SWEATING PRETTY

You know, this health business isn't pretty.

It's not shiny and neat and organized and pretty, the way the Nike ads and commercials for fitness programs and gyms want you to think. I mean, sure, there's sweat involved, but it's sweat running down some slab of rock-hard abs you could bounce a quarter off of. It's not sweat on a jiggly, cellulite-adorned, plus-sized ass such as my own.

Even the weight loss commercials are selling the dream --- look, here I am posing inside my former jeans, which could now hold three of me --- but you know, they never brought Kirsty Alley back after she regained all that weight, post-Jenny. They never show the real struggle. It wouldn't sell expensive sneakers or fancy yoga pants or the latest workout video.

There's a lot of inspiration floating around out there on the internetz, too. "Fitspiration", if you will. And the Beauty Redifined blog has done a very good job of explaining why this so-called "fitspiration" is so insidious. I think this gets to the crux of the matter:

"Next time you see one of these 'fitspiration' messages, please ask yourself how it makes you feel. If these images and texts motivate you to respect your body as something that can do so much good, make and reach fitness goals, and maintain health that will keep you happy and able, then they are appropriate for you. If they motivate you to worry about being looked at or to improve parts of your body to meet a beauty ideal you see in media, you must be aware of this. Virginia at VirginaSoleSmith.com so concisely says, 'Pay attention to how it makes you feel to be ‘inspired’ by lots of photos of a largely unattainable beauty ideal. Because that’s what rock hard abs are, after all. Yes, sure, core strength is important for your health. But pictures of bikini-clad, chiseled muscles beaded with sweat? That’s about pretty, not about health.'"

Brilliant.

Because let's face it, getting and staying fit isn't pretty. You may feel hot in your $50 Lululemon sports bra (BTW, I just checked out the website, and the first image I saw? A Barbie doll knockoff --- literally, a DOLL --- decked out in Lululemon doll clothes. With the legend, "Yoga makes me feel alive." Speechless)  --- if you can find one in your size. Like many athletic wear companies, they don't cater to sizes above 12. Anyway, as I was saying, your sports gear may make you feel hot, and getting to wear pretty clothes is motivating, but it's superficial. What really makes you feel good, long term, is your body being able to do what you ask it to, easily, happily, energetically. And to do that, you have to be willing to make yourself vunerable. You have to be willing to make yourself ugly.  You have to sweat, grunt, put yourself in awkward and embarrassing positions, mess your hair up, and make yourself uncomfortable, tired, and sometimes even cranky --- and not care about what other people think, which is sometimes the really hard part.

You may have a great time doing all this, but very few of us are going to look like fitness models before, during, or after.

OK. Well, I do in my own head, but only in my head.

Working out is only part of the equation, though. The really ugly part, the messy, disorganized, WTF do you think you're doing part, is weight loss and maintenance, and/or the struggle simply to eat healthfully (which may or may not have anything at all to do with your weight. Skinny people struggle with healthy food choices every bit as much as overweight people do). The commercial weight loss programs and many of the books and videos out there are presented in such a way to make it look like weight loss is a trip you make --- a difficult trip, a trip you have to work hard on, a trip with detours and false starts --- but a trip with a final destination. You, slender and happy, CURED of your fat and your issues with eating.

Of course, it doesn't really work that way. I've said it before and I'll say it again, weight loss/management is a journey without a final destination. It's about the trip. Right now I am as far off the path as I've been since I started --- but I can still see the road. I know where it is, and how to get back to it.  What I'm really fighting with is the guilt and shame associated with watching myself slip, even as I've continually struggled, for the past several months.

It's messy. It's not glamourous. It's not pretty. And there are no close ups of rock hard abs with sprayed-on sweat trickling invitingly down, shower-porn style.

