The Next Hundred Pounds

RESISTANCE MUSCLE MEMORY

Well, this is discouraging, especially in light of the difficulties I've been having lately with staying on track. It's not like we didn't already know that it's extremely difficult to keep weight off, for a variety of reasons; or that many people set completely unrealistic goals for themselves. But to hear that your weight can rise even if you haven't changed your eating or exercise habits is really unpleasant news. Really, the study just confirms a lot of what we already know: it's hard to lose and maintain weight loss; and to keep it off, you're going to have to switch it up every once in a while.

This week, I've been working hard to make good choices and practice my skills.  The other night we were out to a late dinner, and I was very hungry when we started, but I also knew I did not want to eat too much. There were a couple of items, like the garlic bread and the dessert, that just weren't special, so after a taste, I pushed them away and did not eat them. That was stupidly hard, but I MUST start practicing these skills religiously again. I stopped eating before I was full.  Yesterday, I was very careful about eating healthy and watching portion sizes, and I did a good hard hour on the elliptical, plus some yoga and walking. This morning, I resisted a fancy pastry at the coffee shop, and had oatmeal in my hotel room instead.

The funny thing is, although it's incredibly hard to begin making these choices again (and again and again), every time you do it gets a little bit easier. It really is similar to building up muscle memory.

I've decided that it's time to cut out carbs again. More than anything, they are what pack on the pounds for me. When I was in the initial stages of losing weight, I almost never ate bread, rice, cereal, potatoes, or pasta. These things have crept back into my diet, although in MUCH lower quantities than before ... but nevertheless, I think I am better off getting my carbs from fresh fruit and occasional servings of whole grains (I do like my oatmeal for breakfast, from time to time). A while back, there was a post on Food Renegade in which Kristen described being out to dinner with her family at The Monument Cafe (also one of my faves!). They have really terrific biscuits, and after her young son had one, he asked for another. Kristen gently told him that one was enough, because after all, it was sugar. She's right of course, and when tempted by bread products, this post often comes to my mind. It's helpful to remember that refined carbs are, for all intents and purposes, sugar. Yummy, yummy Fattening sugar.

I ate plenty of good food yesterday, and I even had snacks and drinks quite late, after the show (it was opening night). But this morning, I feel good. I don't feel heavy or sluggish, because I didn't eat too much and I ate (mostly) healthy things. This morning, I'm going to head off to the gym again for another hour on the elliptical --- I like to work out on performance days, gets my blood pumping --- and have a light, healthy lunch.

I've just found out that at my next gig, The Marriage of Figaro at Kentucky Opera, we will be housed in beautiful hotel suites that have fully outfitted kitchens and a nice in-house gym. Yaaay!

Meanwhile, there are two shows to go in my current gig, Gertrude in Romeo & Juliette at San Antonio Opera. There was a little local news story with a nice little clip, and you can see me (very very briefly!) at about :40 and 1:04 (don't blink or you'll miss it).

And now ... it's off to the gym! 

HEALTHY AT HOME

Home at last, after being on the road for approximately 63 days out of the last 90. Well, more or less home --- my opera workshop began the evening I landed, and starting Monday I will be at school from 9 a.m. to about 10 p.m. every day for the next three weeks. My schedule has always been pretty hectic, but it's been hectic mostly at home. Hectic traveling is newish, and I am still figuring out how to handle it.

I'm not complaining, mind you! I had a lot of fun at the Princeton Festival, and the show got no fewer than five reviews --- three in major papers --- a lot for a relatively small festival. The last review appeared in no less august a publication than the New York Times. It's not my first or even second mention in the Times, but it's my first review, it was a good one, and I am quite gratified (and grateful).

Meanwhile, back home, I'm trying to organize my kitchen and workout schedule for this crazy time. This first week of the program is slightly less involved than it will be beginning next week, so this is the week to do a little cooking and prep, since I will be taking lunches and dinners with me Monday-Saturday. Also, it's a scorcher of a summer here in Texas, and we're doing our best to keep the electric and water bill down, which means keeping oven use and dish use to a minimum (dishwashers use a lot of water)!

