The Next Hundred Pounds

STRESS AS A FACTOR IN FITNESS

It never occurred to me that, in my years-long struggle towards better fitness, that I would need to worry about stress. Weight? Various health issues resulting from years of being overweight? Sports injuries? My neverending struggle with food? Sure, all of those were and are constant considerations, but the idea that I needed to pay attention to my stress level just never entered the picture. After all, I've always been pretty happy, overall, and in my circle of friends I tend to be the one others come to for advice (Yes. I am a bossy know-it-all. It's part of my charm).

Stress was just one of those things you put up with, take a deep breath or a long hot bath, cry if you have to, drink a glass of wine if it's been a really bad day, and then get up the next morning and get on with your life.

But over the Christmas break, I had this mysterious, debilitating illness ...which after much investigation turned out to be nothing more than the accumulation of stress, stress I didn't even realize I was feeling. And while I am doing SO much better, and physically am back to normal, I now realize that stress is another factor of the overall fitness picture that must be accounted for.

Meanwhile, as I continue to struggle and flounder and somehow keep my head above water (but only just), one of my daily battles is to JUST SAY NO to shame and guilt. It is more than counterproductive; it is destructive. And I've worked too hard to be self-destructive now.

Yesterday was a very long day of rehearsal; and though I'd planned to come home and work out in the evening, at the end of the day it was more important to go out and unwind with my colleagues; and this unwinding ended up involving many more carbs and calories that I really needed to be taking in. As I drove home, I told myself that today, I would get up and work out first thing. I would write out a food plan and stick to it.

And I did. I'm sitting here now, sweaty and stinky, food plan for the day sketched out and cardio/abs workout accomplished. But before I did that, I did arts and crafts.

When I woke up this morning, I knew I needed something extra to help me get off the emotional roller coaster; I needed to make a stronger effort to get back the basic tools I have used so successfully in the past and that work. I needed reminders about why I am doing what I'm doing, but this time, they needed something extra, something that pertains to the present aspect of my ongoing battle. My response cards had been the most powerful weapon in my arsenal; but after a while, they lost some of their power.

So this morning, I made a beautiful little booklet to carry with me and read every day, every time I need reinforcement or reminding. Every time I sit down to eat, or make a decision about whether to work out. There's room to write more in it, but right now it has one special entry. I really thought about it. I thought, "What do I need to hear right now, every time I make a decision about whether to eat or not to eat, what to eat, whether to work out or not, how much, what to do? How do I keep this from becoming yet another stressor?'

And this is what I came up with.

It reads:

Right now, I start over.

Right now, I commit to my best health and fitness.

Right now, I choose to eat that which will help me be healthy; or not eat that which will slow my progress.

Right now, I choose to move and care for my body.

Right now, I acknowledge my struggle, celebrate my success, forgive my failure.

Right now I am beautiful, healthy, fit, successful, and strong.*

 

Feel free to use it, if it helps you. If you reprint it, please give me credit. If you repost it somewhere, please link back to this blog post.

To me, it's really important to acknowledge living in the now. This is the best I can do right now; and if moments before I read this I've just eaten a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's (which, BTW, I did NOT do last night, though great was the temptation) it doesn't matter because right now I am starting over. That's the wonderful thing about this journey. You get to start over as many times as it takes.

 

*Copyright Cindy Sadler, 2012. All Rights Reserved.

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION AND A REPORT

Do me a favor, folks.

Go to this link, read the rules, and nominate The Next 100 Pounds as your favorite blog in the Best Health or Wellness category. You have to make at least three nominations for yours to count, so if you don't have any other favorite blogs, may I suggest:

Dr. Grumpy for the Best Humor category.

Stonekettle Station for the Best Weblog about Politics Category (but only if you're progressive or open to hearing views not your own, please, because otherwise this site might give you an aneurysm).

Veterinarians Behaving Badly for the Best Pet or Animal Weblog category.

I'd really appreciate the vote. I don't do a lot of publicizing of this site, and it'd be great to get more hits.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled program.

If you've been following along, you know that over the holidays I was experiencing a worrying amount of fatigue, so much so that I finally made a doctor's appointment.  Ironically, the day I visited the doctor was the day I started to feel MUCH better, and have continued doing so. But my EKG  was completely normal. My heart's in good shape; my blood pressure was great; the bloodwork just came back completely normal which means my greatest worry of all, that my Type II Diabetes was reasserting itself, was not founded.

