The Next Hundred Pounds

HAPPY NEW YEAR! WELCOME 2012.

Happy New  Year, everyone! As we say goodbye to 2011 and welcome 2012, it's a time for celebration, reflection, and looking forward with hope and optimism. I personally am looking forward to spending the better part of February, March, April, and May in Florida, where I'll be singing first with Sarasota Opera and then with Florida Grand. This marks the longest continuous time I've been on the road in my entire career; thank goodness for all those saved-up frequent flier miles which will permit my husband to come visit several times!

I am also looking forward, with optimism, to getting myself back on track with consistent healthy eating and exercise. It's been a very rough Christmas; I've been battling an unusual amount of fatigue and distress which are simply not normal for me. At first I thought it was just holiday stress, exhaustion from all the travel, lack of sun, and other winter-blues type stressors, but  thanks to Dr. FaceBook and a bunch of wonderful and wise women friends, it seems very possible that there's something physical going on.  On Monday I'll be calling to make a doctor's appointment and have some bloodwork done, and then we'll see. In the meantime, I'm trying to be good to myself, with lots of rest, naps, puppy therapy, cuddling with the husband, moderate workouts (did my Kenpo yesterday!) and healthy food, as well as extra B12 and Vitamin D.

THE YEAR IN REVIEW

In January 2011, I returned to Chicago for the second phase of my cover contract with the Lyric Opera of Chicago. It was a wonderful experience; I hadn't been back for any great length of time since my apprentice days there, and I LOVE working for this company. Also, I really enjoy Chicago, even in the dead of winter.  Upon arriving home, I got a very painful cortisone shot which eventually helped resolve my ongoing foot/knee/hip problems so I could start running again. I also started what would be my final semester of teaching at St. Edward's University.

In February, I started my first round of P90X and quickly fell in  love with the program. The Tower of Pain moved into our bedroom (a year later, I still can't do pull-ups; but my back muscles are stronger).  Also, I took a very special road trip with my niece Gracie to the American Girls store in Dallas, bought her a doll named Josephina, and really really really wanted to buy some stuff for myself. But this is why we have nieces.

In March, I returned to my roots by performing some Irish folk music on a fundraiser concert for my school choir's trip to Ireland. It was fun to sing this stuff again --- it's what got me into voice lessons and, eventually, a career in opera. My in-laws came for a long visit and we toured all sorts of interesting places, including the Texas Ranger Museum, Fort Sam Houston, and a mammoth bone excavation site.

In April, I sang in a studio class for the first time in about twenty years (Studio Class is sort of a group voice lesson) and produced an evening of four one-act American operas, including The Medium, which I directed. The day after strike, I was on a plane to Boise, Idaho to make my role and house debut as The Marquise of Berkenfield in The Daughter of the Regiment. This also marked the beginning of my Wild 2011 Season.

In May, we saw the death of Osama bin Laden, and more tragically, the great baritone Giorgio Tozzi, with whom I'd had the privilege of working briefly. Eric and I enjoyed some great hiking in Idaho. When Daughter of the Regiment closed, I once again jumped on a plane and traveled all night to get back to Austin in time for juries (final exams for singers). Was home for nine days before departing for my next singing adventure.

June was spent in beautiful Princeton, NJ, rehearsing one of my favorite roles of all time (Baba the Turk, the bearded lady in The Rake's Progress), riding a borrowed bike along the canals, cooking with my friends Pablo and  Nicholas, racing up to NYC for auditions here and there, and of course performing. It was a fabulous production that got rave reviews, and I got to wear a coin bra and (more or less) bare midriff! Then it was tim efor another race to the airport, fly home, jump off plane and start work moment ... because the day I landed was our first day of Spotlight.

July was consumed with Spotlight on Opera. I was so busy being the boss lady this year, sandwiched between singing gigs, that I did not get to direct an opera (boo-hoo! I love directing!) but we had a fantastic season, producing two full operas (Carmen and Falstaff), two Song Cafes, Aria Extravaganza, and four performances of two completely different opera scenes programs. We also had twice-a-week, extreme ass-kicking boot camp, and I was very happy that my assistant program director Bruce Cain and I --- the two most elderly participants ---- were the only ones who showed up for every single class. Outside. In Texas. In August.

