The Next Hundred Pounds

OF TRAVEL, TOURISM, AND TROLLS

It's been a really crazy week! On Saturday, I took my last TRX class and sadly said a last goodbye to all the wonderful women at Ironflower Fitness. The staff gifted me with a goodie bag with a towel, water bottle, and itsy-bitsy tank top (which I actually can get on, but would not wear outside the house, at least not yet).  I will miss them,  and I'll really miss that kickboxing class and the TRX class! I hope I can find something equally cool at my next gig, Princeton.

I am already missing the daily workouts. Between the show and a crazy travel schedule, the only workout I did this week was a whole lot of yardwork --- mowing, pruning, planting, hauling limbs and sacks of debris. You see, I had a few days off between shows, and couldn't resist the opportunity to go home, especially since I'll only be there for about two weeks before the next gig. So I flew in, got a few Dachshund saliva facials, did some errands and yardwork, picked my husband up at the airport, and yesterday morning we got on a plane back to Miami for my last two shows. On Sunday, we start the drive home.

I've decided to make the most of the drive by doing short, intense sets of cardio or strength at each pit stop. So if you see a crazy woman doing burpees and air squats at a rest stop in Mississippi, or taking a couple of laps around one in Louisiana, that might be me. Honk as you drive by. Better yet, stop and join me!

There may not have been much exercise this week, but I've done very well with sticking to my program of no grains and very restricted sugar. It's not an issue when eating at home; the only difficulty I have in staying on program is when eating out in restaurants where you're presented with so many carbalicious choices. There, I just do the best I can to choose veggies, protein, and fruit, and skip bread, rice, potatoes, and all the little extras like croutons. I'm not saying a few French fries haven't found their way into the ol'piehole or that I don't have a meal "off" or two per week, but I'm focusing on filling up the plate with veggies and protein, and letting the grains and desserts be more in the way of "tastes" than full portions. It's working. It's completely satisfying.

Today, some friends and I were big ol' tourists and took an airboat ride in the Everglades. It was magnificent! We saw lots of birds and gators, and it was just really cool to be flying over what looked like a regular field ... except that it was a shallow river full of sawgrass.

We even held a baby alligator named Snappy.

I am almost done with my Florida experience (for now! I sure hope I'll get to come back!) and am happy to be heading back to spend a couple of weeks at home. I have enjoyed both opera houses, both casts, and both shows I've gotten to sing here; and of course, who wouldn't love Florida's beautiful outdoors! All the hiking, biking, and exploring have been amazing. Sarasota and Miami are completely different cities, but there is much to love about both of them. Yes, it's been a good experience here.

But it hasn't been perfect --- what is --- and there was a little incident last night which was really upsetting. It shouldn't be. It's no news that for some people, the Internet is a license to behave like a mannerless moron and to let any idiocy that springs to mind dribble from their fingertips onto the screen; things most of them would never have the moxie to say to your face. And in this case, it's compounded by that strange idea people have that anyone who is in the public eye --- no matter how remotely --- is somehow not a real human being, and is open to any kind of comment or criticism. This sort of thing does not happen to me very often. I'm not a celebrity of any kind in the opera world (I like to think of myself as an in-the-trenches sort of singer, slogging away and having a nice career, but unlikely to ever be famous). Still, it happens that sooner or later, anyone who is in the public eye even a little bit is going to be on the receiving end of uninformed, unsolicited, or simply uncomplimentary commentary from the general public. The internet makes this very easy. In this case, these casually nasty comments were hurtful because they were directed at my appearance. Hit a sensitive spot. Talking about it actually helps me get over it and move on. There is not really anything to be done anyway (it never helps to respond to such people and be dragged down into their dirt) except to recognize it for what it is and turn it around however you can. In my case, I'm getting it off my chest and moving on. And thinking about buying a punching bag, so I can continue those satisfying kickboxing workouts at home ...

ADIEU

It started out as a wonderful day.

I picked Eric up at the Fort Lauderdale airport, and after a delicious lunch at the Rustic Inn Crab House, where we were entertained by the hordes of iguanas patrolling the shipyard across the canal, we headed out to hike at River Bend Park.

It was a gorgeous day, not very hot at all, with a nice breeze blowing. We were greeted by some very handsome peacocks, who were happy to be admired, and would have been happier yet had our admiration extended to the offering of treats.

Sadly, we were treatless, so we apologized and headed off on our hike. It wasn't very strenuous, since everything was flat and well-paved with crushed shells, but it was quite pleasant.

The trees were full of colorful red bromeliads --- a very large one nearly fell on our heads, probably blown off its perch by the strong breeze.

The lake boasted a full complement of Florida birds, including these beautiful  snowy egrets, wood storks, ibises, and even a solitary roseate spoonbill.

The wood stork flees.

A lovely pair of ibises.

The beautiful roseate spoonbill!

We tromped around for about five miles, enjoying the solitude and quiet, as well as the gorgeous jungle-like tropical scenery.

So, it was good exercise, in a lovely spot --- my favorite combination! By the time we reached the car, it was late afternoon, and we weren't quite ready to brave the traffic. We decided to visit another nearby park, Jonathan Dickinson. It's quite different in character, a lot of sand pine scrub,  which may be traditional Florida landscape but quite frankly isn't very pretty. We were ready for a bit of a rest by now, but we did climb to the top of the observation tower, which afforded a nice panoramic view of the park, the Intracoastal Waterway, Jupiter Island, and the ocean.

And it was here that we finally got a phone signal and received a call from Eric's mom in France, telling us that his dad had suffered a massive stroke, was in a coma, and was not expected to wake up.