I'm still planning on going in for a physical to rule out anything else, but on reflection,  I'm pretty sure it was the effects of longterm stress. This year has marked a big change in lifestyle for me, with a lot more travel and a great deal more rushing around; for five or six gigs in a row I literally ran off the stage at the final performance and jumped on an airplane to get to my next gig, sometimes flying overnight to make it. It's no news to anyone that the economy sucks and that has had some major implications for my industry --- opera companies are continuing to close left and right, and the ones that are hanging in there are heavily into cost-cutting mode. We've had our share of tension over jobs and money in my household, like just about everyone else in the world. And to be perfectly honest, there's been a sort of  Catch-22 centering around the stress of weight gain and lack of motivation to work out, which in turn contribute to the general stress level.

But, the important thing is to keep working on it, and I feel I have been doing that, and am finally starting to get back on track. Yesterday I cooked up a big mess of kale and it was so good that that is all I had for dinner. I ate two bunches of kale and it was delicious. I bought lots of veggies at the grocery store on Sunday, and am bringing no refined carbs into the house whatsoever.

So there is it. There is nothing magical about it --- it's a day in, day out slog and sometimes it's better than others. Find the tools that help you and don't be discouraged if you have a bad moment --- it doesn't have to become a bad day. And a bad day doesn't have to become a bad week. And even if it does, you can recover from that. All you have to do is start over, as many times as it takes.

Every one of them counts.

 

 

NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER

It should come as no surprise to anyone that you can't really trust what people who are trying to sell you something say about their products.  Ultimately, they are there for one thing only: to get your money; and while they may not (or in plenty of cases, may) outright lie about their product, they certainly are going to present it in the very best possible light, obfuscating anything negative as far as the law allows. And the law is often pretty flexible about this.

Nowhere is this as insidious as in the realm of food and medicines.  Marketing  techniques are  specially designed by experts to appeal, to make a product seem not only delicious but so good for you. And sometimes, it's fine --- if you eat the right amount. But the people selling you the product don't WANT you to eat one serving. They want you to eat lots and lots, and buy more. So they trick you with package design and buzzwords.

Bottom line, it's not enough to read labels --- you have to know how to intepret them. And here is a great little article to help you avoid some of the nasty tricks the food industry pulls on its customers, ranging from downplaying serving size to sneaking transfat under the radar. Just another reason we're all better off shopping in the produce, dairy, and meat aisles --- or better yet, the farmer's market.

There's an article in the NY Times making the rounds, The Fat Trap. I was interviewed for this article but my material didn't make it in (no big deal, that sort of thing happens a lot, and it was lovely to speak to Tara Parker-Pope again). I am not convinced of the usefulness of the study Dr. Proietto did --- he had people on a 500-calorie a day diet of Optifast shakes and low-starch veggies for 8 weeks. How big a surprise is it that the weight came back on when they started to eat normally?

The article could be rather depressing, if you hone in on its message of how difficult it is to lose and keep off weight if you've ever once been fat, and the evidence presented that many people may even be genetically inclined to fatness. But it's not an insurmountable condition, and I find hope in the findings of the National Weight Loss Registry, which tracks those who have maintained a loss of 30 pounds or more for a year or longer. Parker-Pope writes, "Registry members exercise about an hour or more each day — the average weight-loser puts in the equivalent of a four-mile daily walk, seven days a week. They get on a scale every day in order to keep their weight within a narrow range. They eat breakfast regularly. Most watch less than half as much television as the overall population. They eat the same foods and in the same patterns consistently each day and don’t “cheat” on weekends or holidays. They also appear to eat less than most people, with estimates ranging from 50 to 300 fewer daily calories."

So there you have it --- a sort of a sensible guideline for what you need to do to maintain. But what none of the commercial weight loss programs, diet books, or trainers prepare you for is how incredibly difficult it is to maintain. I know this first hand, and have been struggling, hard, for the past several months. When I first started losing weight, I was working out two hours almost every day --- usually an hour walk combined with some kind of heavier cardio such as an hour on the elliptical. Like Janice Bridge, a National Weight Loss Registry participant Parker-Pope describes in her article, I was strict about my food plan, weigh ins, exercise, and countering indulgences to the point of obsession. And that is what it takes for someone like me. It's an enormous amount of energy to expend every single day, not to mention time.

I became fatigued by this routine, and one of the things I've been coming to terms with is that I can no longer maintain two hours of day of exercise, at least not in the long term. I can do some exercise almost every day, though. Sometimes it's just "found" exercise --- parking the car in the farthest spot and walking, taking the stairs, making an extra trip to walk to the mailbox down the street instead of stopping on the way home in the car. Other days it's planned sessions, and in the short term, as I try to get back on track, I'm adding in some extra through daily walks.

