The Next Hundred Pounds

DINE'N'DIET!

Well, it’s crunch week. We started off on Sunday with a trip to the opera, where I was listening (not singing this time!) but was very gratified to see a number of friends that I hadn’t seen in months, and get a big reaction. I got to visit with the fabulous, glamourous pianist who played rehearsals a year ago when I was in New Orleans, Miss Dottie. Miss D and I used to meet in the teensy tiny workout room at the hotel, and gab while we took turns on the wobbly elliptical and screechy treadmill; but hey, it made the time pass! This time a year ago, I was down about thirty pounds, and now I’m down almost a hundred more from that! So Miss D was quite surprised at the change.

After the opera, we met friends at an Italian restaurant, which I knew was going to be a big challenge. This is a chain that offers family style meals, but they do have a couple of things on the healthier side, and in researching their menu, I discovered something really cool: HealthyDiningFinder.com.

This is a site developed by the Healthy Dining Program, in conjunction with the National Restaurant Association and the Center for Disease Control. Restaurants can register with the site, and cooperate with a staff of nutritionists who identify menu items which meet the program’s standards for healthy dining. Diners can then search for restaurants from fast food chains to high end local eateries for healthier choices on the menus.

The site is a great idea, though its usefulness is currently limited in scope by the relatively small number of registered restaurants. A search for my area yielded about 18 restaurants, mostly fast food joints or chains where I would never set foot. And the healthy menu choices are pretty depressing; mostly chicken salads. But there are a few surprises. The Italian place offered a frutta di mare which was delicious and pretty healthy, although I still don’t believe they really served us the whole wheat pasta I requested. Plus, you have to police your portion size pretty strictly. But as more restaurants register (or if life is not worth living if you can’t eat at Burger King every once in a while), HealthyDiningFinder.com could turn out to be a real find for dieting diners.

Tomorrow (the 18th) is our anniversary (eight years). Originally, we wanted to go hiking at Lost Maples State Natural Area, home to the most fall color you’ll see in Texas, but unfortunately it’s an overnight trip and since I leave for a week in San Antone on Friday, another overnighter was just not in the cards. There’s just too much to do, including getting my dresses hemmed, teaching a bunch of rescheduled voice lessons, and helping the local Girl Scout troop out with their Stage Makeup Merit Badge. So, we’re opting to relax instead and get a massage, followed by dinner at one of our favorite local seafood places. But, you see where this is heading --- a LOT of eating out this week, and Thanksgiving nearly upon us! And I still don’t know what the situation with the hotel is going to be. It seems I must call in the morning to ascertain the availability of a mini-fridge, which would make my life easier; though I could always make do with a cooler. I’ve done it before, and since we’re driving to San Antonio, packing is not an issue. I intend to go in full diva mode, complete with train of bellboys. Ahem.

I do know that the hotel has workout facilities, and San Antonio is a walking-friendly city (in places, at least). So I’ll be covered there. This is important, because I read a blurb in Health Magazine about a study done at the University of Pittsburgh, which states that women who lose 10% of their body weight (I’ve lost 40%) have to exercise 55 minutes a day, five days a week to maintain their loss.  The study subjects who were successful in maintaining their weight losses kept the training schedule up for two years.  Yikes! I’d better step it up; I’ve been slacking ever so slightly lately, and we can’t have that. I want to EAT on Turkey Day!

A QUICK LITTLE REPORT

Home from NYC; the trip back was much smoother than the trip going, although not without glitches: my reading light didn’t work, the flight attendants merely smirked and said they’d report it and hey, I could switch seats with the guy in the middle. Luckily for me, the guy in the middle was very sweet and focused his light so I could use it, and kindly left it on. Yaaay for nice people.

I once again braved the food bar at Whole Foods, and I managed to behave myself this time. I got a big salad for dinner and boy, was I happy when they were passing out those miserable little turkey club sandwiches on what my favorite aunt (God rest her soul) would have called “library paste white bread”.  I admit, when Continental boasts about “still providing meals at mealtime” I snort out loud.  A piece of lunchmeat with iceberg lettuce on a roll the size of my palm may pass for food, but it is not by any stretch a meal.

