The Next Hundred Pounds

WINNING AT LOSING

Away back in the beginning of this my most recent and longest and more or less most successful slog towards better health and fitness, I set out to figure out what I was and was not willing to do for the rest of my life, or at least for long periods of time, in order to achieve my goals. And one thing I was pretty sure I did not want to mess with was counting calories or points or any such thing. It's cumbersome, it's crazy-making, it's punative, it's just plain hateful. Life is too short.

And yet.

A friend from one of my online fitness support groups has been raving about Lose It, a free app for Android and IPhone. I've been playing with it for the past several days, and it's really cool.

I'd tried a few online programs --- My Plate via the LiveStrong website, and a couple of others --- but I always found them very cumbersome to use, and you had to spend so much time looking up food, most of which was processed name brand crap that I don't eat. Lose It is much easier and more convenient. And cute. It's almost like playing a game.

First, you set goals, and enter some information. How much you  currently weigh; whether you want to lose, gain, or maintain; how much you'd like to lose and how quickly; your age, etc. Lose It then calculates how many calories you have to "spend" each day.  In addition to calories, you can custom program the app to track certain nutrients.

Then, you log your food and exercise intake. And not unlike Weight Watchers, when you log exercise, YOU EARN MORE CALORIES TO STUFF IN YOUR PIEHOLE.

I'm not a big app person, so one of the things I like about Lose It is that it's easy to figure out. It's easy to look up and log foods, or to add custom foods or exercise. And then, it's right there ON YOUR PHONE, which you have with you all the time. Or at least, I do. At this point, it's part of my anatomy. As soon as something goes in the piehole --- or even before --- you just whip out that phone and punch in what you ate, or are contemplating eating. And you get a cheery little screen that shows you where you are with your daily budget.

And let me tell you, friends, that budget is a BIG deterrent to overdoing it. When you're craving ice cream and looking at what you have left for the day, you have to make a real conscious choice to go over. It's right there in your face. It's like the calorie counts at Starbucks'. When I see "Scone, 460 calories" my desire for it flickers and dies like a cellulite-covered candle in the wind.

There are all sorts of other goodies associated with Lose It that you can play with. Forums, blogs, support groups ('cause everything has to have a social media application these days), emails, and so on. I haven't gotten into any of that; I like to keep it simple, and right now, the simplicity of the app is a large part of its charm for me.I like the cute little icons, I like the aforementioned gamelike qualities, I like that it's FREE. It's a very useful tool.

There is one major drawback to Lose It, however. And that is that all it can do is work with the information you give it. Feed it good information ---  don't lie about the amount of exercise you did or what you ate or how much --- and you will get accurate results. But Garbage In, Garbage Out applies.

This means you may have to do a little research to make sure you're feeding in accurate information. For example, today I did an approximately 10-mile bike ride. I didn't keep track of how long it took me; but I do know from the odometer that I tend to ride between 8 and 11 miles an hour most of the time. The app calculates your calories burned by the amount of time you spend riding at a certain pace, not distance; so I made an educated guess and thought the resulting calorie bonus was pretty generous. Next time I'll pay more attention. Also, this means you have to measure your portions, too (which, to be honest, we all should be doing anyway).

So there you have it, Lose It is a winner. Will I want to do it forever? I dunno. But right now, I'm having fun playing this game, and it's helping me over a hump. So yaay.

SWEATING PRETTY

You know, this health business isn't pretty.

It's not shiny and neat and organized and pretty, the way the Nike ads and commercials for fitness programs and gyms want you to think. I mean, sure, there's sweat involved, but it's sweat running down some slab of rock-hard abs you could bounce a quarter off of. It's not sweat on a jiggly, cellulite-adorned, plus-sized ass such as my own.

Even the weight loss commercials are selling the dream --- look, here I am posing inside my former jeans, which could now hold three of me --- but you know, they never brought Kirsty Alley back after she regained all that weight, post-Jenny. They never show the real struggle. It wouldn't sell expensive sneakers or fancy yoga pants or the latest workout video.