The day after we struck, I was on a very early plane to Chicago, followed by a three hour car trip through Illinois (complete with a stop in the middle to change to a rental car and drive the rest of the way myself), arriving at the first rehearsal of my next gig just in time to sing my aria. A big, flashy aria on four hours' sleep and very little warmup.

In August, I finished performing my second Daughter of the Regiment with the Sugar Creek Festival in Watseka, IL, where I made some fabulous new friends. At last there was a non-rushed trip back to Texas, and I  finally got to spend a few weeks at home.

September 2011 was the first one in six years in which I did not start back to school; in a huge leap of faith, I gave up my teaching job to pursue singing full time. September was also marked by the horrible wildfires that razed so much of Texas; good friends of ours lost their home and I was glued to FaceBook, checking hourly for updates. I also returned to San Antonio Opera for my role debut as Gertrude in Romeo & Juliette, which turned out to be more fun than it had a right to be, thanks to our creative director.

In October, my Spotlight group kicked off their fall season with one of the most fun concerts we've ever done: Aria by Request. Audience members got tickets and got to "buy" the selections they wanted to hear from a menu. I don't usually perform with Spotlight; my role is administrator/director, but this was a fundraiser, so I did, and it was a lot of fun. Then, we loaded up the van and headed off to Louisville, Kentucky, to start rehearsals for The Marriage of Figaro. I adored Kentucky and my castmates!

In November, we finished the Figaro performances and drove home just in time for Thanksgiving. Up to this point, I'd been doing a good job of sticking with my workouts. I ran along the Ohio River, did P90X in the house, and went to the hotel gym to use the elliptical. I even ran on Thanksgiving Day. But then, I was suddenly so exhausted all the time, and used this as an excuse to stop working out for a while.

And that brings us to December 2011. It started off with a really fun performance, my classical cabaret with a tenor friend, Nicholas Simpson. The next week, Spotlight had their scenes program; and in the middle of all this, I did two quickie trips to NYC for auditions, two weeks in a row. Then we were into holiday prep and now here it is, the last day of 2011.

It's been a good year in most ways. I love that I'm getting to sing so much and I pray that even with the economy and the troubles my industry is facing, it continues. As mentioned, I took a big leap of faith and my challenge for 2012 is to keep feeding that faith, and finding paying work to do when I'm not off singing. We had some challenges as a family this year --- who didn't? --- but things are looking better now. And I am beginning 2012 with what may be a frustrating health challenge. I'm not very happy about feeling so lousy going into the new year, but I am also determined to face and conqueor whatever it may be. I continue to be committed to improving my health and fitness. I still want to run a marathon. I still want to do P90X and get into the best shape I possibly can.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll even be able to do a pull-up.

Happy New Year, friends, and here's wishing you the best of luck with your own challenges and goals. Here's wishing us all a healthy dollop of hope, faith, luck, determination, and success in 2012.

 

CORNICOPIA

You've gotta be kidding me.

When Eric showed up on Monday, he had several presents for me. First, he had this gorgeous pair of earrings, in celebration of our tenth wedding anniversary.

But he also pulled this out of the suitcase:

This is what he pulled out of the garden right before coming to see me. In November. A week before Thanksgiving. From a garden which has been completely neglected since at least September, which is the last time I was home. Those are four different kinds of peppers and some white eggplant. Hurrah for Texas "produce until the first frost" growing season!

We need to be eating lots of veggies, after the meals we've had the last two days. Despite my resolution to celebrate sensibly, we had two pretty indulgent meals. Tonight, I sauteed one of those peppers with some onions and garlic, seared some cubed tofu;  then added a bag of frozen ochra and a can of fire-roasted tomatoes. I put it all in a casserole dish, topped with a little part-skim mozzarella, and baked it until the cheese melted. It was pretty good but is missing some herbs. I only have basic seasonings here. Wonder what would be good with this?