I also can do better with my eating. If the research is correct, it's actually physically harder for me to maintain a weight loss. I have to exercise MORE to get the same calorie benefit as someone the same size who has never been overweight; and I have to eat significantly fewer calories to maintain my loss.

This isn't happy news, but here's the thing --- I think we have to look at it as part of the cross we have to bear, so to speak. Everybody has stuff they have to deal with. I'd rather be genetically inclined to fat than genetically inclined to stupidity. It may not be easy, but I can manage fatness. There's only so much you can do to manage stupidity.

And the Fat Trap is just another reason to focus on health and fitness over weight. I know I am never going to be a size 10. I don't care. But I do want to run a marathon. I do want toned arms and abs. I do want a healthy heart and normal blood pressure. Those are goals I can work towards, and as I wrote yesterday, weight loss is a result of working towards fitness goals. In my quest to find what is sustainable, I'm happier than ever about my decision to take weight loss off the front burner and concentrate on fitness.

Hey ... never give up, never surrender, right?

 

SETTING GOALS AND INTENTIONS

It's That Time of Year, when so many people are making that big push (many for the umpteenth time) to get the weight off once and for all. Such a source of despair and also fascination. Our relationships to food and dieting (still don't like that word) are so very complex, both emotionally and physically.

It has recently been suggested to me, twice in one day by completely unrelated parties, that I look into the Blood Type Diet. One of my agents uses it and swears it has done wonders for her. Seeing as how both my agents are pretty hot ladies, I'm willing to overlook my initial reaction of that sounds kinda crazy and take a more in-depth look; but even as I plan to camp out at Barnes & Noble later in the afternoon and read up on it, a little voice inside me keeps insisting, I really do not want to try yet another diet.

The best diet --- which term I mean in the classical sense, as in the way one eats as opposed to some heavily restricted plan you try out short term to get weight off --- is the one that works for you. Yes, that's rather glib and oversimplified, but what I mean is, we each have to find a way to eat that is healthful and sustainable for us. Paleo works great for a lot of people; I have friends who do it and think it's amazing, and they lose weight and stay fit on it. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I know plenty of vegans who are tremendous athletes (many who don't adhere to the philosophical/politcial side of veganism prefer to refer to their diet as "plant strong"). I think that, over time and with a lot of reading and experimentation, I've figured out what works best for me.  The issue isn't knowing what to eat; it's sticking with it longterm. For me, it's much more of a psychological and how-I'm-wired issue than one of education, willpower, or proper nutrition for my "type", whether that be body, personality, dosha, or blood.

So, I found this article from Active.com very inspiring; and what I like best about it is the focus on setting active, positively stated fitness goals and looking at weight loss as a result of working towards those goals. Goals, writes Katie Jeffrey-Lun, are actions. I like that a lot. She also encourages you to come up with a whole plan, not unlike a business plan, starting by focusing on what you really want to achieve. It's very much like setting an intention for your yoga practice; just giving yourself a mantra-like word or two that bring you back to mindfulness about what you are working to achieve.

I want to achieve the best health and greatest fitness level of my life, and I want to run a marathon. My intention, or key words, or mantra, or whatever you want to call it, are: Best Fitness of My Life. BFML.

My short-term goals are:

I will write and follow a food plan every day.

I will start at least 4 mornings a week with a walk and shoot for more intensive cardio/lifting sessions a minimum of 4 times a week.

I will concentrate on cooking simply most of the time, and eating mostly fresh veggies and fruit, with some lean protein. Bread, potatoes, rice,  cereal, and other simple carbs will be reserved for infrequent indulgences. However, nothing is off limits --- I can eat whatever I want, as long as I plan for it.

That's enough, for now. There are a lot of mini-steps involved in each of those goals, but to me the most important part of the plan is the intention, because it's a very simple tool that you can use to repeatedly bring yourself back to mindfulness. And bringing yourself to mindfulness in a self-loving, non-critical, simple way is, I think, the number one key to beating those pesky moments of weakness, aka decision fatigue.

I was too sore from my circuit workout to go back this morning. Instead, as soon as I post this, I'm going to practice yoga, and I have a date to take a long walk with a friend later this afternoon. And I can't wait to try out this kale chip recipe from Othalie Graham, who says her kids fight over it:

CRISPY KALE

2 bunches kale
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 to 3 large cloves garlic, minced
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon toasted sesame seeds
Method

Preheat oven to 375°F. Rinse kale and pat dry thoroughly. Remove and discard thick ribs and roughly chop leaves. Pat leaves dry again. Toss with olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper in a large bowl. Spread on a large rimmed baking sheet. Kale does not need to be in a single layer, as it will shrink in volume as it cooks. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring every five minutes or so, until leaves are tender, crisp on edges and slightly browned. Sprinkle with sesame seeds before serving.
Nutrition

Per serving: 100 calories (80 from fat), 9g total fat, 1.5g saturated fat, 3g protein, 5g total carbohydrate (2g dietary fiber, 0g sugar), 0mg cholesterol, 160mg sodium

You know I can't ever follow a recipe as written, so I'm going to use my smoked hickory salt, which I think will be amazing.