But you take it a day at a time, and you keep working. Today, so far, I've done everything I planned to do. I wrote out a food plan and I've stuck to it. I got up and did 55 minutes of yoga this morning --- HEAVEN for my tight hamstrings and cranky hips. It's been quite a while since I did any significant stretching and this session reminded me how important it is --- it is NOT fluff. It does very good things for you, especially if you've been hitting it hard in other ways. And after yoga, I walked 2.5 miles to the coffee shop, and in a few minutes, will walk another 2.5 back.  It's not easy to wrench yourself back on track, especially with the Hyenas of Doubt yapping in your ears. But it does feel so good when you do it.

And you do it as often as necessary.

  Pics from today's walk.

 

Comments

[Cindy]

Debra, thanks for your comment and congrats on your weight loss! I am 100% with you about the exercise. Also, I'm tickled that you mention the Lose It app --- a friend introduced it to me recently and I've been trying it out. In fact, my very next post is going to be about it! Great minds ... :)

[Debra]

Hi Cindy--
I've been reading your blog for a couple of years now--it always inspires me. Last week I finally hit the minus 100 pound mark, as compared to my weight 10 years ago. Of course, I probably lost 3 to 4 times that amount over the years. The losses came in fits and starts, depending on what was going on in my life and what motivation I had at the moment.
Two things are for sure for me--I have to exercise. For me that means 10,000 steps a day plus a couple of days at the gym doing weight training. And second, despite anything else I try, I always go back to counting calories. It is the only way I really know for sure how much food I am taking in. I started using the app Lose It! a couple of years ago and it really helps. For one thing, it helps me know that I am eating enough protein. For another, if I have a really awful morning (which, thank goodness, I have not had in a while) and stop at the donut shop on the way to work, rather than panicking and thinking the day (and then the week, and maybe the month) are lost so why bother, I can total up the damage and deal with what I have to do for the rest of the day to stay within my goal, or at least close to it.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you about the app, because I have seen you struggling for quite a while now, and thought maybe a switch to calorie counting for a change might help. Knowing how you feel about it, I have hesitated, but since you mentioned you are thinking about it . . .
Best of luck!

[Molly]

Hi Cindy.

Great post. Thank you. I used to think of my attempts at losing weight & getting healthier as "let's start this again". (In the last 8 years I've had 10 surgeries & what with all the recoveries, steroid regimens {craniotomies always require steroids it seems - not that I've had 10 of those! - just 4, the rest were knee & abdominal plus vestibular issues - it's a long story} and just plain ol I'm-sad-at-all-these-changes-so-I-deserve-these-donuts eating.) But then I realized that I wasn't looking at it right (for me, anyway). It's all part of the same process/march forward - I know what I mean, I'm just not finding the right words - I had to think of it as all the same attempt with lots of meandering. For some reason changing the way I thot of it helped me stop doing the I'll-just-eat-this-box-of-12-donuts-and-start-over-tomorrow rationalizing.
This post will remind me that it's not how I look as I do my still slow and slightly staggering walks - it's that I'm out there walking. It's that I'm trying and that's what is important.
Your blog helps me. Thanks for writing it.

[Cindy]

I don't believe in spending loads of dough on workout clothes. I guess I might spend more if somebody could convince me they were really worth it, but I do just fine with stuff I find at Kohl's, Walmart, and Target.

[rebeccanyc]

amen. and lululemon makes me nuts too. Athleta will have my money forever, even if I COULD wear lululemon because of their sizing. not all athletes are skinny.

[Georgeanne @ The Arkansassy Soprano]

Great post, Cindy. As someone on her own weight-loss journey, I have to be conscious and realize that my "result" is not any one physical characteristic--it's my HAPPINESS. It's changing my relationship with food and loving myself enough to put fuel into my body rather than garbage.

Thank you.

[Cindy]

Damn fat cells!

[Fran]

And again, and again, and again. It's those fat cells; they try to win the battle. I've often read that once we have them, they stay. They get thinner, but always want to regain their puffy stature. I feel that there is where the fight needs to focus.