Also,it seems I'll need to be making stuffed peppers sometime this week, or incorporate them into our Thanksgiving menu! It's going to be tricky doing all the cooking around my schedule and with limited facilities, and I confess that we did discuss just buying a premade meal from Whole Foods or going out. I can't bring myself to do it --- I love cooking Thanksgiving dinner! So, our plans are made and, rehearsal schedule permitting, we intend to do the Big Shopping Trip first thing tomorrow morning. Here's our menu:

Roasted Cranberry Sauce with Herbed Candied Walnuts
Carmelized Shallot Mashed Potatoes
Fennel Gratin with Pecorino Romano and Lemon
Haricots Verts with Walnuts and Dried Cherries
Mom's Cornbread Dressing (my own veggie version using no-chicken broth and seitan)
Sweet Potato Biscuits
Pumpkin Pie with Brown Sugar Walnut Topping
Bourbon Molasses Ice Cream

We'll streamline some of these recipes by using less fat and sugar than called for, and using healthier fats where appropriate. Anything that calls for cheese gets a sprinkle for flavor, not a thick coating. And we also streamline by using smaller plates and making sure that most space is dedicated to the veggies. It's still an extravagant meal. (I admit, looking over it again I think I should probably cut out the sweet potato biscuits ... they are a big holiday favorite, but we don't need that many carbs and I can do them at Christmas). It's a fun challenge to go over the recipes and see where you can improve by substituting a healthier ingredient, cutting back on the less healthy ones, and still finding maximum good taste and texture.

For my Happy Healthy Holiday Challenge, I've been doing a pretty good job of maintaining serenity and focus. I've been doing some thinking about a couple of areas of my life where unnecessary stress and conflict leak in, and have begun to detach myself from them. I'm also thinking about other areas that are also stressors, but more complicated (it's more like having to untangle oneself than detach!) and am weighing their benefits against the amount of stress they cause. Just because something's a lot of trouble doesn't mean it's not worth it, but it has to be evaluated.

I could be doing better in the workout department this week; although we did do quite a lot of walking the other day at (and to and from) the delightful Shedd Aquarium.

I love watching the jellies!

Today is an on-call day -- there's a matinee of Ballo, which means I have to be at the theater until my scene is done; and then I get to do the afternoon Mikado rehearsal. Fun! But I probably won't make it to the gym again. With Eric here for just a short whlie, it's hard to leave him. The other challenge is the temptation to eat out too much and make this into a vacaction. It's a strong urge and I have to keep reminding myself that I can NOT take a vacation from eating properly --- at least not for more than one meal once in a while. It really is a slippery slope! Once you've had that one over-the-top meal the temptation is much greater to continue with "just a little" extra treat here and there, and before you know it you're back where you started. So NO FOOD VACATIONS, at least not for the rest of the week. I want to enjoy T-Day!

BIG NIGHTS

With the legendary soprano Renata Scotto, now our amazing stage director, at intermission.

It's been a busy few days! On Monday night we opened Un Ballo in Maschera. As a cover, this meant I had to stay pretty quiet and focused all day, preparing as if I would be singing that even though it would only happen under extremely extenuating circumstances! Should I have gone on, it would have been a role debut for me, on opening night of the show, stepping in for arguably the greatest singer in my Fach today. No pressure! Needless to say, I played it extra safe. No working out, even though I often do a little workout on a performance day. I wasn't taking any chances! Careful, light eating (especially since there was a party after the show); long, slow warm-up; and keeping myself centered, mentally quiet, and positive.

The performance was spectacular. It has been such a privilege for me as a singer to observe these artists rehearsing! I really have the best job in the world. ;)

There was a great party at Coco Pazzo after the show, and if you're in Chicago and get a chance to go, I highly recommend it. Everyone really enjoyed themselves, but we covers couldn't enjoy ourselves too much, because the very next day we had our cover run! This is the understudies' opportunity to run through the entire show with piano. It's not on set or with costumes; and there's no chorus; but you do get all the real furniture and props that are being used in the show. It's usually attended by some of the higher-ups and word certainly gets out about how it goes, so it's an important event for many reasons. In fact, especially for me, it's essentially an audition in which you sing the entire role (instead of just a few arias). I felt very calm and centered, and excited to get a chance to sing! And I felt good about my performance.

Although the role isn't particularly physically or vocally taxing, and is short, generating and maintaining that amount of mental energy and focus can be very physically tiring. So yesterday, I was a slug. I kept trying to make myself go to the gym and finally had to realize that it just wasn't going to happen. Once in a while, that's okay, as long as it doesn't get to be a habit ... so today, I was on that elliptical first thing!