And now, it's OMMMM time. Namaste, y'all.

WHAT'S THE BEST DIET IN THE LONG RUN?

Yesterday I had some time between rehearsals, so I wandered over to Barnes & Nobles, picked up a bunch of likely-looking titles, and settled into a comfy armchair to browse (studiously avoiding the cafe and its beckoning fancy-schmancy coffees and pastries). One of the books is The Dukan Diet, the latest doctor-touted diet. It's been a big fad in France for some time, and is starting to gain popularity on this side of the pond. And let me just say, from the reading I did, my first impression is "batshit crazy". 

The diet consists of four phases. You eat nothing but lean protein for the first phase, which lasts 3-7 days (constipation, anyone?). For the second phase, you can add as much as you like from a list of non-starchy, low GI veggies such as . This lasts about 3 days for every pound you want to lose, so if you want to lose 50 pounds, you're going to be doing this for five months. Next, you get to add back in certain foods (such as starchy veggies and a little bit of bread) and have two off-plan meals a week, and finally, you're supposed to be all better and as long as you take the stairs, eat some oat bran every day, and have a nothing-but-protein day once a week, you'll stay thin. So, essentially, this is a recycled Atkins diet.

Multi-vitamins are recommended, and warnings that you may suffer from constipation, bad breath, fatigue, and dry mouth are issued. Sounds like a real party, right? But it's all worth it to get that weight off, right?

Here's the thing. I'm not saying it won't work --- it severely restricts calories, so of course it's going to work --- but any diet this restrictive is going to be next to impossible to maintain over any length of time. Also, it's so unbalanced that you don't have to be a doctor to see that this cannot possibly be good for you in the long run.

What IS good for you in the long run?

Well, according to Dr. David Katz, director of the Yale Prevention Research Center, there isn't One True Diet. There are lots of different ways of eating that work. He does suggest that the famed Mediterrenean Diet, which he points out is a class of diets rather than one specific diet per se, is one of the more successful diets. And it makes sense. Fresh foods in season, preferably locally produced, in lieu of processed foods; including all those things we keep hearing over and over are good for us: fresh fruits, veggies, whole grains, nuts, beans, seafood, lean protein, yogurt, healthy fats like olive oil and avocado, and even a little bit of wine. Portion control, exercise, and more veggies on the plate than meat.

This is common sense, and it's sustainable. In the long run, the best diet is the healthiest one that you personally can sustain. Most Americans, raised on processed and fast foods and lots of sweets, are going to have a very hard time staying away from them 100%. I think it's better to allow yourself to have some of them, in very limited quantities, on a regular basis rather than try to restrict yourself entirely. Eating a very restrictive diet takes an obsessive sort of  concentration that most people cannot sustain forever (and you're in danger of a backlash). Heck, even a not-particularly-restrictive diet takes a great deal of concentration and motivation to sustain. I've said it here over and over again, it's a lifelong battle (or journey, depending on how you're feeling on any particular day).

I've been looking for a new diet to help me get  back on track, but every time I look into one, a feeling of dread comes over me. Some things never change. I just don't want to "diet". It's never worked except in the short term. I know what works for me, and that is to try to fill my plate with mostly veggies, use healthy fats in the smallest quantities I can get away with, and most of the time get my carbs from fruits and veggies instead of any refined source such as bread. If I do this --- really do it --- and keep working out daily, then I don't have to count calories or think a whole lot about portion control (well, except for staying away from seconds most of the time). I can have half-and-half in my coffee when I get it away from home. I can have a piece of high quality chocolate every day, and ice cream or frozen yogurt or a pastry a couple of times a week. That's my system, and it does work for me.

Of course, the hard thing is sticking with it over time. This is the constant struggle. Once I get out of the groove, it's very, very hard to get back in.  Curiously, once I'm solidly in, it feels so good that it becomes progressively easier to make the right choices.

For a while now I've felt like I've been climbing a glass mountain, clawing up a few feet and sliding back down. I'm not sure I'm making any progress, but I do think that just continuing to try to climb is a sort of triumph. Where is that next solid foothold that will boost me up? This is what I am looking for right now. I don't know where  or when I'll find it, and that in itself is tiring. But there is nothing to do but keep trying to scrabble up.