To that end, I've found a couple of lovely, healthy recipes for delicious lunches. Today I made a roasted red pepper chickpea sandwich spread, based on this recipe from Vegetarian Times. I used Tofutti (but if you don't care about it being vegan, you could just as easily use nonfat cream cheese) and added pureed chickpeas for extra protein and to firm it up. If you're making this recipe, be sure to really drain the peppers and let them dry out a little, or it will be too watery for a spread.  I ended up with about 8 ounces of dip (it'll be great with veggies or drizzled on salad!) and then added the chickpeas to the remainder to make a really delicious sandwich spread. It'll be great on crusty bread with some crisp lettuce and cucumber; or if you're restricting carbs,  scooped directly onto salad.

Summer is the time for a beautiful insalate caprese, but often these salads are high in fat because of the cheese and olive oil. At the store this morning, I couldn't resist a basket of colorful pear and cherry tomatoes --- yellow, orange, red, and even purple. My garden is overflowing with basil, so I washed the tomatoes and shredded some fresh basil leaves. They smell divine! Then I sprinkled about 1/8 cup of low-fat, part-skim mozzarella shreds --- just enough to give it flavor. If I were making this for a party, I'd get the tiny bite-sized mozzarella balls (so cute!). Then I drizzled about a teaspoon of Spanish olive oil and seasoned with fresh-ground salt and pepper. It's not fat-free, but it's a lot less than you usually get, and it's very flavorful. Leave it out of the fridge for the best flavor.

Next week, we'll have Boot Camp twice a week during my opera program, and I am looking forward to that though it will be HOT. These may be the only real workouts I get in during the next month; the good thing is I'm running around so much that there isn't time to eat. It's a real temptation to eat a snack when I get home late at night, and I am trying to resist that urge. Since it's so hot, I am craving ice cream all the time, too! Instead, I make a nice thick smoothie with frozen fruit, unsweetened almond milk, and whey or soy protein powder. It's cold and creamy, has a lot less fat and sugar than ice cream, and satisfies that craving. I'd like to try making my own homemade frozen yogurt with fruit and nonfat milk. I love the tart stuff! Who needs all that sugar? I just need to find a good recipe.

I feel like I am constantly walking on a balance beam -- sometimes I'm tilting more towards healthier living, and other times I'm in danger of falling off entirely! It's a daily struggle, but I have embraced the fact that this is my life, and if I want to stay healthy all I can do is keep trying.  In a very real way, the journey IS the destination.

FAT BIGOTRY FROM MAURA KELLY AND MARIE CLAIRE

Shame, shame, shame on Marie Claire and especially on writer Maura Kelly, who affirmatively answers her own question in her fat-bashing "Should Fatties Get a Room (Even on TV)?" Kelly apparently feels she needs eyeball bleach after watching a show called Mike &  Molly, which centers around a couple whose romance blossoms after an encounter at an OA meeting. I myself have never seen the show, but apparently it dares to present these obese people as --- can you believe it --- HAVING LIVES! Being in love! Kissing and stuff! How dare it show fat people as doing anything other than sitting on the couch stuffing their faces, being somebody's funny sidekick, or being rude and mean and miserable!

Kelly writes: "My initial response was: Hmm, being overweight is one thing — those people are downright obese! And while I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity!"

That's right. According to Kelly, showing fat people living normal lives is promoting obesity. She goes on to admit that it would indeed "gross her out" to see a very, very fat person just walk across the room, let alone make out on TV. But she's not a fat bigot, oh, no. She actually has some fat friends! Lucky them! And she'll even give you some nutrition and exercise advice, because as a recovering anorexic, she knows that "obesity is something most people have a ton of control over" (TON- get it? Ha ha!), and besides, we all know the reason you're fat is because you don't know a thing about dieting and exercise.

Well, Maura Kelly, as someone who was obese and still is overweight by BMI standards, as someone has had a great deal of hot dirty monkey sex while weighing over three hundred pounds, let me tell you what disgusts me. You disgust me, thoroughly. You think you're superior, that you have a better life, that you know more, that you're hipper and cuter and somehow more deserving just because you aren't fat. You think the fact that you aren't fat means that you are somehow qualified to give advice to people who are. You think that people who don't adhere to your own shallow standards should make every effort to live their lives out of your view, so as not to offend your delicate sensibilities. Furthermore, in your sad little Sex in the City sound-bite existence, you thought it was cute to write absolutely hateful words about it in a frothy little magazine article.You, madam, are the very definition of a bigot. An uneducated bigot, at that. But then, most bigots are uneducated about the focus of their bigotry.