Today is a special day, too. It's my tenth wedding anniversary with my amazing man! I jokingly tell people that I am Eric's hobby, but it's true. He does so much for me, but the most important thing is that this man loves me, supports me, and thinks I am hot whether I weigh 300 pounds or 150. I am so grateful to have him in my life.

There's a show tonight, and I have to be in the theater, so we will celebrate quietly afterwards at home. Tomorrow night, we're going out (if I don't have rehearsal)! And then, of course, Thanksgiving is coming up. So there are lots of opportunities to choose to eat well --- and by well, I mean to enjoy food without overdoing it, and to make good choices.

Although it's gotten easier to make good decisions, I have to make one consciously every time I eat, and probably always will. One of the discoveries along this journey is that it feels better to eat a little bit of something really wonderful every day than to just go hog wild on occasion. That really helps me get through the holidays, and all the parties and social meals with colleagues when I'm traveling. I will take anything help I can get!

ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY!

Today is my anniversary. Three years ago, I made a decision to change the way I was living and eating, to change my relationship with food, and to improve my health, looks, and fitness.

 
2007             2008                        2009

Today, for the first time in months, I got on the scale. I knew I wouldn't be happy with the number (although it wasn't as bad as I'd feared). I made myself weigh because today, I wanted to touch base with the milestones of my long journey. I wanted to see where I've come from, and speculate about where I still want to go. And although I am not pleased with the weight I've gained back, my accomplishments still stand. I have made major changes in my eating habits and my relationship with food. (Heck, this morning I walked away from blueberry pancakes because frankly, they were not very good). I've reversed my Type II Diabetes. I am still wearing much, much smaller clothing sizes than I used, to, and my fitness level is considerably higher. I am not perfect, but neither do I need to be. In fact, as this must-read article reminds us, perfection is a dangerous and unhealthy lie. 

When I began this journey, I promised myself that I would not fixate on some sort of magic number on the scale; that I would listen to my body and stop trying to lose weight when it felt right. After about 130 pounds, my body didn't want to lose any more without a big struggle. People told me I didn't need to lose any more. Even though I didn't feel "done", I realized I was really tired of the weight loss effort; so I decided to change my focus to increasing my fitness instead. And this I have done.

I started running --- began with the Couch to 5K plan and ran my first (almost) 5K;  then did Gateway to 8K and have run two 10Ks since. I did Pilates and tried Bollywood dance and Bikram yoga (which I love and want to get back to). I bought the Power 90 program and did it religiously up until Spotlight on Opera started, and the only reason I haven't continued are my injuries.

With Year Four upon me, kicking off with four months on the road (New York City, Syracuse, Chicago), I have the perfect opportunity to reassess and set new goals. Obviously I need to focus on improving my athleticism, especially mentally. It's been hard for me to get my mind around the changes I need to make while injured, and it's time to stop making excuses and start cross-training, hard. I would like to lose 10 pounds before I go to  Chicago, and another 10 before I come home. That's going to mean a real commitment. But I've done well with specific goals and deadlines in the past. Being on the road can be an excuse to pig out, but it can also be an opportunity to hunker down and keep food simple and healthy, keep only healthy things in your immediate environment. That will be my goal.

Speaking of healthy foods, tonight some friends are coming over to help me say "Auf Wiedersehen, Austin!".  I love to entertain, and now I love to entertain lavishly without being unhealthy. Some of my dearest friends have diet challenges of their own --- diabetes, celiac disease, etc. --- and they appreciate being fed delicious but healthy foods. So tonight's menu consists of appetizers: homemade baba ganoush ( every time I serve this recipe it gets scarfed down and folks remark, "I usually don't like baba ganoush, but this is AMAZING!"); green olive hummus; and my legendary homemade guacamole, all served with jicama, crudites, lightly roasted broccoli florets, and veggie chips. Dinner is simply grilled veggies (zucchini, asparagus, corn, mushrooms), shrimp, and chicken sausages, with some homemade cornbread. And dessert is truly decadent: the frozen banana soft serve I made the other day; but today I left out the cherries and dressed it up with fresh vanilla beans (oh, yum!). I made a chocolate sauce using Scharffen Berger Cocoa Powder, almond milk, and a little agave syrup; and I have some very thin store-bought wafer cookies which are only 17 calories each to serve with. Let me tell you, the flavor combination of the banana-vanilla bean-coconut-pineapple "ice cream" with the pomegranate-lime cookies and a tiny drizzle of chocolate is TO DIE FOR. I'll post a pic tomorrow.