But I digress.

Here’s the really important thing about my NY trip. I did not maintain my weight this time.

I LOST!!!!

Even with eating at my beloved Niko’s and at the diner. Even with hitting the dangerous food bar at Whole Foods. Even with not doing any more exercise than walking while hauling a rolling briefcase.

So it can be done. Whattaya know.

MINDFULNESS

The weather in New York has been chilly, but sunny and nice. There’s a lot of fall color, beautiful to see --- we do have some in Texas, but it’s much more subtle, and most of it won’t even show until December!

Despite the bumpy start, it’s been a good trip. I’ve had two good voice lessons and a coaching. A little background for the civilians, based on FAQ: yes, professional singers usually continue to study with their teachers. The voice is a sensitive and unique instrument which requires regular calibration! Every new role presents new challenges; even a familiar role feels different as the voice matures and changes. A voice lesson is about vocal technique: the how-tos, if you will. A coaching is done with a skilled pianist who is knowledgeable about repertoire, diction, style, and singing, but is rarely himself a singer. Coaches do not (or should not) offer technical advice. Instead, they work with you on the fine points of the music and the language. Ideally, I would have one voice lesson and one coaching every week, but in reality for a pro, that rarely happens . So I try to pack as many lessons and coachings as I possibly can into every trip!

I also had a good audition. Keep your fingers crossed, or as we say in my family, send good vibes! The economic disasters are starting to hit opera companies; a couple have already closed and many are scaling back on their seasons. A friend still hasn’t received half a fee from a job done last summer, and it doesn’t look like that fee will ever materialize. Contrary to popular belief, very few opera singers get rich doing what we do. We are all free-lancers, which means we are self-employed and get no benefits, plus we pay double taxes (and commission to our agents!). You can see how, when a  contract or, worse yet, a paycheck for work already rendered falls through, it’s a big deal. My friend who isn’t getting paid lost money on that gig because it was necessary to be on the road for a month to rehearse and perform. And opera singers do not have expense accounts.

With budget as well as waistline in mind, I’ve been careful here, but not as careful as I could have been.  Sometimes convenience and exhaustion have trumped my obsession with not gaining during my travel. I’m ok with that --- it just means having to work harder and be extra careful when I get home. Most importantly, though, I have been adhering to my principles for Bunny Slipper Camp --- I’ve planned as well as I could, and I have been mindful. 

I WILL BE MINDFUL.

I WILL REFUSE TO DILUTE THE LIVING OF MY LIFE BY OVERDOING.

One of the most valuable principles of the Beck Diet Solution is to be mindful of what you are eating. It’s very easy for us to sit down with a bowl of popcorn or nuts or M&M’s and pop one after another into our mouths, consuming many more calories than we thought of or planned without really paying attention. And if we’re not paying attention, what is the point of eating?

The same is true of the holidays in general. These are supposed to be times of joy, of reconnecting with family and friends, celebrating, fun, and indulgence. But too often we rush from one engagement to another, or overload ourselves with activities and tasks that ultimately aren’t so important. A great deal of pressure is put on us by the media, and much of it is focused on making us feel inadequate and threatened. Find THE PERFECT GIFT or you’re a loser as a friend. Spend a lot of money or your family will think you’re cheap and selfish and no one will have a good holiday! Make your house look like this one in the magazine (which has been expensively and professionally decorated by an entire team of people whose job it is to do this, and in which no one actually lives anyway) or you aren’t in the spirit! Cook this fabulously complicated meal! Buy this fabulously expensive dress and all the right accessories to go with it! Spend, eat, do, attend, make, buy, decorate, chase after the impossible dream.

Stop. Just stop and breathe.

You do not need to spend a fortune. You do not need to make yourself or your house look like something out of a magazine. Anything that costs more than $5 is not, in fact, a “stocking stuffer”.  You do not have to make your entire holiday meal from scratch (unless that’s what you like doing).