THE ETERNAL QUESTIONS

"I can't remember how it felt to be losing and in control like before, " writes longtime reader TokyoCowboy.  He is job searching, and in his down time has found too much time to indulge his passion for cooking. He's gained back more weight than he'd like from his losing streak over the past two years, and now is also battling inertia as he works to get back to a healthier lifestyle.  "How did I/you do it then? Why was our motivation so strong and even seemed effortless at times? How do we regain that focus?"

These questions couldn't be more timely; they are the same ones I have been struggling with for the past several months. One of the findings of my (very informal and unscientific) personal research into the world of major longterm weight loss is that, at least among those bloggers who report faithfully on their efforts, there is a "rebound" period. After that initial success, which can be months or years in coming, there comes a time in the maintenance where the fervor dies down, the iron hold relaxes, old habits and desires begin to creep back in, and before you know it, the scale is creeping back up.

And to that, I'd like to say, "Well, duh. It's not exactly a big surprise." If we were not wired and/or conditioned to have issues with food, with eating, with exercise, we would not have gotten fat in the first place. These issues are not going away. They are not going to be eradicated. They can only be managed, and there are times in our lives when we will do that better than others.

My personal hope and goal is to recognize and stop the drift before it gets out of hand, every time. And I confess that it sometimes makes me feel a bit like a loser, a faker, and where this blog is concerned, a Pollyanna. Why can't I beat it? I lost all this weight, I changed my body and my lifestyle, and yet I am still not where I want to be and I am still fighting my inclinations every single day. I am very much afraid of gaining it all back, and that's a fear that, for a while, I thought I had beaten.

One thing that helps me get through these bouts of negative thinking is to recognize and call them for what they are. As long as I keep telling the truth about my struggles, I'm not a faker, and it may even help others. One of the problems with the weight loss industry is the whole quick fix, just do this and you'll never have to worry again mentality. There's this big LIE that you can lose weight easily and keep it off easily. Or that once you've lost it, that's that --- you're home free and never have to worry about it again. This is what they're selling, and it's a big lie, and it's damaging to the rest of us ordinary people. 

You see these people losing ridiculous amounts of weight in a few months but you don't see them two years later when they've gained half or all of it back. You don't see their ongoing struggles. The reality is, it IS an ongoing struggle, and sometimes you're going to be more successful than other times. The reality is, it's important to recognize that while you aren't perfect, you HAVE achieved wonderful things, and you can keep on achieving.  It's important to tell those Hyenas of Doubt that persistence is more important than perfection, so they can shut the hell up and get out of your face. And it's important to be honest with yourself about what you are actually doing, how much and what you're actually eating, and why.

I've been a writer since I could hold a pen; actually, I dictated my first "book" to my mother before I could even write. Writing helps me process; so this blog serves as a public diary of a very personal issue. I'm also a performer, wired to require an audience, and this is a type of performance. I worry about my performances --- they are for me, but they are also, more importantly, very much for my audience. There is an energy exchange that happens with every performance. The performer and the audience feed each other. I always worry that I'm not feeding my audience well enough. So this blog motivates me, and it helps me hang on when the days are particularly difficult, and it also serves as a reality check.

So back to TokyoCowboy's questions. How did it feel to lose and be in control? I'm not sure I ever was in control of anything, but I was on a mission. I had a plan, and I had rules that I made for myself. They truly were my rules, not imposed by some outside authority. Sometimes they went against conventional wisdom. It didn't matter. It was about what worked for ME.  And having that plan and those rules empowered me to stick to it. They were MY choices. I took guilt and shame out of it --- sure, now and then they rear their ugly heads, but I've gotten pretty good at beating them back --- and took ownership. And pretty soon, the work was its own reward. And it felt really, really great. It felt strong. It felt like something I could do the rest of my life.

That's how it worked for me. It might not work that way for everyone.

How did we do it then? How did we stay motivated?

We did it by finding something that worked, and working on it every day. It's not magic and it's not glamourous. It was really hard, just like it's hard now, and will always been hard --- though some days, less than others. We got excited about what we were doing. And we managed to stick with what worked long enough for it to become a habit. I can't speak as to what motivates anyone else, but for me, constantly reinforcing my goals and constantly making conscious choices helped, and seeing the scale and the clothing sizes go down was a big motivator.

