When you start something new, it's really tempting, really easy to make grandiose plans. (New Year's Resolutions, anyone)? You're going to cut out all processed and fast food overnight! Henceforth you will never drink a real Coke or have a Big Mac again (even though you currently average three or four a week). You're going to get up at 4 a.m. every day and run 10K! You're going to stop going out for beers with your co-workers every night ... well, you'll go, but you're only going to drink diet soda!
And most of us know how well THAT turns out. We manage our stringent new curriculum for a short time, and then it gets to be a drag. There's a special occasion, or a night out when you're tired, or a morning when it's rainy and you have a big presentation, so it becomes easy to let your resolutions slide, just this once. Somehow, just this once turns into rationalizations and more slips and before you know it, you've completely abandoned your shiny new regime. You feel worse than before, because now you feel guilty, and are probably indulging in all kinds of negative self-talk about your lack of willpower.
Why set yourself up for this kind of failure? Have we learned nothing from the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare? Slow and steady wins the race. Have we learned nothing from the Winter Warlock in Santa Claus is Coming to Town? Put one foot in front of the other ... Perserverence, not perfection, is the goal.
This article from Paleo nutritionist Diana Rogers illustrates the point beautifully; and although she's specifically talking about making the changes to a Paleo lifestyle it really applies to any lifestyle and diet changes you want to make. It's much more effective to make them in increments, and to be true to the philosophy you are ostensibly embracing, rather than simply trying to replace your old, bad habits with "healthier" versions. This isn't reality TV! Nobody expects you to be an instant expert, or instantly successful! You can take your time, make mistakes, start over as often as it takes.
I would add to Rogers' words of wisdom ---perhaps unpopularly, but I am absolutely convicted of this idea --- that it is also important to take the time to discover, step by step what you can and will do on a longterm basis, even if it means you're only embracing your new philosophy 75 or 80%. That may change over time. You may find yourself willing and able to do more. It may be what you crave.
I feel I am finally emerging, after a period of some months, from my slide back down the mountain path that is my lifelong journey to best health and fitness. I finally feel capable again of a firm and steady commitment to working out (a lot!) and to challenging myself more physically. And as I've gotten stronger again in that capacity, I also have come to feel that I can begin to pay stricter attention to diet. But I am easing back in to both. Exercise came first; it's less of a mental hurdle.
Back in 2007, when I first decided to make major changes to my lifestyle, I knew this effort had to be different than any that had come before, and that it was crucial to do it MY way. After all, I'd had all the expert advice in the world. It wasn't that I didn't know how to eat properly or work out. Something else was lacking. There is no program in the world that you can stick to slavishly exactly come scritto, as we say in opera --- as written; at least not forever. It's important that you individualize it and make it work for you, and don't apologize for doing so.
Do, however, be honest with yourself. Let's face it, you are not going to lose 100 pounds if you say to yourself, "I can live with exercising for thirty minutes three times a week, and having a salad for lunch every day along with my can of Coke and bag of Cheetos." Certainly, you will see some improvement, but you're probably not going to become a cover model for Fitness Magazine. Be honest about what you are doing for exercise, how much effort you are actually putting in, and how much good it's doing you. A thirty minute walk per day is not going to "pay" for half a pint of ice cream and fried chicken for dinner. Be honest about what you are eating, and how much. The simple act of teaching yourself to weigh and measure food, to understand portion sizes and nutrition, and to make sure you ARE aware of how much and what quality of food you're putting into your body, will help you make better choices. Maybe not every time, but more of the time, if you are serious about improving your health.
But take your time. That's okay. When you feel good, when you feel secure in your new habits, when you maybe start to feel that you need something more, harder, different, that's the time to kick it up a notch.
And that's the place, at long last, that I find myself coming back to on my own fitness journey. Yeah, I've been here before. I may well end up here again. Not going to worry about it. Today, in TRX class, I did those damn planks. I held them the whole time. The lady next to me, who does Crossfit, was having just as hard a time as I was, and she weighs less and is in better condition. Today, after a hard hour of kickboxing, I joined my TRX classmates in 50 jumping jacks at the start of class. I was TIRED. I was drenched in sweat from the first class, and we had an hour to go. I got to #30 and thought I was going to have to stop, but I remembered a poster I'd seen the night before. It read:
I DON'T STOP WHEN I'M TIRED. I STOP WHEN I'M DONE.
Today, finally, I was in the right mental place to push a little. I kept repeating that to myself throughout class. And I did all 50 jumping jacks. And then I went and did those hateful, hateful planks. Three weeks ago, it wouldn't have happened. But I showed up, I did the work, and even when I hated it, I started to like it.
I need a nap now, but I figure today, I earned it.
Thank you for saying what you did in the comments to Rebekah: You aren't fat. You have fat. It does not define who you are as a human being, although I know it feels that way sometimes." It's the single best statement I have heard in my personal health journey that has shifted my mindset. Thank you.
Rebekah - hang in there. You aren't alone. There are many of us taking the same steps you are. We walk together.