And speaking of pics, here's my September 2010 anniversary pic.

I can't wait to see 2011's.

BEST IN SHOW

What fun! Head on over to That's Fit and check out Melissa Joulwan's "Weight Loss Success Stories: Best of 2009". Yours truly is featured there as one of the "Most Inspiring" (you'll have to click through the photos; I'm about the 5th one in). There's also a link to Bethany Sanders' longer blurb about me and this blog, written last year.

Reading what was written about me almost a full year ago, I realize something very important. While I haven't yet lost that extra thirty pounds and while I still agonize and work towards it daily, I've actually maintained my weight loss for over a year. Sure, there's been a little up and down on the scale, but I am in the same size clothing I was a year ago. And that's a huge accomplishment. Besides, I'm definitely ahead in the fitness department. A year ago I could not have run for half a mile, let alone 5K --- which I now do regularly.

So, I'm happy about both of those things. My eating is much looser than it was two years ago, or even one year ago, but my weight is about the same. Running has opened up a whole new world of exercise to me. I enjoy it even when I don't enjoy it --- even when it seems, as it has lately, that I am hauling a booty and thighs made of cast iron, even when five minutes into the run I realize this one is going to be a chore and I'm going to do the whole thing shuffling like a granny (while the real grannies pass me on the trail, as they do). These days I can hardly drag myself to the gym, but I am always disappointed if schedule or the weather nix a run.

Often I worry about how my weight management has changed. Other times, I think it's an evolutionary thing. I had an extremely narrow and fierce focus for two solid years, and maybe it 's just not possible to hold on longer than that if you want to be able to focus on other things in your life just as fiercely. I'm not making excuses; at least I hope I'm not. I'm trying to figure out what comes next, how to keep fitness and health a priority every single day. The desire to eat too much of the wrong things is a wolf that never stops prowling outside my door. Every single day, I have to make decisions to keep that wretched beast out. Sometimes he gets a paw or his whole snout in, but for the most part, it's just a lot of annoying howling.

And I am still, still not giving up on that last thirty pounds. This time next year, I've got an important gig, and I would like nothing better than to sashay through the door in a pair of designer jeans two sizes smaller than what is currently clothing my cast iron behind. I don't do New Year's resolutions, but a long time ago, my dear friend Anna Cox Havron introduced me to the concept of New Year's themes. Around this time of year I generally begin to ponder what that theme should be. 2010, I'm thinking, may end up being the Year of Finishing What You Started.

ANNIVERSARY

Two years ago today, I made a decision that changed my life. After struggling with my weight for my entire adult life (and most of my childhood), I committed to learning to manage the problem once and for all. A friend recommended Dr. Judith Beck's book, The Beck Diet Solution, and it became my jumping-off point for taking control of my relationship with food. 

Above: October 2007 (I have no pics from September of that year)

I've made many discoveries along the way, not the least of which is that figuring out what works for me and sticking to it (even if the experts say it's not the best or most effective way to do things) is the key to my longterm success. I've worked very hard to be brutally honest with myself about what and how much I am eating, and why. My husband Eric and I have radically changed our diets, without depriving ourselves of the foods we really like, and our tastes have changed radically as well. We're part-time vegans (generally speaking ,we don't use animal products at home, but we'll sometimes have them when we're out, and I do eat meat from time to time).

There have been some significant milestones: my first one hundred pounds lost. Breaking my wrist and keepin' on truckin'. The New York Times video that was done in June 2007 and the followup last year. Figuring out that I could actually run and not die.

Physically and mentally, there have been many changes. I weigh about 130 pounds less than I did when I started, and have been maintaining for about seven months now. In November of last year, I officially reversed my Type II Diabetes. I am now in good enough physical shape to run for 25 minutes consecutively, and am training for my first 5K. To celebrate this anniversary, I've just enrolled in a series of Bikram yoga classes (I'm told this is a great complement to running and also to weight loss).

Above: September 2008

My relationship with food and with my body have changed a lot too. The whole idea of eating the wrong thing or too much of it isn't so scary; if it happens, as it does from time to time, I know how to manage it and get back on track. I don't agonize about every bite that goes in my mouth and I don't fear losing control at parties. This continues to evolve: just last week in New York, I allowed myself to eat what and when I wanted, and it turned out that I didn't want that much food and only had a couple of small indulgences. (I still struggled, feeling fat when I got home, but today's visit to the scale showed me that in fact I did just fine).

