The Next Hundred Pounds

WHO TAKES THE GOLD FOR T&A AND HAIR?

So, I've been out for a while (again), the spammers are starting to heat up the comments section with their thinly-disguised, misspelled, pathetic attempts to sell their latest dose of snakeoil, and I was thinking it was time to do a "why I've hardly blogged for the past four weeks" post. Don't worry (I know you were waiting with bated breath), I'll get to that. But first, there will be some ranting, because there is something I am REALLY pissed off about.

The Olympics. And specifically, what some people are saying about the women athletes. You know, the women athletes like the US Women's Gymnastics Team, who took the gold with top scores in three out of four events (floor, vault, and beam) and yet are being sniped at for their hairstyles, their uniforms, and --- probably the worst yet --- being "mean girls". Or how about the focus on the beach volleyball players' magnificently toned T&A? There are entire websites dedicated to this. Bravo to Nate Jones for calling the photogs on their ass-obsession.

Possibly the most egregious criticism of women athletes comes from a Turkish journalist --- not exactly a prime specimen of beautiful manhood himself --- who saw fit to complain in print about how the  Olympics are "killing womanhood" by forcing female athletes to make themselves look like men in order to be successful. Because, of course, women are supposed to be soft and round and big-boobed;  muscules are for men. Because, of course, this backward idjit has never heard of a sports bra and is unfamiliar with the concept that a woman might not look like a Hollywood starlet when she's  running a marathon or lifting weights or WINNING A FUCKING GOLD MEDAL. 'Scuse my French.

Because, of course, how a woman looks always, ALWAYS is more important than her achievements. And if she doesn't measure up to ANY other human being's personal ideal of beauty and femininity, she is, on some level, a failure. A woman's appearance is ALWAYS a valid topic of conversation.

And there is no doubt in my mind that this attitude contributes to our personal feelings about our bodies, about our own self-directed fat hate and unrealistic self-criticism. There's no doubt that it gets in the way of our success. Part of it is simple reality --- I won't be hired to play certain roles, because I don't physically fit the conventional idea of what those roles embody --- and part of it is the kind of reality that deserves to be called out, each and every time it happens.

I can't control what kinds of roles I'm marketable for, but I can call out sexism when I hear it and see it. I can refuse to dis other women's bodies or even to let seemingly harmless statements such as, "Wow! You look great!" be the first thing that comes out of my mouth when I greet a female friend. It's not easy. We're so conditioned to do it, and yet we MUST struggle against these insidious forms of sexism for the sake of our daughters, nieces, young friends, and all the women who come after us, so they can live in a world where they are NOT judged first and foremost on their appearances. Where their own personal gold medals count more than what their hair looked like the day they won them.

On a personal level, relating back to my own health and fitness, part of the daily struggle is learning to be kinder to myself and to find the important balance between what I can and should be doing for myself, and pushing so hard that it becomes impossible to achieve that. But that's a topic for another day.

So, as much as I applaud Gabby Douglas for the hard work and discipline and long hours that led her her gold medals, I applaud her even more for telling the media, "I'm like, `I just made history and people are focused on my hair?' ... Nothing is going to change. You might as well just stop talking about it."

You go, young lady. You just go.

ON LIMITATIONS

I'm having a sort of crappy day, energy-wise, and it really pisses me off.  Everything's been great for a week, and bam! Today is a weepy, fatigued day, and I don't feel up to walking, which makes me mad. It's got to be hormonal. But I'm going to try not to stress about it; instead, I made an appointment to see my gynecologist, and next week I have a physical scheduled. It's pretty cold today anyway, so I'll stay in and ride the stationary bike later.

