The Next Hundred Pounds

THE CRUNCHES OF DEATH

Bikram is not my favorite style of yoga, and it's controversial. A lot of people are deadset against it, believing that the heated room can put practioners in danger of overdoing and injury; and then it has its staunch adherents who say it's helped them heal injuries.  I've done a heated yoga class (not Bikram) in which I did indeed overdo and, with the help of a long hike and a bad backpack, took my back out of commission for a couple of weeks; I've done a traditonal Bikram class which I had a hard time getting through because the room was SO hot and steamy. I don't mind the heat, but I do get bored with the same 26 postures. Nevertheless, there was a local Groupon for a series of Bikram classes very close to my home, and I thought it would be a nice complement to my training sessions with the fearsome Harrison, so I signed up.

I went yesterday, still quite sore from Friday's training session, and it did feel great. There are a lot of things I just can't do or can't do well, but I have become very good at making my own modifications. Bikram is not a practice that offers modifications and the one thing I found annoying was the instructor insisting on getting the forehead to the knee, even if it meant you have to bend the knee. It's not a flexibility issue for me, it'a a belly and boob issue, and bending the knee ain't going to help. About the fifth time he hollered at me to bend my knee so the forehead touched, I almost hollered back that nothing short of a masectomy was going to get my forehead to my knee. But I didn't. I just did my own thing.

That was the other thing I wasn't crazy about. Hollering has no place in yoga. I don't want a lively, noisy yoga class. I want a meditative, relaxing class (even if the asanas are challenging).  But it will be fine for now. I certainly felt less achey when I left.

This morning, I had another session with Harrison. I wish I could afford to continue with him, because it's a GREAT workout. We started with three laps around my cul-de-sac, followed by a series of lunges and squats with weights. Then, lots of core work, some fun kickboxing moves, a lot of shoulder and back work with the resistance bands, more laps, lunges, squats, punches, and rows ... and two really killer core moves. I don't know what they're called but they will leave you in a pile of quivering goo. I refer to them as the Crunches of Death. You lie on your back, feet and arms in the air, with your thumbs locked and legs together. You raise your head and shoulders off the mat and do big forward circles with your legs, as many as you can manage in two minutes. DEATH. The other one, you  have your hands tucked under your butt or lower back, legs together with knees to the chest. Extend the legs straight out and open and close once, then back to chest. Next time, open and close twice, then back. And so on, up to ten times. OWWWWW.

By the end of the workout, once Harrison had departed, I lay on the landing of my stairs drenched in sweat, while my husband laughed at me (sympathetically, but he still laughed) because I could not get up the stairs. Now THAT'S a workout.

Tomorrow, another round of Bikram. The whole point is to keep myself moving during this brief hiatus at home --- otherwise, I might be tempted to just slug around! 

JELLO LEGS

Just call me Jello Legs. That's what I feel like after just 30 minutes under the care and supervision of Harrison of Hiit2.com Although I'm only home for 2 weeks, I needed something special to keep me on track, so I took advantage of a Living Social deal to get three 30-minute sessions --- and they were a REAL bargain.

Harrison comes to your house and he is ALL business. Plus, he is a big dude. His shoulders and upper arms are bigger than most guys' thighs. I almost started laughing at one point, because he was having me do knee kicks to pads he was holding, and I was supposed to be holding his shoulders and pulling him down. It was like pulling a boulder. I have never felt so weak and puny in my whole life.

But it was a great workout. Not every trainer is good for every person --- it's the same with any teacher/student relationship --- but I like Harrison's style. He is there to work, but he's encouraging and he tells you exactly what he expects. One of the first things he said was that it was up to me to say when I wanted a break --- otherwise, he was just going to keep working. And we did. We kept moving. Jumping jacks with 5 pound weights in each hand. Lots of core exercises. Squats with weights. Presses and bicep curls and flies. Running up and down the stairs. And the killer, the absolute killer ... walking pushups. Those made me unhappy. There is something about plank position --- except if it's while doing yoga ---  that triggers self-doubt and gets me upset, every time.  But I just pushed through.

Walking push-ups notwithstanding, I loved the workout, and in 30 minutes I was dripping wet, out of breath, and incapable of climbing the stairs immediately thereafter. I like that the whole thing lasted 30 minutes and was a complete body workout.

Sticking with the coupon theme, I also bought a series of Bikram yoga classes, which should be a nice complement to the sore muscles inflicted by Harrison and his intensive workouts.