What you do need to do is slow down and concentrate on what is REALLY important. We are in a major economic slump. Nobody needs to be out spending a lot of money right now. It’s the perfect time to have an old-fashioned, slow, down home style holiday season. It’s the perfect time to be mindful of your choices, and to choose what makes you sane and happy rather than what makes you frenzied.

Now is the perfect time to practice saying to yourself, “So what?”

So what if you don’t go to four different New Year’s Eve parties? So what if you stay home and pop popcorn and watch old movies  and play board games with your loved ones?

So what if you don’t buy any new outfits for the holiday season? Don’t you have enough already? Can’t you play around with what’s in your closet and come up with something fabulous from what you have?

So what if you don’t get, or give, a lot of presents? How much stuff do we all really need anyway? What would be the big deal about giving gift certificates instead of running around like a chicken with your head cut off, doing mad shopping?

Now is the time to choose the things you really enjoy, as well as the things you must do, and let the rest go. If you really love cooking the entire holiday meal from scratch (and I really do), then make the time to do it, and love every moment of it. If you really love shopping for the perfect gift for each and every person on your list, by all means do it. But make the time to do it in such as way that you are concentrating on the real reasons behind it --- because you love this person and you want to make them happy, because you love this particular task and it fulfills you in some way. Be present in what you do.

The rest of it we really don’t need.

This holiday season, I am making a list of tasks that need to be done, and when they need to be accomplished. I do enjoy shopping but I have neither the time nor a great deal of money for it this year, so I suspect that a lot of people on my list are going to get a modest gift certificate or some homemade baked goods, and as usual, I’ll take the kids shopping after Christmas for something they really wanted and didn’t get.

This season, shoot for quality over quantity. Shoot for the intimate and meaningful over the mass-produced and commercial.  It will be healthier for your mind, your body, and your budget.

EMERGENCY RATIONS

Emergency is the mother of invention! Well, emergency might be a little extreme. No one’s going to die if they have to fly into New York without makeup on, or style their hair without gel (well, somebody like Heidi Klum might. Then again, she probably looks amazing without any styling at all). Still, I am pleased that I managed a little camoflauge, using only a pinky nude lipstick and some very overpriced-yet-low rent eyeliner and mascara I picked up at the hotel’s  understocked gift shop. Hairspray makes a fine styling product, even applied to semi-dry hair. However, there were some close calls with the round brush, which I have yet to master. I almost had to fly with a big round brush hanging off the side of my head, hopelessly entangled in what’s left of my hair.

I’m even more pleased with my breakfast discovery. It’s been a long time since I had any Philly cream cheese, and maybe it was just this packet, but it tasted like donkey butt. Not that I know what donkey butt tastes like. I’m speculating here. And the $3 fruit cup from Starbucks consisted largely of underage melon paired with grapes well on their way to raisinhood. However, as it turns out, half a banana smooshed onto a bagel and studded with a few cashews turns out to be exxxxcellent. Nutrition-wise, I’d prefer an English muffin or some whole wheat toast to a bagel, but sometimes you gotta work with what’s on hand.

As it turned out, today was a day about improvisation.  The nice people at the Continental counter in Houston raised my hopes high (your bag is in LaGuardia, they said!) only to vilely dash them on my arrival (your bag is in Newark, they said!). I was forced to scavenge the airport for warm clothing, as my coat is in the suitcase and the sweater I’ve been wearing since yesterday morning is not sufficient for the local weather. By the time I dealt with filing a claim, it was too late to do anything but go straight to my voice lesson, driven by one of those New York cabbies who has no idea how to get to upstate Manhattan from the airport. At least he was nice. After my lesson, I called and wrangled with someone about the bag some more, and got pretty pissed off when the convenience of the delivery guy was repeatedly mentioned. I might have said something about how inconvenient it was for me to have my bag taken to Newark when I was flying to LaGuardia, not that they care. By the time that was over, I just had to get to my coaching. So, lunch was a protein bar. At least I wasn’t pigging out.

