicity appeals to me, and because I know it is temporary. I still do not look on it as a diet, although technically that is exactly what it is --- but that word is fraught with so much emotional subtext that I prefer to avoid it. The difference for me is that this nutritional system is an integral part of the training program I wish to undertake, and that weight loss is only part of the big picture. My goals are now focused on total fitness and health, and on making my body the very best it can be.

I have very mixed emotions about going from a nine month stretch of being on the road and making my living exclusively from singing to my former routine of teaching while pursuing my singing career. But one of the advantages of being back at school is that these surroundings are very much a part of the atmosphere that made it possible for me to hone in on losing weight. Many days I made myself get up from the piano or the keyboard and take a quick walk around campus when I had an extra five minutes; parked in the farthest parking space; took the stairs to the upstairs restroom instead of the ground floor one.  When a student canceled a lesson, I would often sit in the office and spend the time on my LiveJournal page --- where this blog was, for all intents and purposes, born --- talking to my friends about my efforts and enjoying their support and encouragement. It's good to be reminded of the determination and focus I had during that time. I need it now to help get out of this transitional funk and gear up for a very challenging workout program.

There is no time to begin change than right this second. Last night, I wrote out my food plan, and this morning as I put my lunch together, I made myself measure out exactly one cup of pasta, three ounces of protein, the right amount of sauce. It is both more and less than I thought it would be. It doesn't sound like very much, and it doesn't look like very much, but it was plenty. And already I am so much happier because I know I have not eaten more calories than I need today, and I know that I have eaten healthy food. I am looking forward to going to the park this evening and attempting the P90X fitness test, which I am almost sure I'll fail or at least have a very hard time with. It doesn't matter. Like everything else, I will go at my own pace. The important thing is just to go.