I'm an artist. Artists, and anyone who is creative, know that we have a well from which our creativity springs. But it is not bottomless. It must be refilled with beauty, good smells, art, wonderful ideas, other people's work, nature, great food, soul-wrenching music ... all the things that move us, delight us, make us feel, make us think. We have to feed our souls in order to replenish that wellspring.

And we have to feed our souls in order to replenish our strength, determination, and ability to persevere in any endeavor, but especially one as hard as reprogramming unhealthy inclinations towards food and eating.

How do we regain that focus?

The hardest part, as noted, is overcoming inertia. You may make several false starts. It's like a little kid learning to ride a bike without training wheels. She's going to stumble, even fall. She's going to get going a little ways and then lose her balance. But if she keeps at it, pretty soon she'll be whizzing up and down the streets of the neighborhood.

So it's really, really not important that you try and fail. What is important is that you try again, and again, and again, until you get the hang of it again. You go back to the things that worked for you last time. They may need to be redecorated. They may need shiny new packaging. But the basic concept will be the same because it's a truth.

And here's the other thing: you may very well not need to go back to square one. You probably don't need training wheels at this point. You might just need to go slowly, and not too far from a wall you can lean on if you start to fall.

Don't worry about tomorrow, or even lunch time. Think about this moment, and what you can do in this moment. And go from there.

That's my plan, this time around. If it doesn't work, I'll redecorate until it does.

ReBoot Camp Day Four Report:

-did Yoga X this morning with my friend grunting and groaning alongside ... yoga's more fun in pairs. Maybe I just don't like to suffer alone (though really, I love it).

-read my list before breakfast and lunch but forgot to do so before snack, and at the grocery store when I snagged a sample bite of cheese without even stopping to think about it. That will need some work.

- Have eaten on plan thus far.

- Plan to walk after dinner.

 

 

INSPIRING MINDS

Where do you find inspiration?

When I started my own weight loss journey, which I was determined would be the last, one of the things I did was investigate a lot of different blogs, looking for people who had achieved major longterm weight loss. One of these was Jennette Fulda's PastaQueen, which is no longer updated (but still available to supply you with humor and inspiration). She now blogs at JenFul, and I am still being inspired by her posts, especially this one.

Even as I ReBoot, I'm thinking about other areas of my life that could use the same kind of major overhaul I've given my health and fitness. And while it does take a lot of time and energy to maintain these overhauls, the hardest part of the whole project is simply defeating inertia. The hardest part is just getting off your butt and starting to do it, and continuing to do whatever it is you need to do until that is what has become habit.

Even after time off from eating as well as I should or regular exercise, even after gaining some weight back, I have never gone back to square one. I began my weight loss journey in Fall 2007. When the first Times article appeared in 2008, most of the commenters were supportive, but a few predicted that five years later I'd be back to my original weight ... or if I wasn't, it'd be because I'm some kind of overprivileged superwoman with access to resources the average person doesn't have (how I wish that were true!).Those comments from the naysayers have never completely left me. and have in fact been motivators. I just couldn't stand for them to be right. Because I am an average person, and I don't have access to any special privileges or resources other that what I have prioritized to go out and get for myself. I don't have oodles of free time or loads of disposable income. And I have screwed up plenty of times, and undoubtedly will continue to do so.

But it's almost Fall 2011, four years from the start of my journey, and most of the weight is still off. I have a year to go before I'm "in the clear", I suppose. Nevertheless, I'm healthier and fitter than ever before. I can get through P90X, billed as an "extreme fitness program"; I can run 10K  (however slowly) or hike 15 miles a day through challenging country without dying ; and my eating habits, while far from perfect, remain so much healthier than they were at the start.  I always, always want to do better. I've never been 100% happy with my accomplishment and never felt I was 100% where I wanted to be. But this is a good thing --- human beings need something to strive for.

So I keep revisiting those techniques that have worked for me in the past. I keep trying to freshen them up, find new takes on old ideas, or just get back to basics. One of the many basics that has stood me in good stead is deliberately lightening up on food intake on (or before and after) days when I plan to indulge. Tonight a friend is taking me to dinner, and there's already been a lot of eating out this week, so I need to be mindful while still enjoying myself. We're going to take a long walk before we go out. I deliberately chose a light breakfast and lunch --- a delicious smoothie and a salad with LOTS of filling but low-cal greens with some mock chicken salad --- so I can enjoy myself later. Not that I didn't enjoy these meals; they actually are two favorites and I hardly feel deprived! Also, I am laying down some laws before we go to dinner. I'd like a drink and dessert, so I'm skipping bread and try to choose an entree that's light on carbs, if not carb-free. No added fats, like butter or salad dressing. There's plenty of fat in the food already. This might not sound like much of an indulgence to some, but it's plenty indulgent without being a free-for-all. And even skinny people make choices about meals --- that's one reason they're skinny!