We headed back to Miami in shock and grief, trying to figure out the best course of action. I had a show Tuesday night, which Eric was planning to attend, and then we were planning a short trip to Key West before my next performance. When we got up on Tuesday, we heard from my mother-in-law again: Daniel had passed away.Tuesday was spent canceling reservations, rearranging plane tickets, and then I had to go to the show. I only told the conductor, who is a friend, and the stage manager ---  if people had been coming up to me offering condolences all night, I never would have been able to get through the performance.  And I got through it.

Wednesday morning I got up early and put Eric on a plane back to Austin; and today he headed off to France.  This is one of the difficult things about my line of work: I can't go. I need to stay here and finish out my contract. And that's what I'm doing. I've done all I can for my husband and mother-in-law for the moment, except to stay here and keep earning my paycheck. It's not pretty but that's the way it is.

Yesterday evening, after pretty much crying all day, I dragged myself to the gym and took Afro Belly Samba class, which turned out to be a perfect mood lifter as well as great cardio. It's hard to be upset when you're wearing a jingly red silk coin belt and shaking everything you've got. Compared to the other slender little ladies in class, I looked more like a football player running tires than an exotic Brazilian dancer shimmying gracefully, but it was fun.

This morning, it was kickboxing and TRX again. Magda has no mercy and we started class with jumping jacks and a run around the block. It's been quite a while since I ran any distance and true to form, I finished last. It's harder to run with extra weight, for sure. But I can keep plodding on. Class was really hard today. It's always tough, but I guess because of the emotional strain I was more tired than usual and also a bigger emotional mess. That's right, more feelings of inadequacy, more embarrassment at being praised for my fat ass being able to do push-ups, and more surreptitious tears. But I did better at fighting it off, and I kept going. I worked harder. I am determined not to eat this grief, not to let it stop me from working out, not to let it be an excuse. And I have done some comfort eating, but I have not pigged out, and I haven't splurged at every meal. It wasn't perfect but it was better than I might have done in the past.

This is a time of great sadness and stress for my family. I will miss my brilliant, funny father-in-law, Daniel. I'll miss his eagerness to try anything new, miss having to babysit him when we toured sites (because he was the absent-minded professor type, and would become absorbed in something, wander off and get lost if he wasn't watched). I'll miss his absolute delight at all things Texan, especially how excited he was to visit the Alamo and the state Capitol and meet a real, live Texas Ranger. He was beside himself on the last trip when we took them to the Texas Ranger museum in Waco. The way he used to talk to himself under his breath as we drove, remarking on exciting things he saw and reading signs out loud in his heavy French accent. "TexAHSS! Rahn-jairs!" (Texas Rangers!) "West-chest-AIR!" (The name of our subdivision ... he never failed to say it when we passed the gates). He remains the only person I have ever heard actually say "Oh-la-la!" and not sound silly, though I much prefer the expression, "Oh la vache!" He ate barbecued ribs with a fork and knife, and it took me a lot of work to dissuade him from this and get him to eat them barbarically with his fingers, like a real Texan. Like a Texahss Rahnjair would. He was an extremely talented and capable man, who did all his own home and car repairs (as my husband does;  he learned from the best) and handmade all the beautiful furniture in his home. He tiled our back porch for us, beautifully. We always had to find small home improvement projects when my in-laws visited, because Daniel needed work to do, and it would be done perfectly. And although he spoke some English, he often misunderstood things I was saying, and had to be corrected by his wife. Who doesn't speak a word of English, but understands it perfectly well from facial expressions and context. I will miss his quaint turn of phrase --- he learned English from British language tapes in World War II --- especially "We are not oblig-ed to ..." .  I will miss the immense amount of pleasure he took in learning things, visiting new places, trying new foods, living life.

Adieu, Daniel. Repose en paix.

OPENING NIGHT!

It's opening night for Romeo & Juliette!You can see some pics from the dress rehearsal here. I'm  in a few of them.

I like to get a little workout in on performance days, so I went to Pilates. Lots of work on those transverse abs, and when it came time to do planks --- front, side, AND back, which I'd never done before --- by golly I held each one for the full time allotted. I hate planks. Obviously, I need to do more of them.

Yesterday, which was Dark Night (the night off between the final dress rehearsal and opening), I'd set my alarm to get up in time to make it to the 9 a.m. zumba class. But when it went off and I groggily dragged myself out of bed, I realized that I needed to sleep in  more than I needed to work out. I gave myself a day off, and was glad.

What do you think of this graphic? Someone posted it as "inspiration" on one of my online support forums, and while I appreciate the point it's trying to make, I also find it offensive. Not all overweight people sit around eating bonbons and chicken nuggets, and not all slender people eat healthfully. I've seen size 0 colleagues wolf down a large plate of cheese fries for dinner while I enjoyed a salad. That's not to say I haven't had a few cheese fries in my time --- the point is , your size is hardly the only indicator of your health OR your athletic abilities. "Inspiration" like this that promotes exclusion, judgment, and negativity isn't true inspiration.

And with that brief note, I'm off to the theater, packing a banana, a protein bar, and coconut water for snacks and hydration. See you on the other side!

SET YOUR OWN PACE

Another costume fitting and another kickbox/TRX two hour class combo survived. I won't lie, my triceps are hella sore.

The costumes are really lovely. I will confess to being slightly dismayed when I first saw them on the rack. They're a bigger size that I'm happy with. But I countered this thought by reminding myself that I had come straight from the shower after Zumba class and logged plenty of workout hours in the last week. It's not like I've been sitting on the couch eating bon-bons.