There's a lot of inspiration floating around out there on the internetz, too. "Fitspiration", if you will. And the Beauty Redifined blog has done a very good job of explaining why this so-called "fitspiration" is so insidious. I think this gets to the crux of the matter:

"Next time you see one of these 'fitspiration' messages, please ask yourself how it makes you feel. If these images and texts motivate you to respect your body as something that can do so much good, make and reach fitness goals, and maintain health that will keep you happy and able, then they are appropriate for you. If they motivate you to worry about being looked at or to improve parts of your body to meet a beauty ideal you see in media, you must be aware of this. Virginia at VirginaSoleSmith.com so concisely says, 'Pay attention to how it makes you feel to be ‘inspired’ by lots of photos of a largely unattainable beauty ideal. Because that’s what rock hard abs are, after all. Yes, sure, core strength is important for your health. But pictures of bikini-clad, chiseled muscles beaded with sweat? That’s about pretty, not about health.'"

Brilliant.

Because let's face it, getting and staying fit isn't pretty. You may feel hot in your $50 Lululemon sports bra (BTW, I just checked out the website, and the first image I saw? A Barbie doll knockoff --- literally, a DOLL --- decked out in Lululemon doll clothes. With the legend, "Yoga makes me feel alive." Speechless)  --- if you can find one in your size. Like many athletic wear companies, they don't cater to sizes above 12. Anyway, as I was saying, your sports gear may make you feel hot, and getting to wear pretty clothes is motivating, but it's superficial. What really makes you feel good, long term, is your body being able to do what you ask it to, easily, happily, energetically. And to do that, you have to be willing to make yourself vunerable. You have to be willing to make yourself ugly.  You have to sweat, grunt, put yourself in awkward and embarrassing positions, mess your hair up, and make yourself uncomfortable, tired, and sometimes even cranky --- and not care about what other people think, which is sometimes the really hard part.

You may have a great time doing all this, but very few of us are going to look like fitness models before, during, or after.

OK. Well, I do in my own head, but only in my head.

Working out is only part of the equation, though. The really ugly part, the messy, disorganized, WTF do you think you're doing part, is weight loss and maintenance, and/or the struggle simply to eat healthfully (which may or may not have anything at all to do with your weight. Skinny people struggle with healthy food choices every bit as much as overweight people do). The commercial weight loss programs and many of the books and videos out there are presented in such a way to make it look like weight loss is a trip you make --- a difficult trip, a trip you have to work hard on, a trip with detours and false starts --- but a trip with a final destination. You, slender and happy, CURED of your fat and your issues with eating.

Of course, it doesn't really work that way. I've said it before and I'll say it again, weight loss/management is a journey without a final destination. It's about the trip. Right now I am as far off the path as I've been since I started --- but I can still see the road. I know where it is, and how to get back to it.  What I'm really fighting with is the guilt and shame associated with watching myself slip, even as I've continually struggled, for the past several months.

It's messy. It's not glamourous. It's not pretty. And there are no close ups of rock hard abs with sprayed-on sweat trickling invitingly down, shower-porn style.

But you take it a day at a time, and you keep working. Today, so far, I've done everything I planned to do. I wrote out a food plan and I've stuck to it. I got up and did 55 minutes of yoga this morning --- HEAVEN for my tight hamstrings and cranky hips. It's been quite a while since I did any significant stretching and this session reminded me how important it is --- it is NOT fluff. It does very good things for you, especially if you've been hitting it hard in other ways. And after yoga, I walked 2.5 miles to the coffee shop, and in a few minutes, will walk another 2.5 back.  It's not easy to wrench yourself back on track, especially with the Hyenas of Doubt yapping in your ears. But it does feel so good when you do it.

And you do it as often as necessary.

  Pics from today's walk.

 

KICKINGS OF THE BUTTS

Here is a great story about a great kid who has taken on not only the nutritionally questionable lunches her Scottish school serves, but the politicians who tried to shut her up. Nine-year-old Martha Payne has a blog called Never Seconds. Every day she takes a photo of her lunch and writes about it. It's not always questionable --- sometimes she quite enjoys it --- but she is quite the health conscious young lady. Her blog has gotten quite a bit of press, which annoyed the authorities, who didn't take kindly to criticism of the school's food. They forbade Martha to photograph her food or even bring a camera to school. But Martha has a lot of fans --- among them celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, famous for championing reforms in school food -- and has prevailed! You can read about the whole brou-ha-ha by clicking the link above. (Incidentally, young Martha has also used her blog's following to raise awareness and funds for Mary's Meals, a UK- based charity that sets up school feeding projects globally. Some kid, right?).