Kelly does update her article with what seems to be a heartfelt apology, regretting her insensitivity and admitting that what she said was not productive. But it's too late: she's outed herself as a fat bigot, and an ignorant one at that.

The article has ignited a firestorm of responses, which I haven't the energy to read (I glanced at them; it's the usual mixture of hate mail addressed to the writer,  bickering , and plenty more hate from the "Nyah Nyah Fatty" types). This post is my response, but I am also going to write Marie Claire, with which I am thoroughly disgusted. I always thought they were a cut above when it came to women's magazines, and this far from their finest hour.

This type of bigotry and public fat-bashing does a great deal of damage. We must call the bullies and the bigots out. Gay bullying has been in the news a lot lately, and there has been a marvelous campaign supporting GLBT youth, but where is the campaign for all the fat kids made miserable by bullying, which this type of article completely supports? NO bullying is acceptable.

We, who have chosen to battle our demons with food and eating, cannot take it to heart. Yes, call the bigots out, but recognize them for what they are: small people, riddled with their own insecurities and poverty of the soul. We can, quite literally and figuratively, be bigger than they; and one way to do that is to go on with our own lives and live well.

For me, that means pursuing my opera career, writing, and continuing to work hard on my physical fitness and health. I actually enjoy it. I enjoy pushing myself physically and mentally. I think that's one reason I love opera so much; it is an all-encompassing art form that demands everything from you, every last drop of your strength and talent and intelligence and humanity and training; and then it demands that you offer it to other people like some sort of holy sacrifice. But you receive your rewards tenfold.

I wish I had it in me to push myself physically the way my friend Robin Flynn does --- that's my aspiration. One day, I would love to run (or stumble, or crawl) a marathon, just to be able to say I'd done it.  Having very concrete goals (and deadlines!) is very useful for --- well, any accomplishment you hope to achieve, but certainly in weight loss and in changing your fitness lifestyle.

I mentioned that there would be another challenge coming up, and so there shall. I'm going to give another couple of days for the 10x10-25 Challengers to report in, and for a roundup and announcement of the winner. Then I'll announce the next challenge. In the meantime, let's all be thinking about our next goals. What do we most need to do? What are the essential little steps to getting ther? What are we willing to do?

And last but not least, here's a challenge we can all undertake right away: give some thought to a bigot or bully you might encounter regularly in your life, or imagine meeting one by chance. How will you call that person out on their bigotry? How will you stand up for yourself, or someone else --- maybe someone you've never met? How will you help make bullying and bigotry of any kind as socially unacceptable as using the "n" word? That's what we have to do, folks, and it's an eminently achievable.

REVIEWS (SINGING, AND EATING)

Now, that, my friends, is what you call a pudding face.I adore the eyebrows. One of my talents (inspired at a young age by Mr. Spock) is the ability to cock one eyebrow, and this makeup encourages it. I did it at every opportunity last night, opening night of The Mikado at Syracuse Opera. It was a very good house; very receptive and responsive audience, which only makes our jobs easier. Everything went off very well, even the flash pot at my entrance. Everyone sang well. And we all had fun.

There was a very nice review in the Post-Standard; however they got my name wrong! I've put in a couple of calls and hopefully it will be corrected online quickly, and maybe they'll even get it before it goes into print tomorrow.

I ate weirdly yesterday, due to the odd variety of food left in my fridge, but I didn't eat too much, even at the cast party. It wasn't possible to eat too much at the cast party, because they were passing appetizers and it was really catch as catch can. I was pretty hungry by then and allowed myself to slip into poor thinking; grabbing whatever I could when the trays passed, which wasn't very often. At one point I was even thinking, "Well, what can I eat when I get home?" But when I started tallying up what I'd had, I realized it came to a small meal, and that it was plenty. It just didn't seem that way, because of the presentation. I wish I hadn't fallen for my own mind tricks, but I still didn't overeat yesterday (although part of it was sheer luck). Today, I will do better with food!

And now, I am off to seek beauty treatments. Stage makeup wreaks havoc on your skin; my little piggies need attention, and I would kill for a meaty bald guy named Sven to pound the knots out of my back. Be good, everybody!