Meanwhile, there's been some great inspiration floating around the interwebs today. I love this post from Joshilyn Jackson, especially since I am usually the fattest girl in yoga class (even after having lost weight), and I especially love that my skinny Bikram-lovin' friend Chuck is the one who posted in on his FaceBook status, bringing it to my attention. I don't practice yoga as often as I'd like, but one of the things I was kind of thrilled to figure out about myself after years of Fat Yoga followed by Not So Fat Yoga is that my bendiness and/or ability to easily accomplish certain asanas has a lot less to do with how much weight I'm carrying and a lot more with how my body is put together. I've always been pretty bendy. On a good day, I can touch my nose to my knees from a standing position, and I can do the splits, and I could do them when I weighed over 300 pounds. My downward dog is great, despite chronically tight hamstrings. But I have never, ever been able to do that thing where you jump your feet up next to your hands or step your leg through to runner's pose. I can do a great, low lunge from a standing position, but I can't step through very far --- I always have to put a hand on my ankle and move the foot up, which if you practice yoga regularly, is SO ANNOYING. I always thought this was due to my fatness, but now I know that it's because I am simply not flexible through the hips, not in that direction. Anyway, this article was a great reminder that WE ARE NOT OUR FAT. It doesn't rule us and it doesn't have to limit us, if we don't let it.

In a world where we are so often reminded of our imperfections, mostly as a way to make us BUY MORE STUFF, I found this video not only funny but inspiring.

 

Don't get me wrong; I like makeup as much or more than the next girl; I get my hairs did; I love mani/pedis and facials and fancy shower gels and creams that promise all sorts of things but don't really do much more than feel and smell good; and quite honestly, at this point if I could afford to have everything that sagged tightened up, I'd totally do it.  There's nothing wrong in trying to look your best. But there is something wrong in being desperate about it. All this stuff should be FUN and if it's not, it's not worth doing. Besides which, if you are over 40 your goal should not be to look young --- it should be to look fresh. Current, age-appropriate clothes and makeup, complexion glowing from drinking lots of water and plenty of fresh air and exercise,  a good attitude, and lots of interests in life and the people around you will make you beautiful and fascinating until the day you die.

You are enough. Don't let anybody --- especially people who are trying to get in your pants (to get your wallet, or anything else, for that matter) --- tell you otherwise.

 

 

 

 

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION AND A REPORT

Do me a favor, folks.

Go to this link, read the rules, and nominate The Next 100 Pounds as your favorite blog in the Best Health or Wellness category. You have to make at least three nominations for yours to count, so if you don't have any other favorite blogs, may I suggest:

Dr. Grumpy for the Best Humor category.

Stonekettle Station for the Best Weblog about Politics Category (but only if you're progressive or open to hearing views not your own, please, because otherwise this site might give you an aneurysm).

Veterinarians Behaving Badly for the Best Pet or Animal Weblog category.

I'd really appreciate the vote. I don't do a lot of publicizing of this site, and it'd be great to get more hits.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled program.

If you've been following along, you know that over the holidays I was experiencing a worrying amount of fatigue, so much so that I finally made a doctor's appointment.  Ironically, the day I visited the doctor was the day I started to feel MUCH better, and have continued doing so. But my EKG  was completely normal. My heart's in good shape; my blood pressure was great; the bloodwork just came back completely normal which means my greatest worry of all, that my Type II Diabetes was reasserting itself, was not founded.

I'm still planning on going in for a physical to rule out anything else, but on reflection,  I'm pretty sure it was the effects of longterm stress. This year has marked a big change in lifestyle for me, with a lot more travel and a great deal more rushing around; for five or six gigs in a row I literally ran off the stage at the final performance and jumped on an airplane to get to my next gig, sometimes flying overnight to make it. It's no news to anyone that the economy sucks and that has had some major implications for my industry --- opera companies are continuing to close left and right, and the ones that are hanging in there are heavily into cost-cutting mode. We've had our share of tension over jobs and money in my household, like just about everyone else in the world. And to be perfectly honest, there's been a sort of  Catch-22 centering around the stress of weight gain and lack of motivation to work out, which in turn contribute to the general stress level.

But, the important thing is to keep working on it, and I feel I have been doing that, and am finally starting to get back on track. Yesterday I cooked up a big mess of kale and it was so good that that is all I had for dinner. I ate two bunches of kale and it was delicious. I bought lots of veggies at the grocery store on Sunday, and am bringing no refined carbs into the house whatsoever.