By the time the coaching was over and I’d finally heard from Continental that they will get around to bringing my bag sometime between 9 and 10 p.m. this evening (!!!) , I was exhausted, cold, and hungry. I gave up and went to Niko’s  for a salad and their delicious, and I think, healthy, bouillabaisse (it’s in a light broth with lots of very fresh veggies and herbs … SO good). I ended up bringing half of it home. And I did have dessert. So, the rest of the trip will be on the austerity plan.

In order to combat the dreaded travel pounds, I’ve decided to stick with yogurt breakfasts for the trip; and soup and salad lunches. Surely I can get some soup that isn’t cream-based and aggressively salted. For dinner, I’ve decided to try getting Egg Beaters and some pre-chopped veggies, and making omelettes. I’d prefer fresh eggs but I’m only here a couple of days, so I don’t want to buy half a dozen.  Also, the weather looks better this time around, so I should be able to get some exercise in.

But enough of my travel adventures.  It’s time to continue with HOLIDAY BUNNY SLIPPER CAMP 2008, and more on planning.

In my last post on the subject, we discussed making time to make time. I have some special challenges this holiday season. Eric and I usually do the big Thanksgiving meal, which is quite an event; but this year, I will be in San Antonio doing my concert the week before. The final performance is the day before Thanksgiving. Our usual weeklong shopping and cooking extravaganza is probably not going to work out this year, and this is especially disappointing, since Eric is going to be in France for Christmas. (We luuuuurvvve to cook big fancy meals for the whole family).  We plan the menu far in advance and carefully plot what can be prepared early. We have a battle plan for the week, and cook every day leading up to the Big T. Being ultra-organized means a more enjoyable holiday, and more time spent with our family and friends.

It’s just harder this year.  I have my audition trips. I have a week of rehearsal during which I will sometimes be making the long drive between San Antonio and Austin, or staying over in a hotel  (still no word on whether I will have access to a kitchen). Thanksgiving.  End of the semester and lots of make-ups for my students,  which further disrupts my normal schedule. More audition trips. And don’t even get me started on Christmas. I have to make it through this month without going insane and eating an entire chocolate cake, or falling off the workouts. It’s very important to me to keep losing weight, even if it’s only a little.

So, I’m sitting down with my PDA (right now! On the flight, since I’m a captive audience!) and scheduling in all the big things. I am going to plan my food out roughly, as far in advance as I can. I’m going to make a tentative holiday meal plan. We usually go all out, but I think this time we’re going to focus on making the most delicious healthy things we can, rather than throw caution to the wind and load up on fat and sugar.  There was a time when that would have seemed horribly restrictive to me, but since I enjoy cooking and experimenting with food, it now seems like an attractive challenge; and definitely more appetizing.

One thing we do always schedule into our holiday is a big family walk. Last year, we put the turkey in to roast and headed out to the trail for a brisk, refreshing jaunt. Later, after the meal, the whole gang went out to the park for a little stroll before convening back home for dessert and coffee. Such a lovely, civilized way to do things.  We did something similar at Christmas, taking all the kids to the park to let them run off some steam, and I hope this will become the new  extended family tradition.

Of course, as current events conspire to teach us, the best-laid plans often go awry. In helping myself with eating on plan, a while back I created an informal list of alternative meals I could always have if my planned one fell through. For example, you can find a grilled chicken salad just about anywhere.  You can find yogurt and fresh fruit in many places. The problem for me now is that I have become über-picky about the nutritional content of my food. I want it fresh, organic if possible, and more or less plain. Yesterday, of necessity, we had lunch out at Hyde Park Bar and Grill, which is usually very good. I thought I was safe ordering a pasta dish with veggies; the waiter said that the only sauce was olive oil and parmesean cheese. I asked for the cheese on the side and specified that I did not want any oil ADDED to the pasta; it would be enough to cook the veggies in a little and put them on top. But the dish arrived gleaming with grease, and couldn’t have had more than a half cup of diced veggies on it (none of which appeared to be the promised garlic). Not to mention that there were probably about six servings of pasta in that bowl. I picked out the veggies and left most of the pasta in the dish.  At least they respected my request not to salt it.