Meanwhile, back in the States, I went to my Fit Club pals and appealed for an intervention. (Fit Club is a private FaceBook group, composed largely of other performers, to provide support and encouragement for each person's pursuit of health). I hadn't posted there in a while because frankly, my eating here in Princeton has been, overall, terrible. No one really had anything new to offer, but that's beside the point --- sometimes, you just need someone to tell you to put down the Twinkie, get off your butt, and get back to work. Lovingly, of course. Sometimes, you just need someone to tell you again what you already know, much in the way kids like to hear the same bedtime stories again and again.

I needed a butt-kicking, for sure.

One thing I figured out a long time ago is that for me to exercise regularly, it's got to be convenient and it's got to be interesting. And also, that it's got to come to me in a pre-formulated plan. When it comes to workouts, I need a boss to tell me what to do and how much of it to do.  That's why things like P90X and classes at the gym, or personal training, have worked so well for me in the past.
I guess I've just already got so much going on in my life that I have to be in charge of and make lots of minute decisions about; when it comes to workouts, I just want to show up and do the work I'm given. There's a gym in the house where I'm staying right now. I could go down there and lift weights, do some time on the elliptical. But I'm bored with that and besides, I want to know exactly what I should do. I liked the High Intensity Interval training I did with Harrison a few weeks ago; I'd love to find an online program for that.

The same is true for food. The Beck Diet Solution did wonders for me but at some point its magic wore off, and I have never been able to get wholly back on the program. I always said I did not want to count calories or points, but now I'm wondering if it's time to try that again, or if I should stick to my guns and simply go back to what I know worked in the past.

Questions I don't have answers for right now. But today, I am grateful for friends who offer up gentle butt kickings and advice on request, and it did help. I've done better the last couple of days.  And for now, I think the important thing is not to figure out THE plan, but A plan for tomorrow.

So. That's what I'll do.

 

 

 

24 MILES ON THE D&R CANAL

The show is completely staged, we're into run-throughs, and soon we'll be moving into production week, the week leading up to opening night, where we finally get into the theater and begin working with costumes, makeup, the set, the orchestra. Most of this will take place in the evening, leaving the days free for  --- what else? Working out!

Being in Princeton has been a special challenge; I'm blessed here with a very friendly, social cast, and that has led to a great deal of socializing at restaurants and bars, which has in turn led to a short circuit of my healthy eating. I have healthy food at home, but it's been way too easy to grab a slice or a burger when out with the gang. And that can't go on.

However, I have been taking advantage of the lovely weather and my host's bike to cycle to rehearsal whenever possible, and make other forays around town.  Today was a day off, and I celebrated with a 24-mile RT ride along the Delaware & Raritan Canal.

I started off in Cranbury, where I'm staying, in a nice suburban neighborhood surrounded by thick forest. It's not uncommon to see woodchucks, bunnies, foxes, and deer. There's a bike trail that leads past the busy main road and gets you all the way down to the canal --- this is what I take to rehearsal. It's so beautiful that it just feeds the soul -- not until you reach the bottom of the big, mile-long hill leading up to the church where we rehearse does it actually begin to feel like exercise!

Upon leaving the neighborhood, I pass a beautiful pond where a Great Blue Heron is almost always in residence. Today he took exception to my passage, spiraling up over the water with harsh complaints. His flight took him too close to a nesting robin, who took exception and chased him away as I've only seen smaller birds do to hawks.

Next, I pass a huge, sweet-smelling field of grasses, richly inhabited with butterflies and red-winged blackbirds who dart and dip among the waving fronds. And then it's on past some wetlands and woodlands, which border a couple of major corporations who have created hiking and biking paths for their employees and kept much of the forest surrounding them intact for that purpose.  Onward, past banks of wildflowers in riotous colors: white, purple, pink, yellow, and bright orange, all massing together. Sadly, this photo doesn't do the colors justice; or the sweet herbal scent that perfumes the air.