So there is it. There is nothing magical about it --- it's a day in, day out slog and sometimes it's better than others. Find the tools that help you and don't be discouraged if you have a bad moment --- it doesn't have to become a bad day. And a bad day doesn't have to become a bad week. And even if it does, you can recover from that. All you have to do is start over, as many times as it takes.

Every one of them counts.

 

 

NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER

It should come as no surprise to anyone that you can't really trust what people who are trying to sell you something say about their products.  Ultimately, they are there for one thing only: to get your money; and while they may not (or in plenty of cases, may) outright lie about their product, they certainly are going to present it in the very best possible light, obfuscating anything negative as far as the law allows. And the law is often pretty flexible about this.

Nowhere is this as insidious as in the realm of food and medicines.  Marketing  techniques are  specially designed by experts to appeal, to make a product seem not only delicious but so good for you. And sometimes, it's fine --- if you eat the right amount. But the people selling you the product don't WANT you to eat one serving. They want you to eat lots and lots, and buy more. So they trick you with package design and buzzwords.

Bottom line, it's not enough to read labels --- you have to know how to intepret them. And here is a great little article to help you avoid some of the nasty tricks the food industry pulls on its customers, ranging from downplaying serving size to sneaking transfat under the radar. Just another reason we're all better off shopping in the produce, dairy, and meat aisles --- or better yet, the farmer's market.

There's an article in the NY Times making the rounds, The Fat Trap. I was interviewed for this article but my material didn't make it in (no big deal, that sort of thing happens a lot, and it was lovely to speak to Tara Parker-Pope again). I am not convinced of the usefulness of the study Dr. Proietto did --- he had people on a 500-calorie a day diet of Optifast shakes and low-starch veggies for 8 weeks. How big a surprise is it that the weight came back on when they started to eat normally?

The article could be rather depressing, if you hone in on its message of how difficult it is to lose and keep off weight if you've ever once been fat, and the evidence presented that many people may even be genetically inclined to fatness. But it's not an insurmountable condition, and I find hope in the findings of the National Weight Loss Registry, which tracks those who have maintained a loss of 30 pounds or more for a year or longer. Parker-Pope writes, "Registry members exercise about an hour or more each day — the average weight-loser puts in the equivalent of a four-mile daily walk, seven days a week. They get on a scale every day in order to keep their weight within a narrow range. They eat breakfast regularly. Most watch less than half as much television as the overall population. They eat the same foods and in the same patterns consistently each day and don’t “cheat” on weekends or holidays. They also appear to eat less than most people, with estimates ranging from 50 to 300 fewer daily calories."

So there you have it --- a sort of a sensible guideline for what you need to do to maintain. But what none of the commercial weight loss programs, diet books, or trainers prepare you for is how incredibly difficult it is to maintain. I know this first hand, and have been struggling, hard, for the past several months. When I first started losing weight, I was working out two hours almost every day --- usually an hour walk combined with some kind of heavier cardio such as an hour on the elliptical. Like Janice Bridge, a National Weight Loss Registry participant Parker-Pope describes in her article, I was strict about my food plan, weigh ins, exercise, and countering indulgences to the point of obsession. And that is what it takes for someone like me. It's an enormous amount of energy to expend every single day, not to mention time.

I became fatigued by this routine, and one of the things I've been coming to terms with is that I can no longer maintain two hours of day of exercise, at least not in the long term. I can do some exercise almost every day, though. Sometimes it's just "found" exercise --- parking the car in the farthest spot and walking, taking the stairs, making an extra trip to walk to the mailbox down the street instead of stopping on the way home in the car. Other days it's planned sessions, and in the short term, as I try to get back on track, I'm adding in some extra through daily walks.

I also can do better with my eating. If the research is correct, it's actually physically harder for me to maintain a weight loss. I have to exercise MORE to get the same calorie benefit as someone the same size who has never been overweight; and I have to eat significantly fewer calories to maintain my loss.

This isn't happy news, but here's the thing --- I think we have to look at it as part of the cross we have to bear, so to speak. Everybody has stuff they have to deal with. I'd rather be genetically inclined to fat than genetically inclined to stupidity. It may not be easy, but I can manage fatness. There's only so much you can do to manage stupidity.