And I'll keep looking for inspiration in the accomplishments and ideas of others. It really works.

Last but not least, ReBoot Camp Day Three report:

-read my list on waking,  before breakfast and lunch, and added to it.I'm taking it with me to dinner tonight, just as I used to do.
-ate planned breakfast and lunch
-did my P90X Shoulders & Arms routine, along with the hated but much needed Abs Ripper X
-writing my food plan for tomorrow before we go to dinner
-as soon as my friend arrives, we'll take another 1+ hour walk for my "extra" workout session.

 

DIVORCING THE CUPCAKE

Everybody knows someone like this --- the woman who has it all together except she just can't seem to beat her attraction to bad boys, the nice guy who continually wastes his time on shallow girls who just use him and move on. When it comes to our relationships with food, a lot of us are like those lovely but clueless friends of ours. We never learn our lessons and we keep going back to things that hurt us.

The free e-newsletters from Livestrong often have good info and motivation for healthy living. The one that showed up in my mailbox today had a link to a great blog post by Sarah Metzger about making radical changes to her diet. "By ditching the foods that weren’t honoring my body I’ve ushered in a new clarity, "she writes. "I’ve derived a great deal of power from building my own plan, my way."

Any long time readers of this blog will recognize that sentiment --- I'm a My Way kinda gal, too, and believe that is what finally allowed me to be successful after years of battling yo-yo dieting. I like Sarah's way of thinking about food --- she chooses to honor her body. She chooses to avoid things that don't.

There was also a lot of gold in the comments section, including quote from TLJax :

"I made a decision almost a year ago to divorce myself from the foods I was courting. I realized they promised to make me feel good, but left me like an unfaithful wife, fat, lonely, and in the dark. I still fuel the body, but with the whole, natural foods you hinted at when you write about eliminating the processed stuff. Now, 133 pounds lighter on my very grateful feet (not to mention knees), I'm living large instead of being large!"

Go, TLJax! I love that image of divorcing yourself from food that was filled with empty promises (and probably empty calories). I too have had to divorce certain foods, although every once in a while their siren call lures me back. I absolutely cannot keep sweets in the house --- except, inexplicably, chocolate, which I adore but can eat in small increments. And refined carbs of any kind must also be kept at arm's length. If I keep them in the house or make them a regular part of my diet, it's just a matter of time before the slide down the slippery slope takes off. It's better to enjoy them as an occasional treat, when I'm out to dinner or bring leftovers home. My best weight loss happened when my philosophy was to eat the smallest amount of carbs per day that I could get away with.

In his excellent book, The End of Overeating, Dr. David A. Kesseler discusses how the food industry deliberately invites us to "consider any occasion for food an opportunity for pleasure and reward" (p. 80), based on reports that show that consumers feel they deserve more treats and indulgences, and that food is very often seen as a good way to reward oneself. To that end, they strive to make food more than nourishment --- it's an experience.

If you want to divorce yourself from that type of slavery, you have to decline to use food itself as a reward. That doesn't mean depriving yourself, which doesn't work and in fact backfires, but it means not allowing yourself to think of food as the prize you get for (fill in the blank). If you want to indulge yourself, do it because you want an indulgence, but don't fool yourself into thinking you've earned it, not if you are trying to manage your issues with food. You can't bargain with it. Food is fuel, food is nourishment, food is an indulgence --- but you can't "pay" for calories by doing all your homework or cleaning the house on your day off. 

"We need to decide what rewards we want and then have  a plan that helps us control our behavior," explains Dr. Kesseler (p. 255). "...My mental representation of that stimulus and my emotional responses define my behavior to a great extent."

OK, so I don't like his use of the word "reward" in conjunction with food, but I do like his point. Understanding what your challenges are and having a plan in place to deal with them greatly increases your chance of getting the outcome you want. It helps YOU stay in control and make choices that help you reach your goals. And it's all about getting YOU back in control.

So, for me, that means limiting my contact with my "bad boyfriend" foods. That might mean not bringing them in the house and staying away from restaurants that serve them. Divorce, hell! I'm putting out a restraining order against them.

It doesn't mean you can't ever have your bad boyfriend foods, but if you're going to indulge, it's got to be under controlled circumstances. You have them outside your home, and you make a deal with yourself ahead of time as to how much you're going to have. You enjoy every moment of it and then you GO HOME AND EAT SIMPLY for the next several days until you're sure you're still on track. It may sound extreme and a little paranoid, but hey --- there's a good reason for that restraining order and if you spend too much time around that particular food, you will soon remember what it is.