They were actually a little big this time, and will be tweaked to perfection, but over all they are gorgeous and very flattering. They fall quite beautifully. Another reminder: proper fit is what makes clothing look great on you. The size on the label has nothing to do with it. If you want to look good, get GOOD underpinnings that fit and support you properly, and make sure your clothes are the right size and fit well, even if you have to have them tailored.

I was excited for kickboxing class today. We start off with five minutes of jumprope or cardio of some type. As I lack the coordination to jump rope, I usually do jumping jacks, running in place, and knee lifts. Then, the class does 50 jumping jacks together (usually several times throughout the class), and some boot camp activities. Today's favorite was burpees, this time with handweights. These are HARD! I just go my own pace. I don't really count, I just do max reps.

See, I think this is where a lot of us fall off the wagon. It can be psychologically hard to go to a class, or even to do a DVD, when you are surrounded by people who are thinner and fitter than you. It's easy to focus on the fact that you aren't always keeping up, doing as many reps, doing them as well  or as fast as others. But this is a mistake. Being competitive is fine, but compete with yourself first. If you set the bar for yourself so high that you have no hope of ever winning, eventually you're going to quit from discouragement, and probably end up worse off than before you began. And if you set the bar too low, you're not working hard enough and you're not going to see the benefit. Today's experiences reminded me of when I first started to really work out, and I decided to give myself the freedom to concentrate first on just showing up, which was hard enough without having some inner --- or external --- drill sergeant screaming in my ear. Nowadays, I quite enjoy a good drill sergeant. But a good drill sergeant is one who knows how to motivate, how to take you to your limits, not to make you feel lousy when you're really working hard.

Today in kickboxing class, everybody was doing wheelbarrows --- just like the races you did when you were a kid. It's a kickass core workout. Magda looked at me speculatively, and I could tell she was trying to figure out how to kindly suggest that I shouldn't do it. For one thing, I outweigh everybody else in that class quite significantly, so it would be hard for them to hold my legs. And I stood there trying to find a way to tell her she wasn't going to hurt my feelings. Finally, she said, "Can you do this?" and I said, "I don't know. Let's try." So the tallest woman in the class took my legs, and I managed to do it for a short time, but ultimately, I'm just too heavy and frankly, it's hard on my wrist which was broken and now has pins (I've been paying the price for the rest of the day). So I ended up holding a plank while everybody else did wheelbarrows back and forth across the room.

BUT. The good thing is that I tried, and did a little, and maybe one day I'll be strong enough to do it right. Best of all, in that moment, I made a conscious decision not to get upset about it. I am there, in class, doing what I can. I am not slacking. I am pushing myself. And when it came time for the burpees, Magda told me to just step through rather than jump, and I thought to myself, "Hell with that!" and jumped. I can't bring my legs very far forward, but that is not due to my weight. I couldn't do it when I was slimmer, either; it has to do with how my hips work. Strangely, however, I am very flexible. It's just that certain directions of movement don't work that well.

Anyway, point being, the goal is to GET FITTER and to STICK WITH IT. And I am willing to do that in the way that seems best to me, which isn't always the number one expert recommended way. I'm not saying to ignore expert advice, but rather, to filter it through what you are capable of doing and can maintain.

Those classes wiped me out. I came home, took a two hour nap (which I NEVER do during the day) and spent the evening running all over the stage in rehearsal. And you know what? Even though I have gained back a chunk of weight, I still don't get out of breath doing that, because I've increased my fitness. Not justifying, not settling, but also not discounting what I have managed to achieve.

As for smaller costumes ... well, next time, I hope. I'm workin' on it.

Empowerment (just call me Star).

Um, wow.

This link is making the rounds among my FaceBook friends, a lot of whom are singers and into Crossfit, Paleo, and just fitness, plain and simple. (Thanks and props to the inspirational-in-so-many-ways Twyla Robinson). But it really resonates, and ties in with another recent article from none other than the fabulous, intelligent, totally normal person who happens to be a major Hollywood star Ashley Judd. Ms. Judd refuses to sit back and be silent about the media and public trashing her looks and makes a strong case for standing up to society's pervasive misogeny which so insidiously focuses on women's bodies and looks as the wellspring of their worth. Both of these articles are tremendously empowering, and considering all the scary legislation that is currently being proposed and sometimes passed to assert control over women's bodies, quite timely.

I love what Ms. Judd says: "I do not want to give my power, my self-esteem, or my autonomy, to any person, place, or thing outside myself".

And yet, fat people --- especially women, whose bodies are largely considered public property, at least in a popular sense ---  frequently do this on a daily basis. It takes a great deal of vigilence to avoid it. I struggle with it constantly. As a woman in her forties (and sadly, I have a really hard time with the aging thing) who is not and never has been actually skinny, who has always felt like an outsider when it came to fashion and beauty and all the media holds up as that to which I should aspire, it is a daily and sometimes hourly battle. And I am not a person who has particularly low self-esteem. My ego, if you hadn't noticed, is probably the most robust part of me. How much harder and discouraging must it be for people who really do have to fight for self-esteem in all areas of their lives?

So, how amazing is this "Celebrate Strong" post from Eileen Schreiber? She's had enough of being bombarded with images of what she calls "SkinnyStrong" women (mostly fitness models and professional fitness competitors) being held up as the ideal representative of her own fitness community (in this case, CrossFit). And for the record, she's not bashing SkinnyStrong women. She just wants people who look like her --- like you and me, complete with jiggly bits, whose abs will only see a sixpack if we hold the Bud Light up in front of them --- to be represented as ambassadors of strength and fitness, too. She calls this RealStrong. And Ms. Schreiber has even issued a call to action:  "Post pictures of yourself, of real people you know, and say something uncool like – that fat chick over there motivates me because she is hammering that workout! That chick over there, yeah, thunder thighs over there, just deadlifted 300 lbs.  She happens to have 3 kids.  That is HOT. Make RealStrong the sexiest, bestest  positive thing ever for people like you and me who shine our strength from our hearts, want to share that, and are saying NO to the SkinnyStrong is the New Perfect bullshit that repeats the body image crap we say we have overcome."