And speaking of yoga, for those who think it's not "real" exercise, or that it's some kind of woo-woo navel-gazing hippie business ... well, check this out.

 

All excuses have just become invalid, what?

OF TRAVEL, TOURISM, AND TROLLS

It's been a really crazy week! On Saturday, I took my last TRX class and sadly said a last goodbye to all the wonderful women at Ironflower Fitness. The staff gifted me with a goodie bag with a towel, water bottle, and itsy-bitsy tank top (which I actually can get on, but would not wear outside the house, at least not yet).  I will miss them,  and I'll really miss that kickboxing class and the TRX class! I hope I can find something equally cool at my next gig, Princeton.

I am already missing the daily workouts. Between the show and a crazy travel schedule, the only workout I did this week was a whole lot of yardwork --- mowing, pruning, planting, hauling limbs and sacks of debris. You see, I had a few days off between shows, and couldn't resist the opportunity to go home, especially since I'll only be there for about two weeks before the next gig. So I flew in, got a few Dachshund saliva facials, did some errands and yardwork, picked my husband up at the airport, and yesterday morning we got on a plane back to Miami for my last two shows. On Sunday, we start the drive home.

I've decided to make the most of the drive by doing short, intense sets of cardio or strength at each pit stop. So if you see a crazy woman doing burpees and air squats at a rest stop in Mississippi, or taking a couple of laps around one in Louisiana, that might be me. Honk as you drive by. Better yet, stop and join me!

There may not have been much exercise this week, but I've done very well with sticking to my program of no grains and very restricted sugar. It's not an issue when eating at home; the only difficulty I have in staying on program is when eating out in restaurants where you're presented with so many carbalicious choices. There, I just do the best I can to choose veggies, protein, and fruit, and skip bread, rice, potatoes, and all the little extras like croutons. I'm not saying a few French fries haven't found their way into the ol'piehole or that I don't have a meal "off" or two per week, but I'm focusing on filling up the plate with veggies and protein, and letting the grains and desserts be more in the way of "tastes" than full portions. It's working. It's completely satisfying.

Today, some friends and I were big ol' tourists and took an airboat ride in the Everglades. It was magnificent! We saw lots of birds and gators, and it was just really cool to be flying over what looked like a regular field ... except that it was a shallow river full of sawgrass.

We even held a baby alligator named Snappy.

I am almost done with my Florida experience (for now! I sure hope I'll get to come back!) and am happy to be heading back to spend a couple of weeks at home. I have enjoyed both opera houses, both casts, and both shows I've gotten to sing here; and of course, who wouldn't love Florida's beautiful outdoors! All the hiking, biking, and exploring have been amazing. Sarasota and Miami are completely different cities, but there is much to love about both of them. Yes, it's been a good experience here.

But it hasn't been perfect --- what is --- and there was a little incident last night which was really upsetting. It shouldn't be. It's no news that for some people, the Internet is a license to behave like a mannerless moron and to let any idiocy that springs to mind dribble from their fingertips onto the screen; things most of them would never have the moxie to say to your face. And in this case, it's compounded by that strange idea people have that anyone who is in the public eye --- no matter how remotely --- is somehow not a real human being, and is open to any kind of comment or criticism. This sort of thing does not happen to me very often. I'm not a celebrity of any kind in the opera world (I like to think of myself as an in-the-trenches sort of singer, slogging away and having a nice career, but unlikely to ever be famous). Still, it happens that sooner or later, anyone who is in the public eye even a little bit is going to be on the receiving end of uninformed, unsolicited, or simply uncomplimentary commentary from the general public. The internet makes this very easy. In this case, these casually nasty comments were hurtful because they were directed at my appearance. Hit a sensitive spot. Talking about it actually helps me get over it and move on. There is not really anything to be done anyway (it never helps to respond to such people and be dragged down into their dirt) except to recognize it for what it is and turn it around however you can. In my case, I'm getting it off my chest and moving on. And thinking about buying a punching bag, so I can continue those satisfying kickboxing workouts at home ...

I STOP WHEN I'M DONE

When you start something new, it's really tempting, really easy to make grandiose plans. (New Year's Resolutions, anyone)? You're going to cut out all processed and fast food overnight! Henceforth you will never drink a real Coke or have a Big Mac again (even though you currently average three or four a week). You're going to get up at 4 a.m. every day and run 10K! You're going to stop going out for beers with your co-workers every night ... well, you'll go, but you're only going to drink diet soda!

