STANDING ON A FENCE POST

I have been trying to finish this post for over a week now. This is what I have been doing instead of writing:

This is me, backstage at rehearsal for Kentucky Opera's Marriage of Figaro, which opens Friday. Tonight is our final dress rehearsal. Here's a color pic from my dressing room, to show the elaborate makeup:

 

I sort of look like Miss Kitty! With Tammy Faye eyes. ;)

Now back to our regularly scheduled post!

Where's the line between healthy self-care and unhealthy obsession? If you're unhappy with the way you look or the number you see on the scale, is that always a bad thing? When is it time to leave well enough alone?

Recently, Jan replied to my last post with this comment:

"Wonder wonder wonder, why are we so determinedly perfectionistic about our appearance? Why hold on so tightly so rigidly to such a narrow impossibility of form?

You really have achieved so very very much, an incredible life with success in so many areas, I hope you (and all of us) can celebrate ourselves more often and focus on minor faults less often."

First, Jan, thanks for your kind words. And also, for your wise reminder. What a great way to phrase it --- "celebrate ourselves". I agree with you about the fruitless pursuit of perfection, rigid views about what we should look like, and focusing on minor faults while failing to celebrate our victories.

But this is part of the ongoing struggle. There's a difference between a realistic  desire to be as healthy and fit as you can, and an unrealistic desire for a woman over 40 who has never been thin and isn't planning on hundreds of thousands of dollars' worth of surgery to look like a hardbodied teenager. There's a difference between wanting to be a size 12/14 and a size 0.

It's always been very important to me to be realistic about my goals --- I believe  that in order to hav real success in long term major weight loss, it's  critical to be realistic about your goals and what your body can achieve. So when I embarked on this journey, I did not set a goal weight. I promised myself that I would pay attention to my body and see where it started to "max out" on weight loss, the point at which it became so painful and difficult to lose that the struggle wasn't worth it. Where would my body be happy?

And when I got there, neither the number on the scale nor on the clothing tags were quite as low as I would have liked them to be. I really wanted to lose about another thirty pounds. But people kept saying to me, "No! Don't lose any more, you look great now!"  And as it turned out, without drastic measures (which are impossible to maintain) I couldn't have lost any more, and I was pretty happy overall at that weight.

So fast forward a couple of years, and although I've continued to work out and am generally in much better shape than I was before, a goodly amount of poundage has crept back on, and I'm not pleased with that. Does this mean my past achievements suddenly don't count, or that I want to be perfect (whatever that means)? Not at all. I just want to stay healthy and feel comfortable in my body.

See, this is the tricky thing about maintenance. It's not like you land on a magic number and poof, home base, you're done. It's more like standing on a fence post and trying very hard not to fall off! As with all things in life, it's about balance. I am not sorry that I spent two years of my life literally working my ass off. It required a laser beam focus and a lot of extra time --- time and a focus I can no longer maintain with that intensity. This to me does not represent a failure, but an entry into a different phase of life. I struggled for years to find a way to lose weight and keep it off, to find a way of eating that worked for me, to get to the point where exercise could be a regular part of my life without being completely onerous --- and I found it. But it shouldn't surprise me now that I have to work just as hard to find out whatever it takes to keep me on track for the long term. Mainly, I suspect, it's nothing glamourous --- just lots of little decisions every day.

So, I appreciate posts like Jan's very much ---- a great reminder to be  grateful for  and mindful of past achievements, and to keep focused on the good. Still, in my mind, I'm not ready to come off the fence post. As hard as it is sometimes, finding the balance is worth it. And so is the view.

Comments

[Dalila Valentine]

This is a great post and a great topic! First, I think with all the focus you've given to fitness, you are at a different place with your body and your health, whatever you weigh. You are also extremely knowledgeable about nutrition, which gives you a huge advantage over many people struggling with food and weight issues. And I believe both fitness and nutritional savvy are a part of you forever.

And you look great!

I certainly would give my eye teeth to be able to wear some of the costumes I've seen you photographed in and you look great in them!

Maybe 6-7 times a year I sing a solo or something similar in church and get to wear a long black dress or skirt but boy! do I need to be careful about the neckline. G-rated or nothing!