So, sometimes I just have to do the best I can, like today, and make up for it when I can. I’m going to work on coming up with a new list of things I can likely grab when traveling; mere sustenance is not enough; you need satisfaction as well.  The banana-cashew mash is definitely going on the roster! Wish I’d thought of it before the donkey butt cream cheese debacle.

THE GLAMOUR OF TRAVEL

There’s a theatrical superstition about dress rehearsals. You don’t want your dress rehearsal to be too good; if it is, it may suck the juice out of opening night. Ideally, the dress rehearsal still has a few bumps and lumps, still leaves a little to be desired, so you can ramp up the energy for the opening.

Would that the same were true of travel. Would that a bumpy ride indicated smooth sailing upon reaching one’s destination! Because, if it did, I would be assured of having a kickass audition on Wednesday.

I’m writing from the Sheraton Airport in Houston. I did not make it to New York as planned tonight; thanks to weather delays and a variety of mechanical and sundry mystery issues. Not only did I spend several hours sitting around the airport this evening, but I once again failed to bring my carefully planned dinner. (This time, at least, I caught my mistake in time to replace it with a healthy salad).  Long story short, should the gods of travel be sufficiently placated on the morrow, I will be on the first flight out and should arrive in Manhattan in time for my voice lesson (and boy, would it suck it if I didn’t). Armed with a twelve dollar food voucher and the realization that nothing would be open when I board the plane, I stocked up on goodies at Starbuck’s: a cup of fruit, 140 calories. A bag of cashews, 150 calories for 1/3 of the bag. An ounce of cream cheese, 100 calories for an ounce.  The barrista, when asked, disappeared into the back for a long time and then emerged to tell me that a plain bagel was 110 calories. I don’t know where he got that info. Calorie King says it’s 430 calories. Can that be right? MyFitnessPal says 330. The Daily Plate says 280. Yeeesh!  Guess I’ll play it safe and have the fruit, half a bagel, and half the cream cheese. The rest will be emergency rations!

It’s going to be interesting arriving tomorrow and finding out whether my luggage made it to LaGuardia, or went to Newark with most of the people on my flight who chose to go there tonight rather than waiting for morning.  Interesting because I have no clothes but the ones on my back. My coat is in the checked luggage and I have a light sweater. I may be buying souvenir sweatshirts at the airport tomorrow morning. I just hope my luggage makes it to my lodging, because otherwise tomorrow is going to be about shopping for a new audition outfit.

Yes, the life of an opera singer is exciting. Sometimes I wish it were a little less so!

DRESS PARADE

There’s a wonderful short story by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. called “Who Am I This Time?” about a couple who meet and fall in love during a community theater production of “A Streetcar Named Desire”. In their real lives they are somewhat mousy and dull, but a transformation occurs in front of the footlights.

Part of the fun of being an opera singer is getting to be different people, and part of that fun is getting to play dress up for a living. I have a concert coming up November 25 and 26 (the beautiful Mascagni masterpiece, Cavalleria rusticana, at San Antonio Opera, starring Andrea Bocelli and Veronica Villarreol). Since I’ve been shrinking, I am clean out of gowns, and that means a shopping trip or four.

I’m one of those people who can’t stand to pay full price for anything, so I’ve been hitting the clearance racks and done pretty well so far. Also, a mezzo friend who is a championship bargain shopper and self-professed gown … ahem …  well, let’s just say gown grabber, sent me a couple of beautiful things. I plan to hit Loehmann’s , the discount gown mecca, during my upcoming trip to New York. But I’m only keeping one … or maybe two. We’ll see.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is the parade ‘o’gowns thus far. Oh, and I’m debuting my new haircut which my agent made me get. (He didn’t hold me down and force me, but he did bring it up. A LOT). It’s a good cut, but I’m not that crazy about it on me and I don’t know what in blazes to do with it for the concert. Meh.

This is one of the dresses sent by my tasteful friend. The color doesn't show well here, but it is a deep burgundy. As much as I love it, as you can no doubt see, spring is bustin' out all over. I don't know if it will fit better once I've lost a little more, so I'll hang on to it for a while, but sadly it's not going to work for this upcoming concert.