Posted by: Elisabeth | May 12, 2012 at 10:20 AM
Love it, Greg ... you know what *I* call her ...
http://100lbs.typepad.com/the_next_hundred_pounds/2012/01/introducing-the-shambassador.html
Posted by: Cindy | May 10, 2012 at 07:09 PM
Hi Cindy,
I enjoyed this parody of Paula Deen. I thought you might too.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/paula-deen-sponsors-05k-walk-for-diabetes-research,28103/
This is not a comment per se. just made me laugh!
Greg (Tokyocowboy)
Posted by: TokyoCowboy | May 08, 2012 at 06:54 AM
Cindy and Rebecca, thank you so much for your words of encouragement! I wish the rest of the world could be this positive and caring.
Cindy, your blog is such a motivation to me. I recently started a yoga class with my 'Cindy' mentality -- Just show up and do your best! I wouldn't have done that in the past, so a million thanks to you for sharing your journey.
Posted by: Rebekah | May 07, 2012 at 01:55 PM
HI Cindy, yes I am a chorister, and I'm not sure I am in love with the new production of the Ring, but man, o man...being on stage while the men sing that amazing music...WOW!!!! Its a blast. And now the season is almost over, and I will rest and concentrate on me.
Rebekah, Cindy said everything I would want to say, too. Sending you love and light. And do yourself a favor...weigh out .8 pounds of chicken fat sometime. Its not nothin'.
Posted by: RebeccaNYC | May 05, 2012 at 05:53 PM
Rebecca, do I remember correctly that you're in the chorus at the Met? I am jealous that you get to be involved in the Ring Cycle! What an experience that must be!
It is AWESOME that your costume is loose! I noticed the other night with my Romeo & Juliette costumes, which were built for me, that the waist of the dress is now hanging away from my body, and that's just from a few weeks. YAAAY for needing smaller costumes!
Posted by: Cindy | May 04, 2012 at 10:10 AM
Dear, dear Rebekah,
It makes me so sad to read your comment. You are not a blight on humankind! You are not a burden on society! You are not fat. You HAVE fat. It does not define who you are as a human being, although I know it feels that way sometimes.
From your writing, it's clear that you are an intelligent, well-educated, empathetic person. I bet you have many other wonderful qualities as well. I bet you have skills and talents, you have worked hard to develop and are good at, that most other people can't do.
And you have willpower. You have discipline. It takes a LOT of both to make lifestyle changes. Whether or not you succeed at them is not the point -- the fact that you keep trying shows that you are hard-working and determined. ALL wonderful qualities. How could a person like that be a blight or a burden?
You may have been the victim of a lot of fat hate, or even just well-meaning but ignorant people who think that somehow it's escaped your notice that you're fat. Haters are the blight on society. They are insecure, unhappy people who are actively out there attempting to spread their unhappiness to others. Don't buy what they're selling. They don't know a thing about you or your habits. Half of them are cheating on their spouses, stuffing their faces with junk food, getting wasted on the weekend, cheating on their income tax, or indulging in any number of other unhealthy and possibly immoral habits that are injurious to themselves and others. The public just can't identify their shortcomings as easily as they can someone whose perceived shortcoming is physical. They are not worth worrying about.
As for your progress with Weight Watchers, that's wonderful! Listen, you don't WANT to lose the weight too quickly. When it comes off fast, it goes back on fast, too. And also, you don't want to cut your calories (or points) back too severely --- you want to do it as slowly and as little as you need to keep losing, because at some point, the body says "enough is enough" and will stop losing, no matter how few calories you're putting in. You need that amount to be healthy and reasonable and maintainable for you.
Just keep up the good work, and if you fall, don't let it get you down or keep you down. You can ALWAYS start over at the very next meal! And find ways other than the scale to measure your progress. Weight is hardly the only measure of success. Body measurements, how you look and feel and fit into your clothing, what you can do easily that was hard before --- these are MUCH better indications of your health and success than mere weight. Shoot for health and fitness first, and weight loss will be a benefit of that. Good luck!
Cindy
Posted by: Cindy | May 04, 2012 at 10:08 AM
I have been telling myself to be kind along this long, long path to better health. Losing .8 pounds a week feels like a failure sometimes because it's not the BIG number I expect to see. I've been fooled by tv weight loss shows -- "9 pounds a week! This is doable! Just try harder!"
Weight Watchers is working well for me at the moment. I like that they didn't expect me to cut my food intake all the way down to a 'normal' range immediately. That would have been disastrous for me. Slowly stepping down the points is working. Making little, but noticeable changes and omissions makes me more cognizant of how my behavior is tied to the downward slide of the scale. And I'm becoming more and more comfortable with making healthy choices, and that feels empowering.
Honestly, when I get frustrated with my sloooow progress, I realize that I'm more worried about other people's view of my progress than my own well being. I feel like such a burden on society sometimes that I just want to get the weight off quickly so as not to be a blight on humankind anymore.
Posted by: Rebekah | May 04, 2012 at 08:16 AM
My doctor always tells me that 90% compliance is GREAT. So thats what I aim for, and when I slide, I just get back on track the next day. I have not seen a huge change on the scale, but I can take my jeans off without unzipping the zipper, and tonight I noticed that my fitted costume for Gotterdammerung which is supposed to be ankle length is now hitting the floor. Which reminds me that the scale does not tell the whole story. Onward!
Posted by: RebeccaNYC | May 03, 2012 at 10:40 PM