Can I get an AMEN?

You know that Rolling Stones song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want (But You Get What You Need)"?  (Young'uns, Google it).

Well, today I got what I needed, and once again, it came when I needed it. Today, having girded my loins with my hot pink Fit Club tee shirt and my tie-dye hippie bandana, I headed off to the gym for my first kickboxing class, followed by a TRX suspension class. Two hours of ass-kicking awesomeness, and you may take it from me, all available ass was kicked.

Admire my sweat.

The spirit of this class of women was tremendous. Led by Magda, a tough, muscley little drill sergeant with a heart of gold, I fell in love immediately. The women in this class were mostly regulars, and one of the first things Magda told me (and the two other newbies) was that if you come to class three times, you get a nickname. She introduced the regulars: Shanti, Xena, Mighty Mouse, Hollywood. (I'm probably forgetting someone --- sorry, ladies). They were friendly and helpful, and this class was a group effort. I've never felt so welcome so quickly.

It was hard work but SO MUCH FUN. Talk about empowerment! You're kicking and punching, and in between, doing sets of burpees, squats, jumping jacks, push-ups, and all manner of punishment. You get to hold this big pad, like a shield, and take turns whacking at it, kicking and punching each other across the room.  IT IS BADASS. You're a badass for doing it.

And even though I was a newbie, and not in the kind of shape these girls are in, Magda zeroed in on my strengths and encouraged me through my weaknesses. Turns out that P90X Kenpo I've been doing is good practice for a kickboxing class. And turns out, at least according to Magda, I'm pretty strong.

Strong was the word of the day for me. Magda praised me a lot for my strength. (She also tells you when you suck at something, or your effort sucks, and I like that).At one point, she told me I was a rock star. Well, of course I had to correct that impression: I am an OPERA star.

And that's how I got my kickbox class nickname on the first day. Star.

TRX is also a mighty, mighty workout, endlessly varied, and doing it right after kickboxing was fantastic. Most of the class stayed on, and we were  joined by some others. Whenyou're not doing body weight resistance work (rows, push-ups, bicep curls, squats, and various things I don't know the names of) you're doing more burpees, planks, push-ups, mountain climbers, jumping jacks, and squats.

I ended up singing for the class while doing bicep curls on the TRX bands (by request of course, I don't just belt it out whenver I feel like it). Turns out one of my classmates is a regular opera goer, and was excited to meet one of the singers. When I left for the day, the instructors clustered around the front desk asked, "Was that you singing in there?" Apparently they could hear me over the music ... well, it was Amneris' curse.

When I started off the workout day, stretching out alone in the studio before anyone else got there, what I was noticing was the undesireable prominence of my gut when I bend over to stretch back and hamstrings, thinking ruefully, "Oh well. Just ignore it. I'm here to get fit, not model underwear."

And when I left, I was noticing how strong I actually am, and thinking, "Now that I'm all pumped up with all that resistance training, maybe I should wear a tank top to rehearsal tonight."

So, yeah. Empowerment. It's kind of awesome. Try it.

THE ULTIMATE GOAL

See why I call it the Barbie Gym? Pink and chandeliers!

Back to the gym today, thank goodness! I did ten minutes on the elliptical as a warmup, then took a 30-minute intensive class called Iron Power Blast. The instructor was a lean, all-muscle, tomboyish Paleo devotee who spent a good portion of the class talking business to her friend who sells her own raw protein bars, and "educating" the class about them and how they can buy them through her. They sound great but I didn't appreciate the commercial on my time. However, the class was still good. We started with lunges back and forth across the studio; followed by squats, and some pretty tough ab work. I went my own pace, and the only thing I had a problem with was the final move, a fast lunge starting from a wide kneeling position. You were supposed to come up from that to a squat. It just hit all of my trouble spots --- knee, hip, and the toes of my right foot --- not the right exercise for me, especially at speed. I asked for an alternative but it was still not great for me. Clearly this is a class for people who are regulars and in better shape than I; I could hang in, but I'm not sure I liked the vibe enough to go back.  At any rate, I got some good sweat on and I am very happy to be back to the gym!

In the pic above, I'm wearing my new Fit Club t-shirt. Fit Club is a FaceBook support group started by internationally known tenor Larry Brownlee, for singers and their friends.  It's got a great positive vibe and is just a nice place to go for a little encouragement every day. We are all shapes and sizes and fitness levels there, and everyone is at a different place in their journey, but it doesn't matter. The most important thing is to show up and sweat!

Members are encouraged to post photos of themselves working out in their t-shirts, so this was my contribution. I baptized that shirt with sweat today.

Groups like Fit Club are a great way to help yourself stay motivated and accountable. After my healthy lunch of greens topped with tuna, avocado, a few olives and a little bit of cheese, I was tempted by some commercial peanut butter crackers that came with the goodies in my opera welcome bag. I picked them up and had them in my hand, and then I thought about Fit Club, and thought, "No way! I'm not eating these! They're nutritional trash!" Sometimes the thought is all you need.