And the Fat Trap is just another reason to focus on health and fitness over weight. I know I am never going to be a size 10. I don't care. But I do want to run a marathon. I do want toned arms and abs. I do want a healthy heart and normal blood pressure. Those are goals I can work towards, and as I wrote yesterday, weight loss is a result of working towards fitness goals. In my quest to find what is sustainable, I'm happier than ever about my decision to take weight loss off the front burner and concentrate on fitness.

Hey ... never give up, never surrender, right?

 

FAT BIGOTRY FROM MAURA KELLY AND MARIE CLAIRE

Shame, shame, shame on Marie Claire and especially on writer Maura Kelly, who affirmatively answers her own question in her fat-bashing "Should Fatties Get a Room (Even on TV)?" Kelly apparently feels she needs eyeball bleach after watching a show called Mike &  Molly, which centers around a couple whose romance blossoms after an encounter at an OA meeting. I myself have never seen the show, but apparently it dares to present these obese people as --- can you believe it --- HAVING LIVES! Being in love! Kissing and stuff! How dare it show fat people as doing anything other than sitting on the couch stuffing their faces, being somebody's funny sidekick, or being rude and mean and miserable!

Kelly writes: "My initial response was: Hmm, being overweight is one thing — those people are downright obese! And while I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity!"

That's right. According to Kelly, showing fat people living normal lives is promoting obesity. She goes on to admit that it would indeed "gross her out" to see a very, very fat person just walk across the room, let alone make out on TV. But she's not a fat bigot, oh, no. She actually has some fat friends! Lucky them! And she'll even give you some nutrition and exercise advice, because as a recovering anorexic, she knows that "obesity is something most people have a ton of control over" (TON- get it? Ha ha!), and besides, we all know the reason you're fat is because you don't know a thing about dieting and exercise.

Well, Maura Kelly, as someone who was obese and still is overweight by BMI standards, as someone has had a great deal of hot dirty monkey sex while weighing over three hundred pounds, let me tell you what disgusts me. You disgust me, thoroughly. You think you're superior, that you have a better life, that you know more, that you're hipper and cuter and somehow more deserving just because you aren't fat. You think the fact that you aren't fat means that you are somehow qualified to give advice to people who are. You think that people who don't adhere to your own shallow standards should make every effort to live their lives out of your view, so as not to offend your delicate sensibilities. Furthermore, in your sad little Sex in the City sound-bite existence, you thought it was cute to write absolutely hateful words about it in a frothy little magazine article.You, madam, are the very definition of a bigot. An uneducated bigot, at that. But then, most bigots are uneducated about the focus of their bigotry.

Kelly does update her article with what seems to be a heartfelt apology, regretting her insensitivity and admitting that what she said was not productive. But it's too late: she's outed herself as a fat bigot, and an ignorant one at that.

The article has ignited a firestorm of responses, which I haven't the energy to read (I glanced at them; it's the usual mixture of hate mail addressed to the writer,  bickering , and plenty more hate from the "Nyah Nyah Fatty" types). This post is my response, but I am also going to write Marie Claire, with which I am thoroughly disgusted. I always thought they were a cut above when it came to women's magazines, and this far from their finest hour.

This type of bigotry and public fat-bashing does a great deal of damage. We must call the bullies and the bigots out. Gay bullying has been in the news a lot lately, and there has been a marvelous campaign supporting GLBT youth, but where is the campaign for all the fat kids made miserable by bullying, which this type of article completely supports? NO bullying is acceptable.

We, who have chosen to battle our demons with food and eating, cannot take it to heart. Yes, call the bigots out, but recognize them for what they are: small people, riddled with their own insecurities and poverty of the soul. We can, quite literally and figuratively, be bigger than they; and one way to do that is to go on with our own lives and live well.

For me, that means pursuing my opera career, writing, and continuing to work hard on my physical fitness and health. I actually enjoy it. I enjoy pushing myself physically and mentally. I think that's one reason I love opera so much; it is an all-encompassing art form that demands everything from you, every last drop of your strength and talent and intelligence and humanity and training; and then it demands that you offer it to other people like some sort of holy sacrifice. But you receive your rewards tenfold.