 

Next, another goodie from my friend. This is a beautiful beaded bustier over a chiffon skirt ... and it's actually a little too loose, I'm afraid. It fits but to be really flattering it needs to be snugger. It's very difficult to take in beaded things, so while I'm keeping this as an option, I don't think it will work for the concert either.

 Dress #3 is one I bought off the rack. It's a bit sparklier than it shows in this picture --- the color is a rich brown, the lace has a scattering of sequins, and it's the sort of thing that will probably look very pretty when the stage lights hit it. I like the lace neckline but I fear the dress itself may be a little matronly. That would be fine for my character in the upcoming concert (who is, after all, an Italian mama), but not the general image I wish to project on the concert stage!

Now, this green dress ...

... this is more my style. It's silk (yes, yes, it needs to be steamed!) and way too long, but those things are easily fixed. It's also probably way too sexy for my character, but I could always add a shawl. I'm keeping this one, regardless. It was a bargain and I love it!

So, the search goes on. I'm just really excited to be able to have a wider range of beautiful gowns to choose from, now that I'm a smaller size. When you're plus, a lot of what you see out there is very "mother of the bride". It's getting better but there's still a long way to go.

I leave tomorrow for New York, and as usual I'm concerned about gaining weight while I travel. With the
colder weather I've been wanting to eat everything in sight anyway, and have had a couple of less-than-stellar days in terms of sticking to my food plan; coupled with a couple of days when I perhaps could have worked out more or harder. So it's really important that I stick with the program over the next few days. I've already packed a dinner to carry on the plane with me tomorrow night! It's a start.
 

 

THE BEST-LAID PLANS ...

No sooner did I pontificate about planning, than my own fledgling plans were thrown into an uproar by a few emails from my agent. Now, this is part of the job of a singer, and I’m kind of used to it, but it always discombobulates me a little because my duckies, I do like them to be in a nice, straight little row.  As a result of all this good news (auditions!) I have not yet taken my own advice to MAKE TIME TO MAKE TIME. But I will, I will. As one of those people who needs lots and lots of toys to keep herself out of trouble during long flights, my next trip to NYC will be the perfect time to map out the holiday season as best I may. I don’t need to be reading all those trashy magazines anyway.

A last-minute audition has come up, so I’ve been rushing about the last few days making travel arrangements, shuffling my students around, booking voice lessons, coachings, and an accompanist for the audition, practicing, learning a new piece in Czech (a language I do not speak and with which I have no prior experience), getting the haircut my agent insisted on, learning how to style the new haircut my agent insisted on, taking my dress to the dry cleaner’s, copying resumes and photos, shopping for a new concert gown, finishing up an article for Classical Singer Magazine, and all manner of equally glamorous chores.  I am proud that I have MADE myself keep exercising. Tonight I went to the gym and did a full hour on the elliptical, although I would have much preferred to stay home and watch the Ugly Betty DVD with my husband. But there is no rest for the ample-assed, even the newly diabetes-free AA.

You see, it’s going to be a very busy and challenging November, program-wise.   I leave for NYC on Monday, and as we all know, I fear the dreaded Travel Pounds.  The last trip was a success but also very difficult; I have decided that while yogurt and salad are lovely healthful meals for warm weather travel, they are not going to cut it when baby it’s cold outside. There are some good soup places in NYC; maybe I can find some soups that aren’t full of cream and laden with sodium. At least they all have to post calorie content now.

As soon as I hit the ground from NYC, our anniversary looms. Immediately after that, I’m off to San Antonio for the week to rehearse for the concert with Andrea Bocelli. I’ll be staying overnight several times, and I have no idea where they’re putting me up, or whether I’ll be able to cook or at least store food. And then it’s Thanksgiving, and then there’s another trip to NY.

Don’t get me wrong, I am THRILLED to be so busy with my singing career; but the schedule is conspiring against my exercise and eating plan! I am going to have to be especially vigilant. It’s harder when it gets colder; you want to eat more, and eat more heavy stuff.  And it’s harder to get outdoor exercise in.  But this is the job. This is my life. It’s just what I gotta do.