HOOFIN' IT MIKADO STYLE

Photo by Dick Blume, Syracuse Post-Standard; with Matthew Hayward as KoKo

Yesterday turned out to be a big day, exercise-wise. Not only did I do my lovely experimental walk without the post-op shoe, but I got in my hour of elliptical ... and then got to evening rehearsal to find that we were staging my big aria scene with KoKo. This involved MUCH running around, flinging oneself to one's knees, and dancing.

Oh dear.

Had I realized how active it was going to be, I probably would have skipped either the walk or the cardio. By itself, the rehearsal wouldn't be too much but on top of a walk and an hour on the elliptical, it was pushing it. My foot and knee survived just fine but certainly by the end of the day they were ready for some ice and a nice lie-down. Today, I am being firm with myself about taking a day OFF. (The arguments have already started: "Well, you could just do some yoga! That's not strenuous, and you'd still get some sort of exercise in!" But no. I really do need to take a day and stay off it as much as possible).

It was a tremendous amount of fun to stage this very physically active scene. I think it is probably the most running around I've had to do on stage since I lost the weight, and there is no way I could have done this before. Not with the amount of energy I'm pumping out now. And in the performance, I will be doing it in a heavy kimono and wig, under hot lights, which certainly takes a further toll on your energy (adrenaline gets you through it; the crash comes after the curtain falls)! It's a good thing I was able to start working out again, just a little. This role needs it!

Photo by Dick Blume, Syracuse Post-Standard. With Matthew Hayward as KoKo.

There is a lovely article in today's Syracuse Post-Standard, by the arts editor Melinda Johnson, who interviewed my colleague and me last week. I'm tickled to death that she mentioned my "attractive looks" despite the makeup. This was another first for me --- no publicity has ever mentioned my appearance before. They rarely do it when you're fat, unless it's to announce that you are fat in some sort of coded language (aka "the Rubenesque mezzo" or some such). I know I shouldn't get so excited about something so silly, and the truth is that I would MUCH rather someone talk about my accomplishments or performances; but nevertheless, I must admit: I'm gratified.

10x10-25

I did manage to get on the scale yesterday, but not before I worked out late in the day, so it's not the most accurate reading. However, from my last at-home weigh-in about four weeks ago, I've lost five pounds. Yaay! After the way I ate yesterday, however, I figure I probably came out even. I did great for breakfast and lunch, but after my workout I was completely bushed and feeling peaked; I needed to eat. Downtown Syracuse has very little within walking distance of our rehearsal space, and everything was PACKED because it turned out that A Chorus Line was opening in the Civic Center across the street. I ended up at a pub having a burger and onion rings ... which I do not in the least regret. I haven't had a burger in about 2 years and this was a FANTASTIC burger. (And then I went to rehearsal and ran around the stage for two hours ... so, like I said ... even).

Today's plan, however, is to keep it light light light, especially since there will be no workout (other than the running around the stage this evening). I love big spinach salads with some fresh apple or pear, a few pecans, and some bleu cheese. That's my lunch! Dinner is leftovers --- veggies and a slice of veggie pizza with whole wheat crust.

Let's hear from you, Challengers --- especially those who haven't posted recently! Are there any particular issues you'd like to see addressed in this space? How are you doing? Speak up!

 

PRESS, GUILT, AND GHETTO GRANNIES

 

David Ward (Bartolo) and me (Marcellina); photo by Robin McGee

The first review from Figaro is out, and it's a nice one for all of us. Reviews are a funny thing. In this day and age, limited space is given to reviewing opera (some papers are more generous than others; the Register is one that doesn't skimp; and the big city papers like the New York Times are always an exception) and they are usually rather general in nature. That is, there is rarely any in-depth discussion of the singing or the voices, and this is pretty frustrating to the singers. But then, even though we need the reviews for our portfolios, sort of a "Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval" to help get a foot in the door for the next audition, reviews aren't really written for our benefit. They are meant for the audience.

I am amused and rather gratified to be referred to as "saucy". What amuses me about it is that it strikes me as a sort of proof, if you will, of how I might appear to others. You will never, ever see a fat girl referred to as "saucy" in print. I didn't realize until I saw the review and had a strong emotional reaction to it how much of a battle still rages on in my mind about this; on some level, I always feel that I'm just "passing" and that my former fatness could jump out of a closet or maybe the refrigerator door at any moment and highjack my body back to its former state. I always feel that I'm not quite far enough away from where I was; I want to lose more; be fitter. More on that later.