The club motto is "Onward, downward, and fitter!" A good mantra for health seekers. After the last few days, I am reminded that the two most important parts of that motto, for me, are "Onward" and "Fitter".  Although I need constant reminders, focusing on weight loss is not the healthiest thing or the best way to acheive my goals now. Onward --- with every good food choice, with every trip to the gym, with every effort to stop negative self-talk and replace it with encouragement and acknowledgement of successes --- we move forward towards our goals. Fitter --- every healthy choice, whether it be about food, exercise, or how we treat ourselves --- that's the ultimate goal.

SENSITIVITY

The wardrobe guy was definitely searching for words. Italian, his hands spoke volumes as they gestured in large circles, indicating my chest, which was busting out of the too-small, too-short jacket the rental house had sent.  Three women also stood around me, pulling at the fabric, moving my arms here and there, inspecting seam allowances, and musing as consultations in English, Italian, and Spanish whizzed by, simutaneously. Nothing the shop had sent fit, and it was their job to make it fit and look good, but the Italian wardrobe master wasn't happy with the design, not for my body.  "This jacket is for a woman who is much smaller!" he said. "It will not look right on one who is not ---" His hands made slenderizing motions  "--- who is so much more ---" His hands rolled to describe the volume of my breasts "--- voluptuous!" he at last exclaimed triumphantly. He had found just the right word, complimentary and inoffensive, one that didn't come right out and say what he was thinking, which was that I am fat. Or at least, too fat for these costumes.

At least, that's what I took him to mean, and I smiled. It's embarrassing, standing there in costumes that are too small, while the wardrobe people talk about adding panels and making new belts. And it could happen to anyone, even if you're not, in fact, fat --- sometimes the stuff the rental house sends just doesn't fit. So perhaps I am just being overly sensitive. I appreciated his diplomacy, but inwardly winced every time he used the word (having discovered it, he was sticking with it) and also when he gallantly exclaimed that we had to find just the right cut and material for "this pretty lady."

Because by that time, I wasn't hearing  the positive associations of "voluptuous", which after all is a perfectly fine and actually quite sexy word. I wasn't hearing "pretty". I was hearing old tapes, as my friend David calls them.

I was hearing "fat".

Here are some things my cool FaceBook friends said in response to my post about being called voluptuous:

"I like to think it means you are proportioned!"

"I think it is a way of saying, 'You don't have the body of a young adolescent boy with fake body parts inserted or sewn on.'"

"In my mind, that word has always gone hand in hand with some drool dripping down my chin."

How strange and disconcerting it is, having lost as much weight as I have (and put some of it back on), to find myself fighting the old battles. It's much worse, this time --- I am much more bothered by body image issues than I ever was when I weighed over 300 pounds. Somehow it's a bigger failure to be fat again --even if it's not as fat --- after having not been fat for a few years.

But only on some days, like today. On other days, I feel strong and beautiful and unfat, and able to focus on my accomplishments. On other days, I can own the word "voluptuous" and not give it negative associations.

I've had a nasty cold for the past several days, and haven't had the energy for the gym. That's been annoying, and probably a great contributor to my crankiness and sensitivity. But tomorrow will be a gym day, even if I can't finish a class. I miss it, I'm really bummed that the roll I was on crashed, and I'm anxious to get back to it. I'm proud that, even if I have gained weight, I'm fitter than ever before. I'm proud that I eat better and know more about nutrition. 

Tomorrow, I will work out. I will eat well. I will concentrate on fitness and health and on putting one foot in front of the other, because I'm not about to give up.

And tomorrow, I will be voluptuous instead of fat.

TRAVEL FOOD AND FITNESS

Every time I travel to a new gig, I face a new and unknown living situation. Sometimes it's possible to have a pretty good idea of what I'll be getting --- if I'll be in an apartment or hotel, for example --- but if I'm staying in someone's home, either as a guest or a renter, you never know until you get there what the accommodations will be like. Will there be space to work out, and will it bug your hosts if you do? How far do your kitchen privileges extend?

So, the name of the game is preparation and flexibility. I always bring a few key items that I need for food prep (good knife, my trusty little food processor, sometimes a blender) and workouts (resistance bands, DVDs, yoga mat). And I've developed a scaled-down on-the-road repertoire of menus which involve a few foods that don't take up a lot of space.

It took me a long time to get over the notion that traveling = vacation = laze around and eat whatever I want, damn the consequences. Eventually I realized that this IS my life, not an escape from it, and even though it's harder to be healthy when you're traveling for any number of reasons, if I don't want to end up looking like Jabba the Hut's younger, prettier sister, I have to come to terms with it. Sometimes it's harder than others, such as when the cast wants to hang out after rehearsal, which inevitably leads to a drink or two and a lot of snacking, or when my darling husband is able to join me (because we DO tend to treat that time like a vacation ... working vacations are the only kind we take). 

I had had big plans to use my time in Sarasota to work hard, recover from my Christmas break milaise, and start the scale moving back down. Sarasota was an important milestone to me because it was a photo from the steps of Ca d'Zan, taken on a visit to a friend in the summer of 2007, that helped me realize changes had to be made. I had a sort of fantasy of taking an "after" photo in the same spot.

Well, that didn't happen. I didn't want to see what such a photo would look like right now. I know it's silly, but it would make my backsliding seem more real, possibly more permanent, and I am not willing to let go of the fight. So in a way, I'm in hiding. But while I haven't lost any weight for some time, I did accomplish two important fitness goals while in Sarasota. Number one, I worked out almost every day. I did Power 90 --- nothing as strenuous as P90X,  but still good cardio and strength training --- and biked and hiked quite a bit. Number two, the beautiful atmosphere there and my wonderful experience with my cast and the show helped me in just the way I needed to shake off the final remnants of that debiliating stress episode I'd been dealing with. No doubt the exercise helped, too.