At least, that's how it works for me. Look, no one likes living with the food police. But having been there, I like living without them even less. Besides, who else will enforce that restraining order I just took out against cupcakes?

MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF KENPO

Two full days of touring, three half days, six meals out, including a birthday celebration. Days that start at 6 and end at midnight. Normal, everyday work to be done, including prepping two opera roles (one brand new with a time crunch, one modern and complicated) and rehearsing the show I'm directing.

I haven't been on the scale this week, but one thing I have done: I have managed to get my workouts in every single day. This meant, for the last two nights, starting them at 10 p.m. because that was the only time I had available.  Lord, it was the last thing I wanted to do, but I am glad I did them. I'd tell myself I was paying for the sins of dinner, and remind myself that I really want to be part of the Fit People Club. Being a member of a couple of online communities where people regularly log their workouts and chime in with support is extremely motivating. If one of my friends can happily run 50K and then do 10K the next day for "recovery", I can get off my butt for an hour of Kenpo even if I think I'm exhausted.

Foodwise, I think I've been doing pretty well --- far from perfect, but sticking mostly to plan. My in-laws enjoy their meals out, but the other two meals of the day will be extremely modest --- a couple of pieces of whole wheat toast with jam for breakfast and a light salad for dinner. Following this model (and really watching how much bread I consume) seems to be doing the trick for me.

I've just completed Week Six of Power 90 and am very pleased that I've managed not to fall behind schedule  --- except in one thing. You're supposed to take weight, measurements, and photos every 30 days, and I am now officially a week behind in that. I plan to do it tomorrow, and will post pics. BTW, it's a hard and scary thing to take measurements and photos when you first start a body-changing program (and especially difficult sometimes to get on the scale), but I strongly, strongly urge you to do it. You should have numerous records of your progress, because the results don't always show up as fast as you would like in one area. For example, weight can fluctuate quite a bit and even plateau for long periods of time, but your measurements will show your continued progress. And monthly photos are a great motivator!I'll show mine tomorrow.

THE UPS AND DOWNS OF WEIGHT LOSS

When I first embarked on my weight loss journey, I quickly noticed a pattern in my losses. My preference is to weigh every day. This doesn't work for everybody --- for some, it's too anxiety-ridden or obsessive, and encourages unhealthy behaviors. For me, it's about desensitizing myself to the scale and also getting a handle on what's happening with my body on a day-to-day basis. At times, when it's begun to be overwhelming, I declare Scale Amnesty for a while and weigh once a week, or once a month, or (as I did recently) stop weighing myself at all and literally go by the seat of my pants.

One of the things weighing every day shows me is this pattern of weight loss/gain that my body experiences. I'm two workouts into Week Three of P90X, and my total weight loss from day one is a little over eight pounds. But that didn't come in a straight line. I lost pretty steadily the first week, about five pounds, and then a little more the next week ... and then it started going back up, then down, then up and up and up. I regained 2.5 pounds without having changed a thing in how much I was eating or exercising. I actually was losing during my period, and the weight gain started after it was over.

So what was going on, exactly? I dunno. Hormonal stuff, I guess. The point is, when you start really targeting loss (or working out more intensely), you'll probably lose a lot at first. It's mostly water weight, and it balances out soon enough. Also, if you have a lot to lose, you will probably lose very steadily up to a certain point, after which it becomes much more challenging. You may even plateau a few times. But if you track your losses, you'll see a definite pattern. Mine is to lose quickly the first two weeks of the month, then gain a little back for a couple of days, then go up and down a little for a couple more days, and finally settle at anywhere from a half to two pounds higher than whatever my very lowest weight during the month was.  Now that I have recognized this as my pattern, I know what to look for and don't freak out over it any more.

It may help you to keep a graph, which will show you your progress over time. Also, it's extremely helpful to refuse to rely on the scale alone for feedback. When you start (or in my case, re-start) weight-loss efforts, you should always take pictures--- full body, please --- and periodically update them.

And you should also be sure to take measurements. Measurements tell the real story of weight loss, much more accurately than the scale. If you've had a disappointing week or month as evidenced by the scale, take your measurements! You may very well be pleasantly surprised. My measurements revealed that I lost an inch off my waist in two weeks, and a couple off my bust --- which might not please everyone, but I've got plenty to spare).

Finally, look at how your clothes are fitting! My jeans aren't loose but they are not tight anymore, either. That makes the  biggest difference in how comfortable I am as I move through my day. And in the end, that's really what all the efforts are about. :)