First run in Kentucky yesterday, along the Ohio River. It was a beautiful, cool fall afternoon, a nice flat trail ... and it was still a hard run. And so I'm going to repeat Week One of Gateway to 10K, just to help get back into the swing of things.
Meanwhile, there was a last minute change of plans and instead of being in the hotel with a gym, I am in a lovely private guest house full of antiques. There really isn't a place to do my P90X. I'll have to take my laptop outside and do it on the lawn. I can also use the gym at the hotel; it's a short drive ut I either have to park 20 minutes away or pay for a meter. But I did it today --- a hard hour on the elliptical --- and it was fine.The gym is at the top of the hotel, with gorgeous views of the Ohio River and all the fall color.
And now, I am sitting at the table in my guest house, enjoying my dinner. Acorn squash stuffed with Honeycrisp apples, onions, sausage-style seitan, and fresh sage --- drizzled with honey and baked. Highly recommended. Sautee the stuffing first, and cook the squash in a shallow pan lined with water. Mmmm.
Every day, every time I am faced with putting food in my mouth, I have to make a decision to stop and think about it. I have to think about whether it's on my food plan (I've started writing one again, started over for the umpteenth time. However many times it takes). I have to monitor the amount. I have to decide to stick to my plan, especially if I'm tempted to deviate.
It's tiresome, and this time around, it's burdened with extra emotions --- guilt, shame, fear, more than I ever experienced before I lost the weight in the first place. I feel like I'm fighting to re-take a hill I once conquered. The tools aren't as sharp as they were last time. But they work, if only I will apply them. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
All I know is that I am not going back. Daily exercise, restricting carbs and fat, eating mostly veggies , cooking simply on most days --- this is what works for me. There can still be indulgences, but not every day, at least not big ones. I know what to do. The mental hurdles are the biggest issue, and those just have to be chipped away, a little at a time.
And in the meantime ... on a fun and frivolous note ... no rehearsal today, so after working out I headed for the Zappo's.com outlet, where there were RIDICULOUS discounts on shoes.