So here I am in Miami, and it's an adjustment. Drivers here are crazy and mean --- I'd be afraid to ride my bike anywhere on the streets. My cast here is friendly and cordial but we don't hang out. No one's going for drinks after rehearsal. I can cook, but have limited space to store food. The nice lady from whom I am renting a room has a beautiful but small kitchen, and I don't think she's used to her guests wanting to do much cooking. I can store food, but she couldn't give me my own shelf in the pantry or fridge, and I just feel inhibited.

Good thing I have the Barbie Gym and my Road Food Repertoire.

There is a great article here about eating right when you're traveling. It's geared towards runners, but it applies very well to opera singers, business travelers, and even vacationers who are serious about not going overboard. Singers have to be fussy about their food just like athletes do --- just like anyone who wants to stay fit does. There are lots of good points and tips in this article: overeating or skipping meals can mess you up; you have to prepare for both transit and time on the ground.

The article recommends high protein snacks like string cheese and hardboiled eggs, peanut butter, hummus and carrots, turkey, granola bars, and trail mix. When I'm on one of my redeye flights for auditions and lessons, I always have 100-calorie packs of almonds or a baggie of homemade trail mix; single-serving packs of peanut butter, and Think Thin bars (which are very high protein and relatively low carb). These travel well and are great if I get stuck and don't want to spend $18 on an airport salad composed of iceberg lettuce and a few coldcuts. I've also found that salad bar salads --- one of those big cardboard boxes from Whole Foods --- keep pretty well outside refrigeration for a couple of hours at least on an airplane. I always stock up at the salad bar (with vegetarian options; unless there's a lot of dairy, they'll stay good longer) before I hit an evening flight, and believe me, I am the envy of my seatmates and many a flight attendant when those plastic-wrapped microwaved cheeseburgers start making the rounds.

When Eric and I drive long distances, we always pack a cooler with treats for picnic stops, rather than stopping at restaurants. We like to get smoked fish, hummus and carrots and fresh broccoli, a small piece of really good cheese to share, and maybe something snacky and crunchy like pretzels. It's become a little ritual we really enjoy.

Once I'm settled into town, I keep my eat-at-home foods pretty basic. It saves money, space, and decision-making.  I also follow the law of "if it ain't in the house, you can't eat it" and try not to bring temptations home with me. If I want a treat, I have to go get it.

Spinach is my miracle base. You can cook it, you can eat it fresh as a salad. I throw a big handful or two on a plate and top it with black beans and corn; or tuna fish and sprinkle of  lowfat cheese, or a mix of frozen veggies, soy sausage, and a little cheese. Or I make a big salad. At home I prefer fresh veggies but on the road I usually buy a package or two of frozen broccoli and whatever else appeals in the moment. I usually buy one rotisserie chicken per trip --- one person can eat off that for a week. I buy eggs for hard-boiling and omelettes; omelettes with lots of veggies make a great quick meal. I also always buy a few really good olives, sun-dried tomatoes, a bit of really good cheese, and something crunchy like soy nuts or walnuts. Just a couple of these can really dress up a salad or a hot meal with little bursts of flavor and texture. A few pieces of fresh and dried fruit, Greek yogurt, oatmeal, and maybe some whole wheat pasta for those times when I get really busy and need to have a heat-and-eat meal ready, and I'm good to go.

Yes, it gets boring. And when that happens, I eat out.

So, the good thing about Miami is that I can really concentrate on working out and eating better, and get myself geared up for the summer.  I guess this is part of the cycle, too, learning to deal with the really busy times and the less busy times, the swings towards better fitness and the backsliding.  A lot of my colleagues are really on the fitness bandwagon, and that helps. A lot of them are doing Crossfit and the whole Paleo thing. I'm intrigued by Crossfit and would like to try it, but it needs to be a time when I'm not working. Paleo ... I can see adopting the basics but I'd never, pardon the pun, go whole hog.

So, it's time to hit the gym again. Today's treat: something called Ballet Barre Burn. Barre classes are all the rage these days, so I am really looking forward to trying it. I just really hope the music isn't so loud.

 

HIKING HONEYMOON AND MYAKKA

I know, I know, it seems like I've completely abandoned this blog, but 'tisn't true. I really have been busy sucking the last bits of delicious enjoyment out of my time in Sarasota, finishing up the run of the show, packing up, and moving to the next gig.

My husband made in into town for the final performance, and we had a whole day and a half to play together before that illustrious event, so we made the most of it with two GREAT hikes. He flew into Tampa, so after I picked him up we headed to the beautiful Honeymoon Island. The trails there are not particularly long, and they are all flat ... but as it turns out, you can spend a lot of time slogging through slippery, soft white sand, and that will do a number on your calves, thighs, and butt, yes it will.  Pretty good lower body workout, that.

It was a hot but gorgeous day, and we got off to a great start as we sought the trailhead with an encounter with a nine-banded armadillo who was happily grubbing in the underbrush beside the road. They don't see well, and he was really focussed on his grubbing, so we were inches away from him and he never noticed!

As we hit the trail, we began noticing osprey nests right away, and quickly lost count of the number of mated pairs we saw. They were everywhere! We also saw a couple of ladderback woodpeckers, owls' nests (but no owls) and even a bald eagle in the distance.

We also encountered a number of gopher tortoises, who were quite nonchalant about approaching us (provided we were standing close to something they wanted to eat).

It was a lovely hike through pines swathed in Spanish moss, with palmetto undergrowth --- a very typical Florida terrain.