And most of us know how well THAT turns out. We manage our stringent new curriculum for a short time, and then it gets to be a drag. There's a special occasion, or a night out when you're tired, or a morning when it's rainy and you have a big presentation, so it becomes easy to let your resolutions slide, just this once.  Somehow, just this once turns into rationalizations and more slips and before you know it, you've completely abandoned your shiny new regime. You feel worse than before, because now you feel guilty, and are probably indulging in all kinds of negative self-talk about your lack of willpower.

Why set yourself up for this kind of failure? Have we learned nothing from the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare? Slow and steady wins the race. Have we learned nothing from the Winter Warlock in Santa Claus is Coming to Town? Put one foot in front of the other ... Perserverence, not perfection, is the goal.

This article from Paleo nutritionist Diana Rogers illustrates the point beautifully; and although she's specifically talking about making the changes to a Paleo lifestyle it really applies to any lifestyle and diet changes you want to make. It's much more effective to make them in increments, and to be true to the philosophy you are ostensibly embracing, rather than simply trying to replace your old, bad habits with "healthier" versions. This isn't reality TV! Nobody expects you to be an instant expert, or instantly successful! You can take your time, make mistakes, start over as often as it takes.

I would add to Rogers' words of wisdom ---perhaps unpopularly, but I am absolutely convicted of this idea --- that it is also important to take the time to discover, step by step what you can and will do on a longterm basis, even if it means you're only embracing your new philosophy 75 or 80%. That may change over time. You may find yourself willing and able to do more. It may be what you crave.

I feel I am finally emerging, after a period of some months, from my slide back down the mountain path that is my lifelong journey to best health and fitness. I finally feel capable again of a firm and steady commitment to working out (a lot!) and to challenging myself more physically. And as I've gotten stronger again in that capacity, I also have come to feel that I can begin to pay stricter attention to diet. But I am easing back in to both. Exercise came first; it's less of a mental hurdle.

Back in 2007, when I first decided to make major changes to my lifestyle, I knew this effort had to be different than any that had come before, and that it was crucial to do it MY way. After all, I'd had all the expert advice in the world. It wasn't that I didn't know how to eat properly or work out. Something else was lacking. There is no program in the world that you can stick to slavishly exactly come scritto, as we say in opera --- as written; at least not forever. It's important that you individualize it and make it work for you, and don't apologize for doing so.

Do, however, be honest with yourself. Let's face it, you are not going to lose 100 pounds if you say to yourself, "I can live with exercising for thirty minutes three times a week, and having a salad for lunch every day along with my can of Coke and bag of Cheetos." Certainly, you will see some improvement, but you're probably not going to become a cover model for Fitness Magazine. Be honest about what you are doing for exercise, how much effort you are actually putting in,  and how much good it's doing you. A thirty minute walk per day is not going to "pay" for half a pint of ice cream and fried chicken for dinner. Be honest about what you are eating, and how much. The simple act of teaching yourself to weigh and measure food, to understand portion sizes and nutrition, and to make sure you ARE aware of how much and what quality of food you're putting into your body, will help you make better choices. Maybe not every time, but more of the time, if you are serious about improving your health.

But take your time. That's okay. When you feel good, when you feel secure in your new habits, when you maybe start to feel that you need something more, harder, different, that's the time to kick it up a notch.

And that's the place, at long last, that I find myself coming back to on my own fitness journey. Yeah, I've been here before. I may well end up here again. Not going to worry about it. Today, in TRX class, I did those damn planks. I held them the whole time. The lady next to me, who does Crossfit, was having just as hard a time as I was, and she weighs less and is in better condition. Today, after a hard hour of kickboxing, I joined my TRX classmates in 50 jumping jacks at the start of class. I was TIRED. I was drenched in sweat from the first class, and we had an hour to go. I got to #30 and thought I was going to have to stop, but I remembered a poster I'd seen the night before.  It read:

I DON'T STOP WHEN I'M TIRED. I STOP WHEN I'M DONE.

Today, finally, I was in the right mental place to push a little. I kept repeating that to myself throughout class. And I did all 50 jumping jacks. And then I went and did those hateful, hateful planks. Three weeks ago, it wouldn't have happened. But I showed up, I did the work, and even when I hated it, I started to like it.

I need a nap now, but I figure today, I earned it.