Soon after this, a quick detour down a side road brings me to the entrance of the Delaware & Raritan Canal State Park, and in short order I am crossing the first of the bridges which will take me towards the Princeton University campus. Look carefully at the photo below; there is a pile of turtles on a dead branch. Such turtle piles heavily stud the canals and their banks! There is quite a healthy turtle population here, including some sizable snappers.

Today, I had to make a decision about whether to turn left, towards Trenton, or right, to Kingston. I decided to see if I could make it to Trenton. First, I paused on the bridge to snap the beautiful river. No scullers this year; last year it seems I saw them fairly regularly.

The trail is pretty shady, which did not keep me from coming home with an impressive farmer's tan. Along the way I saw adorable little chipmunks, a fat woodchuck who scurried out of my path, and plenty of Canadian geese on the canal. My hosts take exception to their presence (too much poop, I suppose) but I think they are beautiful.

Now, what would an adventure be without ... well, and adventure? As I peddled along, I heard yelling and splasing in the canal. There are lots of canoe and kayak rental places, and I correctly assumed this was a group of kids --- but they were stranded. There were about 10 of them, far too many to be in two canoes, ranging in ages from about 8 to perhaps 12. And they were clearly part of some religious group. All the girls were wearing black mid-calf skirts, opaque stockings, blue button-down shirts and black sweaters or sweater vests; the boys were dressed the same except they had slacks, of course. Not your typical canoeing attire, and far too hot for the weather. As they had managed to capsize their canoes, they were all soaked and must have been miserable. They saw me approach and yelled at me for help. The biggest boy was in the water, trying fruitlessly to empty his waterlogged canoe; but it was too heavy for him to tip himself, and they were on the far side of the canal. Now, this water is not very deep; nor is it very inviting, being a muddy brown. I stopped, and called out some encouragement, telling them how to empty the canoe. (They just needed to drag it to the bank, get it slightly on the bank, and tip it over, which, working together, they could have done).  In retrospect, I probably should have just stayed there and hollered instructions until they managed it or made them pull the canoes and wade over to my side where I could have helped them without getting too wet myself; but they asked me to ride on and get the manager of the canoe concession, so after a few more words of encouragement, I did. There were several other canoes with their colleagues in them dotting the canals --- not a single adult superviser in sight, either. I got to the canoe concession and found the one adult, a very pissed-off woman who said that the manager was not helping them at all. I told her she was just going to have to walk down there and help them, and told them where she was; and went on my way. She herself was wearing a knee-length black skirt and sweater, and heels. I felt kind of bad for the kids and just a little bit for the woman but honestly, this was not well-planned. Those kids were all over the place with no supervision, and not dressed appropriately for the outing. It was not well thought out. Anyway, there were plenty of other people walking and biking the trail, and by the time I got back they were gone, so the poor things must have eventually either rescued themselves or gotten help!

Soon after this little adventure, I passed a canal house, and shortly thereafter was in (for me) previously uncharted territory. And look who was waiting for me down the trail:

The first of many deer I was to see along the way. In fact, around the next bend the trail began to taper off and become nothing more than a footpath; so I had to cross to the other side. At the crossing, I happened to glance down the trail a bit and saw a doe resting herself along the banks of the canal, among the lily pads. (They aren't actually lily pads; I'm not sure what they are, but that's what they look like. Sort of).

Click on the pic to enlarge, and if you look carefully you might be able to spot her. The camera on my phone unfortunately doesn't have a zoom. When I got to the other side, I was able to see what I couldn't from my first vantage point --- the doe had two darling little fawns with her! They are well-camoflauged. Look at the water's edge.

There isn't much signage along the trail. Occasionally you will find a map of the WHOLE trail system (which is quite large) but they never show where you are right then; and none of the bridges have street names on them. However, there was a little trail shooting off the main, which promised to go past a house built in 1761; so I thought that was worth a little detour. This was in Lawrence Township.