And when we weren't in the pines, we were in the mangroves, or on the beach, where we found a very large (deceased) horseshoe crab.

We spent a happy couple of hours wandering the trails at Honeymoon Island,and I'd highly recommend it if you're in the area. There are some beautiful beaches, there, too.

The next day was our only full day off, and we had big plans. I'd read up about Myakka River State Park, and that's where we were determined to spend the day hiking. But first, we opted for sunrise on Siesta Key Beach and  delicious, healthy omelettes at the Sun Garden Cafe.

When we got to the park, we were greeted at the ranger's station with a map and a handout warning about the dangers of VULTURES EATING YOUR CAR. I am not making this up.

Apparently, if you park close to the lake at certain times of day, the vultures will come and eat the vinyl and rubber off your car. Also, any body of water in the park boundaries should be assumed to contain gators. And as if that isn't enough, this is the place where my colleague Audrey was chased by wild boars while jogging. So, Myakka State Park. Not the most welcoming environment.

Nevertheless, rewarding if you take proper precautions and respect the wilderness. There are some 39 miles of trails --- none of them particularly well-marked or well-mapped as it transpires, but we made it back, so you know this story has a happy ending. And there was lots of interesting wildlife. We had a couple of real "Circle of Life" moments.

The first wildlife we spotted was a wild turkey, pecking in the undergrowth. Then, we crossed a bridge over a pond full of alligators, so we had to stop and take a look there. And this is what we saw:

The Standoff.

Here are a bunch of black buzzards, an enticing dead fish, and a very large gator. The park ranger who was standing on the bridge taking photos said that the buzzards seem quite fascinated with gators, and whenever one is close to shore, they cluster around him. We later saw this phenomenon with a couple of different groups of buzzards/gators. But in this case, there was a storyline going on.

You see, those buzzards REALLY wanted that fish. REALLY wanted it. But they were cautious. They'd hop close in, take a little peck, hop back. Mr. Gator didn't even move. His snout was mere inches from the fish, but he just sat there. Patiently. Doubtlessly hoping for a buzzardy snack.

This standoff went on for quite some time, and at last, the alligator, who had not moved the entire time, casually reached up and gently took the fish in his mouth and began munching on it with great enjoyment, much to the dismay of the vultures.

MINE.

NOM NOM NOM.

That hit the spot, but I sure could use a buzzard chaser.

I swear he was teasing them.

There were plenty of birds at the pond, as well -- wood storks, Great Blue Herons, ibises, a small night heron with a beautiful blue bill, and many others. But the really exciting birdwatching was yet to come!

First, however, the Canopy Walk. After a short trail into the woods, you come upon two tall wooden towers, connected by a swingy wooden bridge, taking you ever higher into the canopy.

When you emerge at the top of the taller tower, you have a beautiful panoramic view of the park. And it is the sort of place where you would not be at all surprised to see a Brontasaurus head rising gracefully out of the trees.

After the Canopy Walk, we were ready to hit the trail in earnest. The maps, as mentioned, were pretty basic and left a great deal to be desired. But we settled on starting out at Fox Low Road, and off we went. It promised to meander through hammocks,  pine flats, dry prairie, and seasonally flooded wetlands, and it delivered. Very quickly we found ourselves in what appeared to be the jungle!

We didn't see much wildlife here; mainly the little lizards that seem to come one to a palmetto and make noise completely disproportionate to their tiny size. We wandered by creeks and a couple of primitive campsites, enjoying the shade. But soon enough that shade dissipated as we emerged into the palmetto scrub prairie.

I won't lie. This was a long, hot slog, and after the initial viewing of the new environment, not all that interesting. Plus, I managed to sunburn ONLY the backs of my knees, as the sun was now behind us. A lot of the area had also been subjected to controlled burns, so not so pretty. We were both happy to get back into some shade, and to find our way back to the car (with the help of the GPS feature on my  Garmin Forerunner and a friendly cyclist who happened by). We were out for over three hours, but we're not sure how much ground we covered. Hard to tell with the maps. Still, it was great exercise.

We headed over to Vultures Will Eat Your Car Lake to grab a cold drink at the concession stand and cool off. First thing we saw: wee baby alligator!

He was hanging out around the mouth of the creek, doubtlessly hoping to swim under the radar of his voracious and much larger relatives (some of whom we had previously sighted in the lake). The lake was a haven for all sorts of birds. We saw all the usual Florida suspects: Great Blue Herons, wood storks, Great White Herons, snowy egrets, ibises, night herons, wood storks, and several flocks of white pelicans. A couple of snowy egrets took exception to each other and engaged in aerial battle.

We also saw a pair of sandhill cranes.

Somehow our car escaped vulture consumption, so we headed over to the other side of this large lake, where there is a long boardwalk over the marsh in a spot ideal for birdwatching --- it's called the Birdwalk (get it?). It was here we had our second thrilling Circle of Life moment. On the far bank, there was a family of wild  boar (possible the same ones who took an exception to my friend Audrey's running technique), and many varieties of birds in and around the water. There was one VERY large bird sitting on a sandbar, and this turned out to be nothing less than a bald eagle. There was a distance viewer, so we were able to get a closer look at him, but even without magnification you could see his distinctive markings.

As we watched, the eagle spied an osprey winging over the treeline, which had to be at least half a mile away. He launched himself from the sandbar and took off after that osprey. We watched as he pursued and overtook it, chasing it in a couple of circles before shoulder checking the thing and forcing it to drop its fish! The eagle then caught that fish as it fell and headed lazily back to the lakeshore, ignoring the angry cries of the cheated osprey. We watched the eagle enjoy his stolen snack. I'm sure there's a political metaphor in there somewhere.