STRIPPER STRETCHING: FIVE HOT GIRLS AND ME

Viveca Jenson's Piloxing class (mixture of Pilates and boxing)

Ever noticed how, in photos of people engaged in fitness activities, there are never any fat people? I'm not talking about candid shots, but any sort of marketing or publicity photo. I get regular newsletters from LiveStrong, C25K, various magazines, and all sorts of other fitness organizations, all with lots of colorful pics of people engaged in all sorts of healthful activities, and there is never even one person who is even slightly overweight, unless it's in some sort of rude way, meant to show a lazy slob or a before/after pic. Or if it's a Richard Simmons product, 'cause Richard is not afraid of having the big people in his videos. Yaay, Richard. In fact, most of the people in the pics, especially the women, are oddly matchy-matchy in size and body type. And they usually have a lot of makeup on, and their hair looks bizarrely good for people who are supposedly engaged in sweat-inducing activities. I don't know about you, but when I'm working out, the last thing I want is makeup dripping in my eyes. My hair is in a ponytail and tucked under a bandana, which is not at all attractive but keeps hair and sweat out of my face.

I get why marketers want to do this. They want to present the most attractive people possible in order to 1) make you think this is a hot place/product filled with shiny beautiful people; 2) make you feel bad if you don't look like that, so you'll buy whatever they're selling in order to get yourself looking like that; 3) make you think that you are going to be one of that good-looking, well-groomed club if you buy what they're selling. I mean, if you're really using a gym the way it's supposed to be used, you are going to be disgusting, stinky, and dishevelled, at least til you hit the locker room. But reality don't sell memberships. So, shiny people.

Ironically, feeling out of place, or worrying about what they might look like, or how they'll keep up, actually keeps a lot of people from joining a gym or doing a physical activity. It's a fallacy, by the way. Sure, there are jerks out there, but this isn't your high school gym class anymore. Most athletes are really happy to have anybody join their club, and they admire effort as well as results. They will cheer you on.

Nevertheless, I often experience fish-out-of-water moments at the gym. Last night's new stretching class was a perfect example --- everybody else in there was slender, graceful, lookin' hot in their cute exercise togs, and all seemed to have dance training to match their dancer bodies. I don't begrudge them any of this, BTW. But then there was me, wearing a stained Livestrong T shirt, bike shorts, and a bandana. I did not feel sexy. I felt like a beached elephant seal as we rolled around on the floor. I immediately nicknamed it Stripper Stretching. It didn't help that we did it in the dark, accompanied by sexy music,  in the pole dancing studio. There was a lot of writhing around. If there had been men there, those ladies would have walked out with a lot of cash tucked in their spandex. And they would have deserved it, because they are marvelously athletic with beautiful, toned bodies, and boy are they bendy.

If I tried to protect my ego by never doing anything where people might look at me crossways (not that anybody did; no one at this gym has been anything but friendly and supportive), I'd never do anything at all. I made a decision a long, long time ago, way before I seriously set out to transform my body and fitness level, that I was not going to let being fat stand in my way of doing anything I really wanted to do --- assuming it was safe, affordable, and legal --- and that included dressing nicely. So when I go to the gym, sometimes I feel embarrassed because hell --- *I* don't want to look at myself in cute spandex workout outfits; my workout clothing mantra is "comfortable, cheap, supportive, covers the fat rolls". Or because I can't shake my entire body the way some of those girls in Zumba class do, at least without throwing my hips out  of whack or just looking like I'm having a seizure; or because I'm still really crappy at planks and sure as hell can't do them with my feet through the TRX handles, at an incline (but I can do pike pushups on the floor, and that's by God what I do when everybody else is doing'em with the TRXs).

This philosophy extends to other areas of life, too. The very high probability that I will look like an idiot doing something is not a good enough reason to keep me from trying it, if it interests me.  The very high probability that I will fail, or not be very good at it, at least at first, is a damned lousy reason not to try something. Because the fact is, morons with low self esteem and big mouths aside,  the majority of the people you encounter in any given situation are too worried about how inadequate they may appear to give a second thought to you.

There was a lady in Zumba class today wearing a great t-shirt that read STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY. I found that inspiring (as did a lot of other women in the class, who clustered around to admire it). This shouldn't be taken as a dig against skinny people; but skinny isn't attainable for everyone, and all things being equal, strong is, if you're willing to work for it. So I approve that message.

