A few days ago, for the first time since last June, I ran. After my long walk with my friend the other night, during which we did a little bit of jogging, I found my feet were itching to move faster. The scorching heat has broken at long last and we are experiencing a beautiful Texas fall: achingly blue, clear skies, breezes, balmy to chilly temperatures. (Chilly, for those of you who don't speak Texan, simply means "It ain't hot"). And I am ready for a change from P90X, ready to get outside in the fall sunshine and breathe fresh air. So I ran.
I ran for about 40 minutes, with power walking intervals, using the free Gateway to 10K podcast. The electronic dance music is crapalicious but it provides a good, steady beat, and that's all I need to keep going. My left hip and heel complained voraciously for the first half and then just gave up and went along for the ride. And it was hard, but not as hard as I expected it to be. My motto, just as it was when I first started running, is simply, "Do it 'til you can't do it no more."
Today I ran again, out into the beautiful blue cool day. I ran the opposite direction on the trail today, and for some reason it was harder, but oh well. I saw a roadrunner --- always forget how big they are --- and three deer right on the trail, who were not impressed enough with me to even move out of the way. Further along, there were more deer out enjoying the day. We've had a little rain recently so the creeks and ponds actually have some water in them, a soothing sight after a summer of the worst drought since the 1920's. The beautiful, fragrant little white rain lilies that only appear after a storm lined the trail.
Both days, after finishing my run, I finished walking the trail, about an extra twenty minutes.
I'm still fighting, and not always feeling very good about my level of success. I'm mad that I have to do this all over again --- not from square one, thank goodness, but I've definitely reached the NOT HAPPY stage. Overcoming inertia is really the hardest part, and it makes me mad that, armed with as much experience and knowledge as I have amassed, it's still so hard to get back on track. But there is only one way to do it, and that is to chip away.
Last night, we took my mom out for dinner, and I was happy with my choices. I limited myself on the carbs that came with the appetizers, really resisting ... and for my dinner entree, I asked to have the pasta replaced with grilled veggies. DELICIOUS. I saved half of it and had it for lunch today.
What am I not happy about? I still managed to eat too much. When I got up, I was definitely past fullness, and I've done this several times lately. Not paying enough attention. But I am not going to beat myself up --- instead, I am taking note, and in the future, I will ask for a box right away and just divide the food first thing.
No pun intended, but there is a lot on my plate right now, so I am trying to keep it simple. My goal is to run three times a week and do P90X or the elliptical the other days. For food, it's simply to watch portion sizes and eat low carb. And keep thinking about it. There's a way to survive this struggle and even get back to a reasonable lower weight that I can be happy with and maintain, and I am determined to find it. I know that I am simply not destined to be really slender, but I can be thinner than I am now, and a lot fitter. I would like to get back to being athletic, and to constantly feeling that I am improving my fitness. I still want to run a marathon one day.
And the only way I will get there is to get up, get out of the house, and move. One step at a time. One bite at a time. One day at a time.
Thanks, Mike. That's a good reminder, the fact that this is a chronic condition. And yes, it *is* tiresome. First World problems, huh? ;)
Posted by: Cindy | October 20, 2011 at 05:04 PM
sorry. that should have been PURPOSE.
Posted by: Mike Hawley | October 20, 2011 at 08:06 AM
Obesity is a chronic disease. This is the tiresome part of it. And some of us are luckier than others in that we have to face our demon at least three times a day. And exercise, which for me is like gum surgery. But I do it anyway, and with one eye squenched, I can (on a good day), make it work. You really are an inspiration. Progress is two steps forward and one step back. We are fighting to overcome a lifetime of habits that served some pupose at the time. Keep going.
Mike
Posted by: Mike Hawley | October 20, 2011 at 08:05 AM