Sure enough, the house was a pleasant sight and there were picnic tables and chairs. It was time for a break, so I stopped to eat some trail mix and enjoy the view.

There were a number of people in office clothes walking by on the trail, and when I left I followed the trail from whence they were coming, which led to some large building in the middle of cleared forest. They had made a trail connecting to the D&R Canal Trail, and I passed many of their employees having a lunch time jaunt. What a great idea!

The trail is better kept in some sections than others,  but always ridable.

It crosses over US 1 ...

... and continues, lovely and serene, for many more miles. However, by this time, I wasn't quite sure how far I'd gone or how much further it was to Trenton. I'd had fantasies about getting there and having a little rest in a cafe before heading back; but none of the maps showed how much further it was, or had any distance markers on them at all, and I realized that I'd gone about as fur as I could go and still hope to make it back.

So, at the next road crossing, which happened to be where this dilapidated but still lovely house stood, I stopped and whipped out my new phone with its fancy GPS, and figured I was still in Lawrence Township, on Carnegie Road, and it was about 12 miles from home. I figured that'd be a good ride, by the time I got back. So turn around I did.

My path was strewn with flowers ---these pretty orange lilies that grow wild everywhere around here.It was a good ride. I do confess to stopping for frozen yogurt on the way home --- hey, I only had trail mix for lunch --- and when I did get back, I took a quick shower and then lay down on the bed while the overhead fan did its work in finishing drying me ... and promptly fell into a heavy two-hour nap. So it must have been a good workout. ;)

BACK IN THE (BIKE) SADDLE AGAIN

It's been a busy couple of weeks, but at last I am settled in Princeton, where I'll be for the next month rehearsing and performing Gianni Schicchi with the Princeton Festival. I confess that, in the preceding two-odd weeks I spent at home, there was not a great deal of working out, other than the three excellent high intensity workouts I bought via Groupon, and one Bikram yoga session.

It's a constant struggle, and source of guilt --- whether I worked out and how much, what I ate, how much time I spend thinking about eating. After a lifetime of this, I don't suppose that's ever going to change, so rather than fretting about it, I just need to learn to manage it. It is a source of pride, however, that even at a heavier weight I am a lot stronger and fitter than I once was.

Here in Princeton, my kind hosts are lending me a bike, and it is my goal to bike the roughly 15 mile round trip to rehearsal whenever possible. However, my hosts were VERY concerned about this. I think they thought I wouldn't be able to do it. One of them asked to accompany me on the first day, insisting it would be a 45 minute trip one way. I had done it several times the previous year, and it's an easy ride except for the last mile, which is up a long, steep hill; still, it took me closer to 30 minutes to complete. I don't claim to be a fast rider by any means, but I quickly left my host behind, and when he caught up to me at the light, he said, "You have strong legs!" About half way there, he decided I 'd be fine and left me to my own devices! And it didn't take me 45 minutes, either.

New  Jersey is really beautiful in the early summer, and I enjoy being outside whenever possible. I've gotten in a ride every day so far, even if it was nothing more than a trip to the store. Yesterday, I revisited a park and some country roads I remembered from last year, enjoying about an hour's ride. And to top it off, the show I am in right now is fairly active. There's a good bit of running around the stage. Gianni Schicchi is a one act and only about 45 minutes long in its entirety; so once you're actually performing it, it's not so physically demanding. Rehearsing it, however, is another matter entirely! It's an ensemble cast, meaning that --- its most famous aria and the title character notwithstanding --- there isn't really a single star; every character is important. And it's very detailed; with a lot of running around. So there's plenty of moving and grooving going on, and given how physically tired I am today, it must be working.

Today, however, it's raining intermittantly, so my plan is to try to recreate one of the high intensity workouts I did with Harrison.

In the mean time, here's a lovely, inspiring post to read next time you're feeling inadequate about your workouts, your body, your fitness level ... next time you're afraid to go to the gym because you think people will be judging you ... next time you think you're not enough. I've had those days. I still have them, sometimes. I made up my mind a long time ago not to let what other people might think or say about me stop me from doing whatever I want to do, but some days, that's easier to manifest than others. One day at a time, right?