The point is, don't let anybody hold you back from your goals. The most important thing is not whether you fit in, whether you look good doing it, whether it takes you five times or five thousand to get it right. The important thing is that you are out there doing it, because you want to, or because you want what it will bring you more than you want to indulge whatever is in your way.

Go out there and get your share.

PRIMAL FLIRTING

Yesterday, I stopped off at a Wendy's to ...er ... use the facilities. It was like entering the Bog of Eternal Stench. I was nearly bowled over by the smell of rancid grease and preservative-laden food. When I recovered a  bit, I looked around and realized that none of the patrons were affected by it. It seemed perfectly normal to them. And once again, I realized that once you cleanse your palate and your body of this kind of trash, you become aware of just how awful it really is.

Several years ago, I did this great gig in Minnesota ... in February. They put us up in beautiful lofts right next door to the rehearsal space. It was sort of the Opera Dorm for grown-ups, and the cast had lots of fun doing potlucks in each other's flats. The last one was a sort of "clear out your fridge" party, and one of my friends brought Hot Pockets, cut up into bite-sized pieces. They smelled pretty good so I decided to try one ... and spit it out into the garbage. It didn't even taste like food to me. (At that point, I probably hadn't had any fast or processed food for about two years).

My point is, you really can re-educate your tastebuds to prefer whole and natural foods, and less sugar. I personally have never conquered the satanic trifecta that is fat-sugar-salt, but I need a lot less of it to be happy. This is on my mind because at last, after three months in Florida, working hard on regaining fitness and the mental strength to concentrate on diet, I feel ready to cautiously introduce some changes to my diet again. And it's party inspired by Mr. Hot Pockets.

Mr. Hot Pockets lives here in Miami, and I saw him the other day. Actually, I worked with him just last summer, and there'd be significant changes to his physique. My friend has a compact, muscular frame, the kind where a few pounds  and a little toning one way or the other make a big difference.  He has never been fat, but he used to weigh a little more, and now he's looking positively sleek. He's doing Primal, Paleo's slightly more relaxed cousin, and I've been intrigued by these for a while. I first heard about Paleo because of CrossFit (many CrossFit adherents are also into Paleo), and it led me on an exploration of these very low-carb diets that eschew grains (even whole grains!), legumes, and processed sugar. The good news? Fat  --- good fat --- isn't the enemy any more. Here, eat the chicken skin. Have a whole avocado. Slather on some coconut oil. EAT BACON!

This is an oversimplification of course, and not a full view of the diet or the lifestyle in its many incarnations. I encourage you to check out some of the links above if you're interested, and they link to many other books and sites.  Personally, I don't think I'm ready to go whole hog (you should forgive the pun) and start foraging, cooking organ meats, and fasting intermittantly, but giving up grains for at least a week? That I can do. I think.  Yesterday was grain-free (I did have some legumes), so technically today is Day One. So far, so good.

I was late to kickboxing this morning, but I joined in with gusto and also did my TRX class. Tonight I plan to go back and do a stretch/burn class. Yesterday, it was zumba and a great 75 minute yoga class all to myself, since no one else showed up!

I was late to kickboxing because  since Daniel's death, I have just been a little spacey, and yesterday was the funeral in France, so that was all that was on my mind. I drove around all day singing "Danny Boy" and had a little private ceremony of my own for him. My voice teacher sent me a link to  my favorite movement from the Faure Requiem --- "In Paradisium", as ethereal and promising as you could wish for, and it made me remember an incident that happened almost ten years ago, when my own father died. I was performing my favorite work of all time, the Verdi Requiem. It's a challenging work with a lot of solos for the mezzo; the last of which requires high, delicate singing after an evening of heavy lifting. But it's the most beautiful thing in the whole work, in my opinion: the Lux Aeterna.

We were in a hall that had stadium seating. When we started the Lux Aeterna, I happened to glance up into the audience, and I saw my father. Not a guy who looked like my dad, not a ghost, but my dad, right there in the audience. The next time I looked he was gone, but I knew he was still there, and it was very comforting. Now here's the weird part: after the concert, one of the choristers came up to me. I did not know this woman, and as far as I know, she had no idea my dad had died just a few weeks earlier. She said to me, "While you were singing the Lux Aeterna, you were surrounded by angels. And I saw your dad standing there. He looked very happy."

This is a recording of that very performance. I have done other, better performances since then, but this one will always be special to me. I now offer it in tribute to Daniel.