TEMPTATION, FRUSTRATION

Walking the thirty blocks back to the apartment after my lesson and coaching last night, past restaurant after restaurant, was a bit of a trial. I get up at 3:30 a.m. for these treks to New York, and usually I land, drop my stuff (or haul it with me), and head off for a voice lesson right away. Gotta get my money’s worth out of the trip, wring every drop of worth from the limited time I have here. It’s one of the prices I pay for not living in New York, epicenter of the classical music scene in the US. The stress of the morning only added to my weariness, and with every step, those naughty, insidious voices in my head were trying to convince me to just stop and eat at a restaurant. Look, there’s an Indian place! You love Indian food! You could go into that diner and get a salad, salad’s what you planned. And maybe a nice bowl of matzo ball soup. It’s cold and your voice is tired. It would be soothing. Hey, maybe you could go down to Whole Foods in Columbus Circle.

It’s like being surrounded by kids in the grocery store, clamoring for gum and candy bars. You want to yell “STFU!” but that would be inappropriate. And crazy.

What I did was be the mommy. Every time my inner child was whining for treats, or trying to convince me there was a “legal” way to get them, I told it sternly, “NO. We are NOT eating out. We are getting a salad at the grocery store and eating it at home.”

Grown-up me won.

She won again today when, after slogging around through the cold rain all afternoon, soup sounded soooo much better than the salad that was waiting for me back at the apartment. I really, really wanted a hot meal. But I had already had my indulgence for the day, and probably a little too much of it (yes, yes, it was that damn dessert cart at Whole Foods, where I stopped for lunch after my audition. At least I took the smallest available container!) so no soup for me!

Also, thanks to the lousy weather, there would be no frolicking in Central Park. Instead I changed my flight to come home earlier. So, I have my pre-flight yogurt --- does that qualify as a liquid, do you think? I wonder if I can get it through security! --- and a lunch from Whole Foods (no dessert this time, thank you) and I am hopeful that when I get on the scale Thursday morning, all will be right with the world. Oh, I won’t weep and gnash my teeth if there’s a bit of a gain (at least, not for very long) but I’d really rather see my good behavior rewarded.

And can I just say how wonderful it is that chain restaurants have to publish calorie content on menus in New York? Because otherwise, I might have convinced myself to warm up with a Starbuck’s hot chocolate that, as it turns out, has SEVEN HUNDRED TWENTY-ONE CALORIES. What do they do, melt a stick of butter in it?

Seriously, I am going to have to find some cold weather alternatives to yogurt and salad for my travels. When my hosts came home and made delicious-smelling toast and eggs, I thought I was going to eat my own tongue, and I’d already had dinner. Hmm. An omelette isn’t a bad idea, provided I could find a place that would let me buy just two eggs!

HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT

One thing you can be sure of when you travel is that you can be sure of nothing. Plans may be meticulously researched and laid, reservations made and confirmed, programs to ensure better service enrolled in, but with a single glitch they are all erased, leaving you with no choice but to demonstrate your improvisational skills.

In the case of this morning’s adventure, it could have all been prevented with some actual customer service from Continental (with whom I am, after all, a so-called Elite member, supposedly entitled to certain advantages including a special customer service desk which usually offers a slightly better grade of  service). The flight was crowded and on-board storage quickly filled up, so we were asked to gate-check bags. The flight attendant tapped my computer backpack, but I told her it couldn’t go; however I also had a smaller carryon, and that was fine. It was very early, it was rushed, and I didn’t stop to think about what was in the bag. But I also assumed, as has been the case in the past, that it would be returned to me in Houston. No one said a word about it being checked through to LaGuardia.

That bag contained my purse, my lunch, and my camera, among other things. It was not locked.

After multiple upsetting and fruitless attempts to explain the situation to a progression of marginally interested Continental employees, all of whom wanted to send me to baggage claim despite the facts that 1) my bag was most likely being loaded on the flight I was about to board as we spoke and 2) the flight was at that very moment boarding, I gave up. No one wanted to take a complaint; they simply handed me a phone number. I’ll be writing a letter to Continental’s CEO, thank you very much. It makes me feel like such an old fogey, but really, what’s up with so-called customer service these days? And doesn’t anyone have a modicum of common sense?