It was a very enjoyable day, and I would love to go back to Myakka and do more hiking (preferably with a good topo map and a better GPS).

Saturday was the final performance of Vanessa, and that was a very bittersweet experience for me. It's a truly great opera, one that is not done all that often, and to get to do such a beautiful production with a fantastic cast, all of whom have become dear friends, was a very special and treasured experience. I got a little teary at curtain call! Before we left the stage, we snapped a "family portrait", complete with Victorian scowling.

Sarasota Opera's Vanessa cast, L-R, back row: Stephen Fish (Majordomo), Scott Piper (Anatol), Kara Shay Thomsen (Vanessa), Thomas Potter (the Old Doctor). Front row: me (The Old Baroness), David Neely (Conductor), Audrey Babcock (Erika).

And without the scowling ...

And that was the end --- for now--- of my adventures in and around Sarasota. I loved being there, and hope I get to go back!

On Sunday, we packed up and headed down to my next gig in Miami. We ended up with an unexpected day off on Monday, so once we got settled in, Eric and I drove down to Key Largo to the John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park. This is the first state park which exists mostly underwater, and it's a haven for divers and snorkelers, as well as all sorts of boating and swimming. You can take a number of tours out to the reef, and we opted for the glass bottom boat tour. As we were waiting for it to begin, we strolled along a couple of the short nature trails the park offers. 

The Tamarind Trail wound through a hammock filled with interesting trees, including the poisonwood (a relative of poison ivy which you must not touch) and the red gumbo limbo. I was particularly taken with the intricate designs carved by nature on this bare trunk:

I have no idea what caused them, but I find them quite magical and lovely.

We also took a stroll on the mangrove boardwalk. The keys are thickly ringed with mangroves, as we saw as we took the boat out through the saltwater creek.

Pics of the coral reef as seen through the glassbottom boat don't really come out, but suffice it to say that it's a wonderful. We saw a gigantic brain coral that is hundreds of years old (it takes them 50 years to reach the size of a basketball; this one was the size about about three beanbag chairs put together), a large green moray eel (rare, as they are nocturnal), a spotted eagle ray, and lots of varieties of fish and coral, including some rare elkhorn coral. Up top, there was a great view of the bird life and the beautiful, sparkling ocean, which appears mottled between bright turquoise (where there is a sandy bottom) and navy blue (rocky bottom).

We returned to Miami hungry and tired, and hit the jackpot with the venerable Versailles restaurant, which despite its name serves delicious Cuban cuisine. It's a Miami institution, complete with old-fashioned decor and service, and AMAZING, inexpensive food.

Alas, Eric had to go home the next day, and I embarked on my new singing adventure: Gertrude in Romeo & Juliette with Florida Grand Opera. I am still getting settled in and figuring out my way around town; it's a bit of culture shock after quiet, easy-to-navigate Sarasota with its long, straight boulevards.

I am staying in a lovely home, but there is no room for working out and the neighborhood isn't really suitable for biking or running. So I am off today in search of a gym, as I am very determined to keep working out and even step it up a little. So stay tuned!

 

 

 

 

BIKING GASPARILLA ISLAND

Only two shows left ... I am going to be so sad to leave this cast, this show, and Sarasota (even though there are exciting new adventures awaiting in Miami). We got another really nice review.

I'm really glad I brought my bike on this trip. It's been living in the back of the van, covered up in an old blanket, and out it comes whenever there's an opportunity. For instance, St. Paddy's Day, which happened to be one of our days off. It was a Saturday, and the traffic was awful, so I parked in the opera garage and rode over to Longboat Key, about 4 miles one way. Had a delicious (but not very healthy) lunch at a fish shack, and then went to explore this inviting little boardwalk.

 

The first thing I saw was an osprey, a fish-eating bird of prey.

And at the end of the boardwalk, there was a lovely spot overlooking the bay. Glancing down in the water, I spied this huge shell ... which turned out to be a live whelk. So cool! I'd never seen one before.

On Sunday, we had a matinee, followed by the Artist's Concert (that made for a very long day)!  For compae/contrast purposes, I present my Act I look:

And my gown for the Artists' Concert:

Today was another day off, and I was very determined to get my workout in first thing, before any play. I've been very faithful about doing Power 90 and it's rewarding to see how quickly my stamina and strength have grown.

Then, I drove down to Gasparilla Island. This is a gorgeous little spot about an hour south of Sarasota. The island is seven miles long, and has a spectacular bike trail that runs the length of the island. Most people there don't even use their cars --- they bike, walk, or drive golf carts (frequently with their dogs perched on the seat next to them).  When in Rome! I parked my car, hauled out the bike, and cycled down to the southernmost tip of the island to visit the Boca Grande Lighthouse.

Then I toodled back up through town, stopping to visit some of the cute shops and the Loose Caboose, where Katherine Hepburn once enjoyed ice cream (as did I). It's the former railroad depot.

I visited the gorgeous library, the spectacular beach, the lovely shady street lined with banyan trees ... it's a pretty idyllic place. And what better way to see it than on bike!

I'll be honest. This is not how I wanted to look when I came back to Sarasota. Every day is a fight and I'm not giving up. I am proud that I am so much more active, and I will continue to fight to get back to a better weight for me. I don't know why it's so hard now when for several years there I was in the zone --- maybe it's because I was so focused during that time, and now my focus is divided. Whatever. I will continue to pursue the best health I can be in. Heck, I want to end up like some of these fierce, fit old folks I see around here.

Tomorrow is Show #5, and then my sweet husband comes into town ... and we're planning a hike in Myakka River State Park. So stay tuned!