I wish I had it in me to push myself physically the way my friend Robin Flynn does --- that's my aspiration. One day, I would love to run (or stumble, or crawl) a marathon, just to be able to say I'd done it.  Having very concrete goals (and deadlines!) is very useful for --- well, any accomplishment you hope to achieve, but certainly in weight loss and in changing your fitness lifestyle.

I mentioned that there would be another challenge coming up, and so there shall. I'm going to give another couple of days for the 10x10-25 Challengers to report in, and for a roundup and announcement of the winner. Then I'll announce the next challenge. In the meantime, let's all be thinking about our next goals. What do we most need to do? What are the essential little steps to getting ther? What are we willing to do?

And last but not least, here's a challenge we can all undertake right away: give some thought to a bigot or bully you might encounter regularly in your life, or imagine meeting one by chance. How will you call that person out on their bigotry? How will you stand up for yourself, or someone else --- maybe someone you've never met? How will you help make bullying and bigotry of any kind as socially unacceptable as using the "n" word? That's what we have to do, folks, and it's an eminently achievable.

DEFENDING HEALTHY CHOICES

I just watched the second episode of Jamie Oliver's new show, Food Revolution, and I am just gobsmacked that:

1. Six year olds, presented with a variety of very common vegetables, could not correctly name a single one;

and

2. Children in the West Virginia town of Huntington, and who knows, perhaps across the nation, are not given forks and knives with which to eat. They eat with their fingers or a spoon.

Chef Jamie's got his work cut out for him, and it's clear that he had no idea what he was getting into. I don't think he was at all prepared for the suspicion and hostility with which the town's redneck population would greet a furriner with a funny accent who they perceive as being there to "tell them how to live their lives".  This is not to say that all the locals are hostile rednecks, but there are a fair number. And to be completely fair, there are hostiles who clearly aren't rednecks, and rednecks who clearly aren't hostile. But the obstacles seem overwhelming. Many people are very set in their ways and extremely defensive about changing; and they are defensive about their food.

I can understand being defensive about my food, and about others being critical about what I eat. I understand because I spent so many years feeling that way. Why did I feel that way? Because I'm not stupid. I knew I was not eating as healthfully as I should, and it was reflected in my body. I didn't need to be told I was fat and unhealthy. I knew it. I just didn't want to accept it. And perhaps most importantly, I did not want my comfort taken away. I didn't know what would replace it.

It's not easy to make major lifestyle changes. There are reasons we get to be the way we are. But when something that is not good for us takes over our lives and informs every single decision we make, that is simply unacceptable. We are not free then; we are enslaved. And it does not have to be that way.

We do not have to accept poor health, especially when much of it is based in what we eat and how we move (or fail to move). It's a bad health decision, it's a bad financial decision, it's a bad spiritual and quality of life decision. But to change, we first have to admit that there is a problem. We have to commit to educating ourselves about nutrition and exercise, and I don't mean from commercial or even government sources. Government information on nutrition is extremely biased and influenced by lobbies. And you can't trust the people who are making money off you to tell you unbiased truth about the products they sell. Of course they are going to cast it in the best possible light, and the less scrupulous ones are going to do their best to obscure facts, or downright lie.

Each one of us has to take responsibility for our own health and education. And we have a responsibility to pass good information and habits on to the children in our lives. I don't have kids of my own, but I hope that when my nieces and nephews see how we eat and exercise, it will influence them. I hope when they stay with us and see that our pantry has no junk food, and that when the family as a whole goes to a fast food place Aunt Cindy doesn't eat, they will ask questions.

I'll be keeping an eye on Oliver's Food Revolution. I'm rooting for him. The issue of good food goes so far beyond taste; it really reaches into every aspect of life and of society. I believe that only good can come of making better health a top priority. Go, Jamie!

BEST IN SHOW

What fun! Head on over to That's Fit and check out Melissa Joulwan's "Weight Loss Success Stories: Best of 2009". Yours truly is featured there as one of the "Most Inspiring" (you'll have to click through the photos; I'm about the 5th one in). There's also a link to Bethany Sanders' longer blurb about me and this blog, written last year.