I boarded my flight to New York furious and embarrassingly in tears, and proceeded to unleash wrath in the pages of my journal. Even as I was madly seeking catharsis by scribbling the details of my experience, the sneaky thought crossed my mind, “I’m going to have a really good dinner tonight!” There it was, a nasty old habit, trying to worm its way in through a weak spot. The thought that my distress deserved to be treated with food, and not just any food, but good food, high calorie, indulgent, fatty, pound-adding food. And most likely too much of it.

In the next paragraph, I called this saboteur out. “I will NOT,” I wrote, “allow this experience to derail me.” And I poured my wrath out on paper, wrath now swollen with indignation at the audacity of that old, vanquished habit. I poured out my new plan, calling in the reinforcements of tools I’ve learned and honed over the past year.

If you are not an overeater, if you’ve never had issues with food or a weight problem, it may seems very strange to you that the act of losing my carefully planned lunch, or being so upset by a stray thought about  food, would be such a big deal. Well, it is a big deal, but I hope to make it less of one in time. In fact, that’s exactly what I have done. I immediately made alternate plans for lunch. I took a banana from the breakfast cart and can supplement it with a protein bar, if need be. If, when we land, my bag is present and intact, I can still enjoy the healthy lunch I brought. I will not dose myself with an orgy of carbs, fat, and sugar at dinnertime; I will stick to the plan I made before. Even if my purse is gone, I have enough cash on me to buy a grocery store salad.

As I plot my course to a new way of life, it is critical for me to do the best I can to anticipate the bumps and prepare for them. I want to avoid gaining weight during my travels, which requires a great deal of effort and watchfulness, so that stupid little homemade lunch was important. I have to stamp out those sabotaging thoughts when I discover them, especially when they’re sneaky and insidious. And yes, it’s kind of upsetting for one to rear its ugly head long after I thought it banished for good. I guess they’re never gone for good, but at least I can deal with them. Some things can’t be eradicated; some things can only be managed.

So. Here I sit, with about another hour to go on my flight, desperately hoping that no enterprising baggage handler has or will go through my stuff and help himself. (It’s not like it hasn’t happened, and we are entering into times of heightened desperation).  But after my initial flurry of emotion, I clicked into Survival Mode and now I have plans in place, both for dealing with the possible loss of my credit cards and cash, and with handling the stress through means other than eating. More than anything, I am determined not to allow this unpleasant incident to derail my audition. Crap happens all the time. This is far from the worst that could happen to me.

I will deal. I can, and I must.

Update: my bag and its contents arrived safely, thank goodness. I ate my lunch in the cab on the way into Manhattan and now I am resting up a little before I head out to my voice lesson and coaching.  I feel very happy and strong that I didn’t panic about food and overcompensate, and I know I will do just fine this evening when dinner time rolls around!

SHUN THE TRAVEL POUNDS! SHUUUUUUNNNN!

Wish me luck, everyone.

Early early early tomorrow morning I fly out to New York. I have an audition on Tuesday. That’s not what the luck is for, though good wishes in that arena would certainly be appreciated as well. No, I am soliciting “no additional poundage” vibes, and they are much needed, because it’s very hard to travel and not to gain. I managed it on the last trip, only to pack on a few the minute I got home; but this time my strategy is different and, I hope, better.

My healthy yogurt breakfast and a lunch of peanut butter sandwich, apple, carrot and celery sticks is all packed.  Tucked in my bag are protein bars, nuts, and vacuum-packed tuna. I’ll land, rush to my lodgings to dump my bags, rush to a voice lesson, and from there rush to a coaching.  Then, finally, I’ll be able to drop by the grocery store on the way home to stock up on salad and fruit.

My goal is to avoid eating out at all, and to treat my typical whirlwind New York trip like a mini-boot camp rather than an opportunity to indulge. Also in my bags are workout duds. I’m going to hit the Central Park reservoir track at least two of the three days I’m there.

I’ve been doing so well this month, and I really don’t want to jinx it!