From the beginning I told myself that I wouldn't set a goal weight, that when my body was done losing, I'd know. At some point, that changed, and I did settle on an approximate goal. While I still hope to reach that goal, about thirty pounds away, right now my body isn't ready for it. I've been struggling with this mentally quite a lot, but I think I am ready to make an official commitment that for the next three months, my focus is going to be entirely on fitness and not on weight loss. It's been evolving that way anyway, and it's clear that I can maintain very well as I have been doing. Maybe it's time to declare temporary victory and come back to weight loss at a future date, if I need to.

My activity level has slacked off in the past few months; yes, I'm running regularly and most nights we walk for an hour, but I hit the gym less frequently. It's time to find some new activities that burn more calories and improve my overall fitness. Stuff I like and will stick with --- thus the Bikram yoga. I love yoga but haven't practiced regularly for at least four years, so the last time I did it I was fat. I'm looking forward to experiencing yoga in my new body. Eric and I are also trying very hard to make time for hiking again --- something we've always enjoyed doing but haven't been able to carve out time for lately. We have a date to go on the Death March next Thursday, so keep your fingers crossed that it doesn't rain!

One of the impetuses for my weight loss was my dear friend Gary Rideout, another opera singer who had become a personal trainer and remade his body entirely. Gary was inspirational in many ways, and he always supported me and lovingly wanted me to be healthier. He passed away two years ago this week; ironically, the news came to me when I was in a voice lesson, and to celebrate his life, I chose to work on the Lux aeterna from the Verdi Requiem, a work Gary and I had sung together (in fact, I did my first Verdi Requiem with him). In a few weeks, I will be singing this most beloved work again. Full circle.

I'd like to thank the many people both in my real life and out here in cyberspace who read, comment, and support me. Thank you for continuting to read this blog and comment. I hope you'll stay with me --- the journey is far from over! And who knows, one day I may be able to say I've hit my goal. Until then, I'm just enjoying the ride.

September 2009

ADIEU, FAREWELL, AUF WIEDERSEHEN, GOODBYE 2008

It's been quite a year.

In 2008, I:

• started this blog
• lost over 100 pounds
• reversed my Type II diabetes
• broke my wrist
• began working out with a personal trainer
• struggled with my diet, but ultimately managed to stick with it
• sang a memorial concert for my best friend, who passed away in September 2007debuted with El Paso Opera, The Youngstown Symphony, and Andrea Bocelli at San Antonio Opera
• traveled to New York eight times for voice lessons and auditions
• also traveled to Sarasota, FL; Pittsburgh, PA; and Princeton, NJ
• acted in my first Shakespeare play
• was interviewed by the New York Times, Austin American Statesman, and Classical Singer Magazine about my weight loss
• did a lot of grubbing in my rose and veggie gardens
• got called in at 10 on a Sunday morning to cover Carmen from the orchestra pit at 2 that afternoon
• learned how to make homemade yogurt
• directed a summer opera program and did quite a bit of stage directing as well
• helped elect our country's first Black president
• got new headshots
• purged my closet no fewer than five times
• started learning to kickbox
• ran 1/3 of a mile without stopping or dying (yesterday!)

Here's to a marvelous 2009. I raise my glass to you, friends!

DINE'N'DIET!

Well, it’s crunch week. We started off on Sunday with a trip to the opera, where I was listening (not singing this time!) but was very gratified to see a number of friends that I hadn’t seen in months, and get a big reaction. I got to visit with the fabulous, glamourous pianist who played rehearsals a year ago when I was in New Orleans, Miss Dottie. Miss D and I used to meet in the teensy tiny workout room at the hotel, and gab while we took turns on the wobbly elliptical and screechy treadmill; but hey, it made the time pass! This time a year ago, I was down about thirty pounds, and now I’m down almost a hundred more from that! So Miss D was quite surprised at the change.

After the opera, we met friends at an Italian restaurant, which I knew was going to be a big challenge. This is a chain that offers family style meals, but they do have a couple of things on the healthier side, and in researching their menu, I discovered something really cool: HealthyDiningFinder.com.