When I mentioned this to my stage husband David Ward, he said, "But you're not fat! Old tapes"! (Have I mentioned that I adore him, and not just because he says nice things to me)?

One of my online buddies must have been reading my mind over the last couple of days; she herself blogged about how important it is for women especially to let go of guilt. Ironically, on the same day, I had posted on the Athletic Performer FaceBook page , "Part of the process for me right now is accepting what I can and can't accomplish in the time given me, and letting go of guilt and fear when I can't stick to the schedule I've laid out."

This guilt and fear springs from my strong desire not to backslide, and the awareness that it is an eternal struggle. So I am working on accepting that struggle without letting it become a judgment on myself (i.e. it's a struggle, so I must be weak-willed, which I know is not true).

Last night was the first orchestra dress rehearsal for Susannah, and tonight will be the second. My character is the leader of a quartet of stern old biddies, as you can see here:

It's the Ghetto Grannies, yo!

These are our costumes for the picnic scene; I have a photo of my great-grandmother wearing an apron and dress very much like this! She's not making gang signs, though.

It's another gorgeous, cool, sunny day, and I am going to take advantage of it by going for as long as run as I can manage. The weather is supposed to turn nasty again next week so I need to run while I can. Then it's off to New Hope Valley, Tennessee for the revival meetin' (aka, dress rehearsal). This is another terrific show; if you're in the vicinity, please come!

RADIO STAR!

Breaking news ---

If you are in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, or within listening range of FM 107.1 and the Ian and Margery morning show, tune in on Wednesday, January 14th at 8:05 a.m.! They are going to interview me about my weight loss. You can also listen online.

***
How many calories a day do you need to burn in order to lose weight?

The answer is surprisingly hard to come by, considering the number of online calculators available. You input age, gender, height, weight, and activity level, and out pops the maximum number of calories you should consume in order to lose weight. The problem with most of the online calculators I've seen is that they don't define activity level for you, or don't define it well. Also, they do not take into account whether you've been dieting for a while already, which certainly affects how much you are able to take in and still lose.

You really want to consume close to the top of the range for as long as you can, since at some point you will have to start cutting back to stimulate your metabolism (and also since the lighter you are, the fewer calories you need. Mostly. Sort of. It's complicated). The point is, you don't want to have to cut too far back too soon, because that means giving up some of the goodies that make life bearable. It's better to wean yourself off them a little at a time. If you're not sure how many calories you should be eating in order to lose, consult a pro --- your doctor or a personal trainer, or better yet both --- and also simply pay attention. When you stop losing, it's probably time to cut 100-200 calories and give that ol' metabolism a jumpstart.

I'm struggling with this issue right now because I'm not sure whether I'm getting too many calories or too few, or maybe not enough of the right kind. I'm probably going to have to count them for a while to figure it out (and I do hate counting calories; heck, does anybody really LIKE it?). On the good side, Eric is finally home and we're both ready to buckle down and put holiday excess behind us. We're a team again, and that makes it easier! On the menu this week: pumpkin/sweet potato soup (jazzed up with tofu for extra protein) topped with banana rolled in ground pecans and a little maple syrup and served with a crunchy green salad; also veggie tempeh enchiladas made with fresh green salsa and served with guacamole. Mmmm!

EVERYBODY LIKES A GOOD WEIGHT LOSS STORY

I'm getting more press for losing weight than I ever have for singing (okay, not really, but it seems that way). A couple of weeks ago, Pamela LeBlanc, the fitness writer for the Austin American Statesman, came out to my house and interviewed me. She was delightful --- trim and very fit herself, friendly, a great listener, good at putting her subject at ease, and she even is a budding opera fan! After chatting for a while, we figured out that she had seen me perform at least once.

So here's the story, with some nice photos. I'm not sure whether I'm giving the impression that I decided to lose weight primarily for my career (I did not; it was one factor out of many. I've been a singin' fat girl for a long time now so it's not like it was stopping me from having a career) or if that just makes a better angle. But other than that, I thought it was a very good article and encompassed what we discussed very well.

Real post coming soon. I'm currently in a beautiful conference center in Princeton, NJ, getting ready to give a business seminar to young singers. Wait til you hear about my Battle with the Buffet!