Reading what was written about me almost a full year ago, I realize something very important. While I haven't yet lost that extra thirty pounds and while I still agonize and work towards it daily, I've actually maintained my weight loss for over a year. Sure, there's been a little up and down on the scale, but I am in the same size clothing I was a year ago. And that's a huge accomplishment. Besides, I'm definitely ahead in the fitness department. A year ago I could not have run for half a mile, let alone 5K --- which I now do regularly.

So, I'm happy about both of those things. My eating is much looser than it was two years ago, or even one year ago, but my weight is about the same. Running has opened up a whole new world of exercise to me. I enjoy it even when I don't enjoy it --- even when it seems, as it has lately, that I am hauling a booty and thighs made of cast iron, even when five minutes into the run I realize this one is going to be a chore and I'm going to do the whole thing shuffling like a granny (while the real grannies pass me on the trail, as they do). These days I can hardly drag myself to the gym, but I am always disappointed if schedule or the weather nix a run.

Often I worry about how my weight management has changed. Other times, I think it's an evolutionary thing. I had an extremely narrow and fierce focus for two solid years, and maybe it 's just not possible to hold on longer than that if you want to be able to focus on other things in your life just as fiercely. I'm not making excuses; at least I hope I'm not. I'm trying to figure out what comes next, how to keep fitness and health a priority every single day. The desire to eat too much of the wrong things is a wolf that never stops prowling outside my door. Every single day, I have to make decisions to keep that wretched beast out. Sometimes he gets a paw or his whole snout in, but for the most part, it's just a lot of annoying howling.

And I am still, still not giving up on that last thirty pounds. This time next year, I've got an important gig, and I would like nothing better than to sashay through the door in a pair of designer jeans two sizes smaller than what is currently clothing my cast iron behind. I don't do New Year's resolutions, but a long time ago, my dear friend Anna Cox Havron introduced me to the concept of New Year's themes. Around this time of year I generally begin to ponder what that theme should be. 2010, I'm thinking, may end up being the Year of Finishing What You Started.

MEDIA ALERT!

Media alert! Back in February, I was interviewed by a radio program called Sound Medicine, produced by the Indiana University School of Medicine. The show is going to air on April 26, and you can listen on their website and even download it to your ITunes. Fun fact: the producer is a big opera fan, and plans to come hear me in Das Rheingold in Indianapolis. That's my next gig after Dialogues of the Carmelites.  Speaking of Dialogues, we have two more performances, this Friday, April 24 and Sunday, April 26. You can see some clips from our production and a few photos here.

It's been a while since I posted any recipes, and this really isn't a recipe ... it's just what I had for lunch. Thanks to a coupon for a free pound of shrimp from my grocery store, we're eatin' high on the ...er... crustacean ... today.

First, lunch. I threw some garlic, fresh basil, sundried tomatoes, and olives into the food processor and made a little tapenade. Mixed with a little olive oil, about two tablespoons of this served as a nice marinade for half the shrimp. We grilled them along with some zucchini, onions, and mushrooms. Then we spread the remaining tapenade on two pieces of naan, stacked on the veggies along with some slices of fresh tomato and goat cheese, and toasted it in the oven, adding the shrimp for the last couple of minutes of heating. Voila, gourmet pizza.

For dinner, I'm making ginger basil lime garlic shrimp wraps. More garlic, more basil, and a piece of fresh ginger went into the food processor, and then I patted the mixture on the shrimp along with some sesame oil and fresh lime juice. After they'd soaked for a while, we grilled those, too. Meanwhile, I chopped raw radish, cucumber, carrot, zucchini, and cashews into small strips and/or chunks, and we will have these with the shrimp rolled inside leaves of butter (Boston) lettuce. Mmm!

But now, it's off to the gym. I had another late night dinner with the cast, which is not at all good for the waistline, and if I'm going to do that sort of thing there must be extra gym time the next day. It's really hard to resist the camaraderie and harder to resist the food. Now that I've lost most of the weight, I can manage it as long as I make up for it over the next few days. But if I really want the scale to start moving down again, I'll have to work harder.