This is a site developed by the Healthy Dining Program, in conjunction with the National Restaurant Association and the Center for Disease Control. Restaurants can register with the site, and cooperate with a staff of nutritionists who identify menu items which meet the program’s standards for healthy dining. Diners can then search for restaurants from fast food chains to high end local eateries for healthier choices on the menus.

The site is a great idea, though its usefulness is currently limited in scope by the relatively small number of registered restaurants. A search for my area yielded about 18 restaurants, mostly fast food joints or chains where I would never set foot. And the healthy menu choices are pretty depressing; mostly chicken salads. But there are a few surprises. The Italian place offered a frutta di mare which was delicious and pretty healthy, although I still don’t believe they really served us the whole wheat pasta I requested. Plus, you have to police your portion size pretty strictly. But as more restaurants register (or if life is not worth living if you can’t eat at Burger King every once in a while), HealthyDiningFinder.com could turn out to be a real find for dieting diners.

Tomorrow (the 18th) is our anniversary (eight years). Originally, we wanted to go hiking at Lost Maples State Natural Area, home to the most fall color you’ll see in Texas, but unfortunately it’s an overnight trip and since I leave for a week in San Antone on Friday, another overnighter was just not in the cards. There’s just too much to do, including getting my dresses hemmed, teaching a bunch of rescheduled voice lessons, and helping the local Girl Scout troop out with their Stage Makeup Merit Badge. So, we’re opting to relax instead and get a massage, followed by dinner at one of our favorite local seafood places. But, you see where this is heading --- a LOT of eating out this week, and Thanksgiving nearly upon us! And I still don’t know what the situation with the hotel is going to be. It seems I must call in the morning to ascertain the availability of a mini-fridge, which would make my life easier; though I could always make do with a cooler. I’ve done it before, and since we’re driving to San Antonio, packing is not an issue. I intend to go in full diva mode, complete with train of bellboys. Ahem.

I do know that the hotel has workout facilities, and San Antonio is a walking-friendly city (in places, at least). So I’ll be covered there. This is important, because I read a blurb in Health Magazine about a study done at the University of Pittsburgh, which states that women who lose 10% of their body weight (I’ve lost 40%) have to exercise 55 minutes a day, five days a week to maintain their loss.  The study subjects who were successful in maintaining their weight losses kept the training schedule up for two years.  Yikes! I’d better step it up; I’ve been slacking ever so slightly lately, and we can’t have that. I want to EAT on Turkey Day!

KEEPING THE WIN

Hurrah! The scale is being much more cooperative this month and showed me a new low this morning. This puts me at a total of 123.9 pounds down, and 34 to go to reach my goal. No doubt yesterday’s metabolism boost helped a lot. I did a full hour on the elliptical yesterday, and it felt really good (except for the fact that my favorite section of the paper was missing … some annoying person keeps removing ALL of that particular section from the various copies of the paper provided by my gym).  Then, Eric and I did our usual walk (aka The Loop, an hour-and-twenty minute jaunt around the trail) complete with 100 crunches and 45 tricep dips. Banish the bingo wings!

This evening, we are going out to dinner at a favorite seafood place.  It’s an unexpected indulgence, meaning I didn’t get to plan for it days in advance, so I am going to try to eat very modestly for the next two days, having several small snacks throughout the day rather than meals. I want to enjoy myself at dinner! I’m cutting out calories at each meal/snack rather than skip eating altogether. For example, for breakfast this morning, I had my usual yogurt and fruit, but I left out the nuts (saving close to 200 calories right there). For lunch, I plan to fill up on carrot sticks and eat smaller portions of everything else. The dinner tonight will have lots of hidden fat and salt, so I want to cut that out as much as possible the rest of the day. I am also going to do two short but intense exercise sessions; a half hour on the elliptical this morning, and a walk with crunches in the evening.

We went to this particular restaurant about this time last year. I had been on Beck for about a month and it was one of our first indulgence meals. I wore my favorite fire-engine red wrap dress, long since passed on to another young diva, but at the time it made me feel tres sexy. According to my journal, I ate a little past fullness, but was back on track the next day. This time, I really will make an effort not to eat past fullness.

A year later, my overall strategy hasn’t changed much; it’s worked so far! Wearing a great dress is part of it. Dressing up makes you feel special, and is a reward in itself, especially if the dress is a smaller size.  I am going to wear that gorgeous teal cocktail dress (smallest size in my closet right now) to remind myself of how far I’ve come and how much I enjoy being slimmer.

We’ve already discussed splitting an appetizer and dessert, and I am planning on bringing home part of my meal. Eric said, “Of course, it’s easy to say that now”, but I have found that if I go into a tempting situation with a battle plan, I am much more likely to refrain from overdoing it.  If I were not still trying to lose weight, it wouldn’t be a big deal; I probably wouldn’t undertake any stringent measures. But I am still battling the scale down, bit by bit, and I don’t want to lose headway. There’s travel coming up at the end of the month; I have to be prepared.

As I move closer to my goal, I have begun to become aware that there are going to be changes. I will always have to be vigilant about my weight; what I don’t know is how vigilant. My trainer says I will not need to eat as much food at a lower weight, and that worries me because I’m pretty happy with the amount I’m eating right now and would find it difficult to cut back even more. Also, I’m pretty happy with the amount of time I am devoting to exercise on a daily basis. I might have to learn to work out more efficiently, though, and burn more calories in the same amount of time.

On the one hand, I feel that my new habits are pretty well entrenched. I don’t eat as much. It’s rare that I overeat. I make much better choices and am mostly happy with them.  I don’t miss eating at fast food places, but I would like to be able to eat out once in a while without worrying about the impact on the scale --- and that’s one thing that being on maintenance will do.

On the other hand, I feel that it would be easy to let my habits slip. It's easy to get distracted, to tell yourself "it doesn't matter just this once". But Just This Once becomes Just This Twice and pretty soon it's Just This Fortieth Time and then you're back to square one.

I am very determined that that is not going to happen. Even skinny people have to watch what they eat. Even skinny people have to make choices. It may be harder for me to make the healthier choice, but I can do it. Maintaining my success is going to be a little bit of work every single day of my life, and some days I will do it better than others. But perfection should never be the goal, only persistence.

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PASSINGS

The end of September is a very significant time of year for me.

September 25, 2008 was the one-year anniversary of my starting Beck. It was a tough time. One of my very dearest and closest friends had been in the hospital for most of the month, and was not doing well. I was struggling with whether I should try to go from my audition trip in New York to visit him in Sarasota. One of the last times we spoke, I asked if he wanted me to come, and he said, “I would hate to never see you again.” But now he was unconscious, intubated, and I didn’t know whether the family would welcome me or if I’d be in the way.

I was just beginning a voice lesson when Gary’s agent phoned me to tell me the awful news that my funny, handsome, brilliant, loyal, aggravating, talented, phenomenal friend had passed away. Of course, I cried. I called my husband. My wonderful voice teacher, Gregory, suggested we cancel, but more than anything, I wanted to sing. I asked to work on the gorgeous Lux Aeternam from my favorite work, the Verdi Requiem. The Verdi was the last piece Gary and I sang together (you can hear me sing it here; unfortunately, not with Gary. As far as I know, there is no recording of that performance).

What I did not do, thanks to Beck, was medicate with food. I ate on plan, and I lost weight. Gary would have been proud. I didn’t do this for him, or for anyone or any reason other than it’s what I need and what I want, but he would have been proud. You see, ever since we met, Gary had been a little on the chunky side himself, until the last few years of his life when he completely remade his body and became a personal trainer. He was in the best shape of his life at the time of his death, when I was at my worst, and he had been gently encouraging me to do something about it.

On September 25, 2007, I picked up the Beck Diet Solution for the first time and, in a matter of speaking, have never put it down. Today, one year later (and just back from a four-day trip to New York!), I have lost one hundred and twenty pounds and come down at least six dress sizes. I am in very good shape, getting better all the time. I have muscle tone. I have endurance. The back pain I used to wake up with every morning is gone. My knees haven't gone on strike for a year. My diabetes is almost 100% reversed. But most importantly, I am in control of my eating and my food cravings.  To paraphrase an old dieting chestnut, no food tastes as good as this feels.

Oh. And when I mentioned to Eric that it was the one-year anniversary of my being on Beck, he said, “Great! Let’s celebrate! How about a cheeseburger? Let’s stuff our pieholes!”

Naughty boy!